Kuba: A few days ago I started to rememorate the flavour of the “blessed anonymity” which I wrote about previously:
So I have been looking at what is left of those outlines of ‘me’. The other day I started to experience glimpses of the blessed anonymity which ensues after ‘my’ demise. It has clicked since then, that whatever ‘dirt’ remains in ‘my’ life is exactly because of those outlines of ‘me’, as in there cannot be actual freedom as long as ‘I’ remain in existence, it is ‘my’ total extinction which is the way to an actual freedom.
Last night after I finished teaching BJJ I got in my car and again I was pulled towards this experiencing – of the blessed anonymity / extinction which lay ahead – but it was more this time, there was the experience of a vast stillness, that when ‘I’ disappear this stillness is what is left behind, it is where this body exists, securely locked into the stillness… (link)Since then I had this question pop up – “who am ‘I’ in relation to others?”, this fascinated question has been held specifically in a way to reveal those very outlines of ‘me’ as an identity, to see exactly what it is that stands in the way of the “blessed anonymity” for this flesh and blood body, which is ‘me’ in ‘my’ totality. A fatal attraction is a good word for the pull towards this blessed anonymity, because it is the end for ‘me’ and also the end of ‘my’ struggle, that blessed anonymity is where pure intent beckons.
At first it began as something like “could ‘I’ really?” as in could I actually proceed in that direction, of no longer being ‘anyone’ in particular, of no longer ‘being’ at all. I followed that curiosity to realise that this is what I always wanted to be as an actuality. That in that blessed anonymity is an actual innocence, but ‘I’ can never ‘be’ that, because ‘I’ am an identity.
Geoffrey wrote that it is about knowing what one wants and going for it. It looks like I have the target now.
The other thing which I started to understand is the necessity of altruism, that those outlines of ‘me’ cannot be dissolved any other way, it is why no psychology or philosophy etc could ever succeed, because it takes something different altogether, that is what Richard discovered. In short it takes a powerful instinct (altruism) to overcome another powerful instinct (selfism), these things are rooted way deeper than mere intellectualising could ever reach. (link)
Hi Kuba,
Thank you for your report about the most recent significant insights. A lot had to happen for them to be so clear now. I also appreciate your second report –
Kuba: A couple of hours ago I had this experience that was unlike anything else before. I can only describe it as experiencing ‘the veil’ or ‘the other side of the mirror’ etc. It wasn’t like any of the EE’s, PCE’s or various glimpses of actuality in the past. It’s like if so far ‘I’ have been sailing around looking for the land called “terra actualis”, and sometimes getting a peek of it through ‘my’ binoculars or other times the clouds parting and seeing it over there in the distance… This was like ‘I’ sailed right up to its shores, got out the boat and stood before it, to know (with a 100% certainty) that ‘I’ can never enter.
And seeing that ‘other side of the mirror’ there is indeed a factually existing world where this body lives, which is simply perfect. And indeed ‘I’ have to die for this body to be free to live there, that ‘I’ can see in a way that is undeniable now.
So there were two things which were impressed on ‘me’ when ‘seeing past the veil’ (“seeing that ‘other side of the mirror’”):
The actual world does genuinely exist and it is complete, consummate.
‘I’ have to die in order for this body to be free to live there. (link)
All the ‘dominoes’ seem to be in place now (see 125,000 dominoes). 
What a great time to be alive!
Cheers Vineeto