From your post w/ Kuba:
The order in which it happens also doesn’t matter when y’all are in the midst of being upset. Either one can go first and stop being upset. So if you fail the first directive of, “stop getting upset,” there’s a new opportunity to learn how to stop being upset.
Perhaps that’s what you meant all along but I couldn’t help but to get hung up on the fact that two feeling-beings will most likely inevitably get upset at some point. And at that point, the directive of ‘stop getting upset’ will be breached, potentially leading self-castigating, suppression, and resentment. All of which can be noticed, addressed, or avoided - and most likely will be by you, but perhaps not your partner.
Relevant to this, it’s hard to explain, but I want my partner to feel free to get upset, or whatever feelings that might occur, and share and discuss if relevant. What’s your attitude in this arena?