Vineeto: Were you perchance using this technique of taking this as a belief so as to not be viscerally moved by the content of the video, i.e. keep it at arm’s length?
Henry: This has been continually on my mind. It seems to me that there is still some ‘gap’ for me, that I am not yet fully engaging with others or the world on an emotional level. The gap has closed significantly but is still there. I am not sure what I need to do to fully ‘re-associate,’ but I see it as the most essential step for me right now.
I have been more fully exploring/ researching ideas which previously had been ‘taboo,’ there’s so much to be learned and it’s challenging to put things together, it feels similar to entering a massive cavern. With this comes thrill, which has been great news and has opened me up hugely. I noticed the other night as I went to bed that nowhere was there the usual depression of aimlessness; I had spent the evening digging into information which obviously vitally connects to the well-being of the species.
Hi Henry,
You seem to progress famously unlocking your hidden-away emotions and “exploring/ researching ideas which previously had been ‘taboo’”. I remember ‘Vineeto’ comparing it to a cellar filled with junk when ‘she’ started deep diving into previously unrecognized deeper feelings and passions. Now that you have a clear aim, you can start enjoying the explorative fun and thrill of the adventure of a life-time.
Henry: As long as I had been playing within the sandbox of my pre-approved belief system there was no thrill and no jeopardy, because everything had already been ‘set up’ by someone else, some distant authority who was ‘in charge’ of what was going to happen, thus absolving me of any involvement – all I had to do was agree with the talking points, argue with the right people, and maybe show up to the occasional protest. It’s clear to me in this moment that that has had an anesthetizing effect on me. Now, it’s more obvious that these things are actually happening, and by fully involving myself, I am obviously involved in the outcome as well. I am no longer an anonymous sheep, but an acting agent.
An interesting element is that I can see myself instinctively seeking a ‘tribe,’ for example instinctively pre-emptively defending the opposite political camp despite still having an infantile understanding of the field. Apparently it is unbearable to not be in any camp at all.
This “instinctively seeking a ‘tribe’” is, of course, the instinctive need to belong which had been operating all along but now is more apparent because you no longer oblige automatically but are “an acting agent”. As for “defending the opposite political camp” I am reminded of what you recently wrote –
Henry: I remember thinking that it was like I was looking at the actual ‘star-dust’ that everything is made of, rather than building out a narrative based on relative values. There was a solidity and purity to everything. I’m feeling quite encouraged by this experience. (2 Feb 2025).
There is a third alternative, and you are already acting on the sincere intent to become free from the human condition.
Henry: Returning to the initial subject above, there is some connection. I research because I want the best outcome for all, myself included, and that is a felt desire. I think part of where I have dissociated has been from being rejected by my peers in the past (primarily online along identity politics lines) and feeling hurt by that. I found myself in a strange position of partly still believing in their views while also feeling hurt & threatened by them. It left me with a resentment and anger that I felt I had to hide, which I think has led to the dissociation. Part of that dissociation has been an inability to see my ‘enemies’ as humans – I see them only as people that I desire to be closer to, while simultaneously experiencing fear and anger toward them.
A lot of how this has been beginning to resolve has been by recognizing that they (as individuals) are victims of their own belief systems. Their social and cultural lives have centered around holding certain beliefs, and within those beliefs they might see me as lesser, or as an enemy. They don’t know me, but the judgment is there.
So it was never really about me, it was about their beliefs. There isn’t much I can do to change anyone’s mind, so it’s best to just move on with my life. I also now see them as being just as lost as I felt until very recently.
The more you uncover and understand ‘who’ you are – this lost, lonely, frightened and very cunning entity inside – the more you can also acknowledge and recognize that you are like everyone else – a fellow human being afflicted with the same beliefs, principles, feelings and passions. This sincere recognition allows you to re-awaken your long-lost naiveté where you like yourself and like others (link). Miraculously, when you like yourself and others, you will find that you are much more at ease not to be “in any camp at all”.
Henry: I had a very moving experience yesterday watching a live seminar in my town with a variety of political & social alignments all working toward the same goal of combating human trafficking. I could see how everyone was trying to put together what was happening, that they all cared a lot about the issue but they each had their own worldview of what the issue was and how to tackle it. It was comedic at times seeing how big the gulf in worldviews and priorities was, but the common thread was that felt desire to do something. That’s the humanizing for me right now, and that’s where I can see I’m beginning to open up again.
I am reminded of this particular quote from Richard –
Richard: … gently ushering in an increasing ease and generosity of character. With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more selflessly motivated. With this expanding altruism one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric … the humanitarian ideals of peace, kindness, caring, benevolence and humaneness become more and more evident as an actuality. (Richard, List B, James, 17 Oct 1999).
What you experienced in a “moving” way “watching a live seminar” were not merely “humanitarian ideals” but they can potentially become “evident as an actuality” as the inherent values of the overarching benignity and benevolence of the infinitude of the universe. This sporadic coming together of human beings in order to actualize some of the “humanitarian ideals of peace, kindness, caring, benevolence and humaneness” is wonderful to observe or participate in. Even though this action is so often brought to naught by interference from the instinctual passions, it is nevertheless marvellous what beneficiary feats have been achieved despite the human condition.
Henry: I can’t prevent others from attacking me sometimes, but as Claudiu pointed out I can be thoughtful/ careful about what I say to who, and when I am attacked I can recognize where they are coming from and not take it personally, not retreat into a depressive shell as I always have. That’s where engaging in thrill is again helpful. Plenty of thrill to go around here!
Through this process, good & evil & the powers they wield have begun to come into focus. I have distanced myself from them for so long that it’s not fully there, but I intend to engage as fully as I can. (link)
Hint – when you remove your own emotional hooks of feeling anger, indignance, annoyance, hurt and so on, you will be increasingly emotionally untouched by others “attacking” you. Then their arrows won’t reach their intended target as in “water off a duck’s back”. In other words, when you are felicitous, any personal attack will not be felt by you as a personal attack, and your adversary recognizes psychically that their arrow hasn’t reached its target.
Then you can put facts right, if the effort appears necessary, or call them out as being silly. When you are not affected emotionally you can treat them as fellow human beings, afflicted by the same passions like everyone including yourself. Then a more amicable discussion is a possibility.
The first part of the quote cited above might be helpful as well –
Richard: This is why remembering a PCE is so important for success for it shows one, first hand, that freedom is already always here … now. With the memory of that crystal-clear perfection held firmly in mind, that basic resentment vanishes forever, and then it is a relatively easy task to eliminate anger once and for all. One does this by neither expressing or repressing anger when an event happens that would previously trigger an outbreak (link). Anger is thus put into a bind, and the third alternative hoves into view, dispensing with the hostility that is a large part of ‘I’ the aggressive psychological entity, and gently ushering in an increasing ease and generosity of character. (Richard, List B, James, 17 Oct 1999).
Cheers Vineeto
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even though I can see how you benefited … and also how the term “high achiever” has described the past ‘you’ very well.
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