Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for your replies, this is all clear.
You know the kind of involvement you described above this is what I did relish in the first few years of my involvement in actualism. There was a lot of low hanging fruit at that point, where I would genuinely be excited when some new area presented itself which was interfering with my happiness and harmlessness because I knew that an exploration of that area would lead to further freedom. And indeed this is what happened and I arrived at where I am now which is I think is quite accurately described by - on the periphery of normalcy.
I think what happened was that when those low hanging fruits dried up I found a few core and severely persistent aspects of ‘me’, I did try to do something about those but eventually I concluded that these would be there until ‘my’ self-immolation. So I believed that this must be virtual freedom as I just could not see how anything else could be removed anymore.
In short what worked those first few years no longer worked, after that I had a bit of a dry spell in general and some time after that you began to write and I began to push when not quite ready yet.
So it seems that I was able to remove those initial obstacles to some enjoyment and appreciation, these were perhaps themes that were not so deeply entrenched in ‘me’, like peeling the more outer layers of the onion. The other thing is that I was sort of happy to arrive at the “edge of normalcy”, in that I cold give up those outer layers of the onion and of course reap the rewards but it was like I still had 1 foot in the ‘normal’ to retreat back to when ‘I’ wish. Kind of like playing for both teams.
And so proceeding towards “advanced base camp” that is no longer normal at all, feeling good for 23h 59m a day is not normal by any means, and surely what it takes to live that means that what remained of ‘normal’ in ‘me’ would also have to be gone by then. So yes that would be a new adventure altogether, new uncharted territory and this is scary.
But I also get your point where Richard says :
Do you realise – and this is a personal observation – you have just said, in effect, that you guess you will have to become a happy ‘being’ before you can become actually free from the human condition (as if were there a way to be thus free without having to do so you would not)?
Whereas it is actually such a delight to finally be able to be happy (and harmless) … and a relief.
That is quite funny, that if I object to the happiness and harmlessness en route to actual freedom then would I therefore prefer sorrow and malice en route instead? 
Perhaps!
So I am happy to be where I am now actually, in that there is more to go in the meantime - and not in a sense of “I have to do it” as if it is a chore, but rather that there is far more consistent happiness and harmlessness available still.
What I do not see yet, is quite how to make away with those persistently entrenched themes still. And I am not sure if it is that they are actually difficult to remove or more because I simply cannot and will not contemplate a life of ongoing and consistent happiness and harmlessness. It’s like I have planted a flag in a 60/40 arrangement and the 23h 59m a day arrangement seems too much to consider.