Yes haha, ‘forced’ by running out of any other possible alternatives and having no choice but to accept the fact. So I took the longest route possible but it for sure worked, ‘I’ no longer have a say in the matter.
Indeed, the last thing the ‘high achiever’ wanted to find out and yet ‘he’ gave ‘himself’ no other option but to eventually arrive at the facts.
I have so much appreciation for being able to talk like this and not just as idle discussion or “looking for problems to solve” because just as you mentioned in the past that peace on earth was your favourite subject I can now unreservedly say the same. And not just as a subject to be discussed but as an overarching goal in my life.
It was always there, buried underneath all these other values and pursuits.
There was always this intent to find a way for myself and my fellow human beings to live how the PCE demonstrated to be possible. Yet this intent was as if filtered through various lenses of ‘my’ identity.
As the ‘high achiever’ deep down ‘I’ wanted the same but knew of no other way. This ‘high achiever’ could only go so far though because ‘he’ had locked ‘himself’ apart from others by ‘his’ own quest.
As a ‘high achiever’ ‘I’ was in ‘my’ own ivory tower which means I could not be a fellow human being.
And it is a tricky position to be in, there was a certain severity that came about as a result of locking ‘myself’ away like so, ‘I’ had separated ‘myself’ from ‘my’ roots.
This ‘high achiever’ did well to get thus far, ‘he’ used what was already at hand but ‘he’ could never altruistically sacrifice ‘himself’ out of the ivory tower.
‘I’ proceed towards ‘my’ self-immolation so that I can be what I have been all along - a fellow human being.