Well I’m having a good time 
I figured that really it seemed only thing I was/am lacking is ‘wanting to do it’. So I regathered my intent and set about sincerely and scrupulously examining every aspect of me and whether I actually want anything of what actualism offers
The main thing is I identified a sort of ‘gung-ho yah!!!’ aspect where I’d just feel or conclude that of course I want this/of course it’s better… but it was not fully sincere, not really deep-down thing. So I noticed that and didn’t go there anymore and really examined all
The summary is that it is better to feel good than not, by the very facts of existence and what that entails (pleasant things are more pleasant than not). There’s combination of just seeing simply seeing that actual freedom is obviously superior, not a gung-ho ‘yea!’ but it’s an experiential seeing of it (see: Claudiu's Journal - #452 by claudiu). And at one point I ask myself while watching some video of some historical battle, if I could stop all the wars currently going on on the planet, would I? And a seeing that self-immolating actually is making a tangible, potent step towards making it happen, not as a wish or as a self-serving excuse, but as an actual fact of the matter
At some point along the way a whiff of pure intent drafted in and I got the flavor of that again, and I can see that I am not ‘making it up’ 
. And especially reading this really brought in that flavour of that purity together with a pulling-in sensation:
Soo anyway continuing on with that approach, I find myself eating a hamburger in a food court, (a ‘new hamburger’ as branded by the company, which is just a hamburger without a bun lol) and the sensuosity is really off the charts, a sumptuous delight for the eyes and the ones and the tongue…
Then I notice a ‘something’ that I make the choice to allow, and whoooooshh it’s like a thing flipped, and then I experienced it like a
I don’t really know what to call it. My experience was that actuality was striating and coruscating. I experienced the same thing petting my dog right before the May 24th 6:48pm experience here in #444.
It was hard to tell if it was a PCE or not. I had the thought during it that while having too low standards can cause problems, having too high a bar for standards won’t really, so I could just say this is an EE (nearly indistinguishable from a PCE) and if it is too ‘high’ a bar, well I can’t really go wrong anyway lol.
It definitely was not like the rock-solid PCE I had while driving some months ago, that was much more stable. This was really much more wild haha
When it ended I felt myself come back in (so maybe was a PCE after all, or at least I was abeyant…???) and then I had the aftershock thing where I reacted with anxiety to it , which also makes me think PCE since at least what I been calling EEs does not have that.
Buttt another valuable insight here, I saw how this anxious reaction to it was transforming itself back into that ‘gung-ho yeah!!’ self haha. Like I was clearly scared shitless of what just happened, which I put it down to cause it is ‘my’ demise that it fore-tells – but that was turning into a feeling like I really wanna do it hahahaha. Even though it was the anxious reaction turning me away from that!!! Wowww so cunning
I also identify now what that apparent ‘shift’ on May 24th at 6:48PM was – it is a cunning way to get ‘me’ off track, to feel like a shift happened and now I gotta wait and see what happens lol. It’s a relic from the DhO meditation days, wow everyone had so many ‘shifts’ back then lol, what a crock.
Anyway it was dope, I don’t know why I experienced it like actuality striating.
After that though I feel a momentum to it all, which is familiar to before, which is cool, but also a little hard to disambiguate from the gung-ho yeah thing, so anyway on it goes, but it’s certainly a fun time
Cheers
Claudiu