Kuba: It seems ‘I’ never wanted intimacy with other identities because ‘I’ know that it will inevitably leave all concerned bruised, metaphorically and literally lol. So ‘I’ have been afraid to get close to others as ‘I’ felt that it would have to be an emotional involvement.
Hi Kuba,
An excellent choice and I am pleased you have taken up the challenge to even consider talking about intimacy.
(Whenever I have mentioned this topic so far there was dead silence – it is obviously very scary to discuss intimacy in public, even on this list dedicated to discuss becoming actually free. Fortunately Martin and Almog on List D have asked Richard specific topical questions and hence gave him the opportunity to share of his valuable experience regarding intimacy and sexuality).
As such you start by finding reasons to not even try, for instance – “because ‘I’ knew that ‘I’ would screw things up if ‘I’ tried to get close” and “it will inevitably leave all concerned bruised”, and therefore that intimacy can only be safely approached after you are actually free. In other words, your first natural reaction is to think/ philosophize about it in order to keep the other at arm’s length.
I wonder where is that enterprising youth “doing parkour” (link, link) who was not afraid of screwing “things up if ‘I’ tried”, who was not afraid of getting bruised, who naively and courageously tried and practiced until you got it right. And it was thrilling fun all the way. From that experience you also learnt that one does not master any art worth its name unless one practices tirelessly and diligently, and is not afraid to fail (or get potentially bruised) and try again until one gets it right. It makes all your excuses not to start becoming more intimate null and void in how to proceed – you just start where you are at, do it and learn as you go along.
Martin: Is the idea that if I’m sincere (as an guileless) that I have nothing to hide, and I can give up my hiding place?
Richard: No … “the idea” (as you put it) about being sincere – and the root meaning of sincerity is to be in accord with the fact/ to be aligned with factuality/ to stay true to facticity (i.e., being authentic/ guileless, genuine/ artless, straightforward/ ingenuous) – regarding aspirations for actuality is to be in accord with/ be aligned with the actual, per favour the PCE, as in, staying true to (a.k.a. remaining faithful to) actuality as experientially evidenced.
The realisation that you are, essentially, the same as all the other 7.0+ billion feeling-beings parasitically inhabiting their host bodies – inasmuch you were all born thataway per favour blind nature’s rough and ready survival passions – means there is nothing unique about you, at the core of your being, which necessitates having “to hide” anything.
Put differently, as your “hiding place” is the same-same “hiding place” as each and every other feeling-being’s “hiding place” (all 7.0+ billion of them) just who do you reckon you are really fooling, other than yourself, by remaining hidden not only from others but from yourself as well?
In other words, how will you get to know yourself, intimately, unless you reveal yourself as-you-are in reality? [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Martin, #2).
Kuba: When I looked at that picture of me and Sonya I glimpsed that there is an actual person there, not an identity but a flesh and blood body, I saw that actual intimacy with her is utterly delicious and safe.
It seems I have answered my own question here – basically ‘I’ created an unnecessary boundary, using emotional intimacy as a trailer for what actual intimacy is like, ‘I’ then used this to fuel ‘my’ fears about getting close to others. Of course there is no danger at all to actual intimacy. In actual intimacy there are no identities, it is something that happens between flesh and blood bodies only. (link)
Ha, this fear “about getting close to others” is still in situ and therefore you ‘solve’ your fears by jumping to imagine what will happen when you are actually free before trying out to be intimate as a feeling being. Besides, becoming actually free does not make you magically an expert in everything you have avoided before.
However, when you courageously start from where you are at with utmost sincerity, you can play, together with your fellow human being, the game of ‘how close can we get’. It is a wonderful game, inclusive, full of surprises and joy, fun and laughter, scary moments and tenderness, thrill and exquisite delight and wonder.
In this game of ‘how close can we get’ each can nevertheless proceed at their own pace, as reciprocity regarding giving more and more of yourself is not required. Via sincerity and naiveté each can then entice the other by being as intimate and open to share as they dare to be.
Respondent: You do not prescribe to fellow humans, but do you recommend the above sensible approach rather than ‘experimenting’ with fellow human beings to explore sexuality or actual intimacy?
Richard: Oh, no … not at all (that above approach is only in regards to an actual freedom from the human condition). No, on the contrary, exploring sex and sexuality is enormously beneficial: there is no better way, in my experience, for a man and a woman to approach such intimacy than sexual congress. For instance, back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day.
It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant. Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (some thing which I had discovered whilst pubescent). And then … !Hey Presto! … no separation whatsoever. (Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally). (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 Nov 2009)
Exploration into intimacy also paves the way for man and woman living together in peace and harmony – considering that their sexuality and intimacy are the core of human civilisation itself.
Richard: … appreciate how truly epoch-changing a female replication of the ground-breaking male break-through into Terra Actualis actually is inasmuch that, for the first time in human history/ human experience, it is now possible, and demonstrably so, for man and woman to live together in peace and harmony with gladness and delight.
And here is why that replication is truly epoch-changing:
• [Richard]: “(…) man-woman sexuality and intimacy is the genesis of family and thus the very core of civilisation itself …”. [emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Andrew, #coreofcivilisation). (Further information and links in the original)
In short, Kuba, you have a fun-filled exciting and highly beneficial adventure ahead of you.
Cheers Vineeto