Roy: Thank you Vineeto, I have to give this another read but I just wanted to write something here at this moment:
One thing I tried to force me into, months ago, was to have a journal. It was hard to keep this habit and it was a messy process — I started with a public blog, then a notebook, then writing on my phone, then recording audios, while simultaneously still writing some things publicly here in this forum. It helped in two ways: (1) it forced me to closer inspect my current state but (2) the main benefit is that I can now read how about my experiences of months ago. This turns out to be very interesting because apparently (and I already had a sense that this was the case) I tend to transfer my current mood into these past memories. So my current identity would overtake the memories, as if it was fixed and unchanged through time. So just as I thought, I can’t completely trust my memories (in this particular aspect at least).
Hi Roy,
You are very welcome. I sounds like a very useful idea to keep some kind of a journal or written notes. You already had some very practical results and insights. Feelings always tend to colour not only the present experience but also the past and future outlook. When one is sad, one has always been like this and it will always be like this (unless the feeling changes to hope). It’s the very nature of the feeling itself. So it’s great to have a record. 
Roy: The most important part is I now can compare the farther away past and the recent past and… it’s amazing how completely different my mood is on a daily basis. It is very very different. I used to be angry, sad and frustrated all the time, in comparison. Even feeling good at the time was not feeling good as it is now.
Congratulations. You can pat yourself on the back – this is just as much part of appreciation as appreciating anything else about this moment of being alive.
Roy: Yesterday when I was searching a bit more about vibes here in the forum, I found the report from Milito Paz and read his description of his experience. I found it interesting because for me, as up ’til now, the change in my mood and day-to-day experience, is different from what I had imagined it could be. Because it’s not like I’m feeling on the “top of the world” all of the time. It’s simply a fairly consistent state of feeling good — not in the sense of immense excitement, but in the sense of wide satisfaction and peace, punctuated with minor incidents. It’s not like I have replaced the old deranged rollercoaster with a fairytale-like rollercoaster. It’s more like a beautiful path with some occasional potholes.
For a warning, when reading Milito Paz’ reports – he suddenly disappeared when his report was questioned. It is most likely that he mistook his experience for an actual freedom when it was in fact an extensive ‘actuality-mimicking altered state of consciousness’. (link) There have been a few short-lived similar experiences amongst actualists – the new alternative to spiritual ASCs, when the ‘self’ needs an outlet from intense pressure. He had also reported that 2 years prior he was depressed for a long time, though that narrative changed remarkably of what he reported last year.
Here is a short excerpt summary from Richard’s editorial note in a long correspondence on this very topic –
Richard: A possible clue is to be found in a post from twelve days ago (12 Jan 2016; Message № 21544). Viz.:
• [Alan]: ‘… given my history, I would definitely qualify as bipolar were I to place myself in the hands of the ‘sane’ psychiatrists (…)’. [endquote].
Now, whilst most certainly not being in the business of making amateurish psychiatric diagnoses – and especially not via email and chat message information – I do have more than a passing familiarity with both the hypomanic and manic phases characteristic of what is nowadays classified under some form of Bipolar Affective Disorder (BAD) through having lived with a woman of a hyperthymic temperament (hyperthymia as distinct from euthymia), for over a decade, plus interacting with more than a few persons officially diagnosed bipolar (a.k.a. ‘manic-depressive’) and, thus, under specialist treatment.
Thus I do know it is possible to slip into a hypomanic state whilst illuding oneself that it fits the criterion for ‘out-from-control’ as per actualism lingo – and I especially know this via gradually talking a person so afflicted back out of it over time – and one of the hallmarks is the initial difficulty in ‘reaching’ such a person (they are ‘out of reach’ of normal discourse) due to the certitude such a state imbues. (…)
(In my experience a person in the manic phase of bipolar is unreachable, period, and it is only through that most-unfortunate state wearing-off, of its own accord (with or without medication), that normal discourse may recommence).
Incidentally, as there are warnings aplenty on The Actual Freedom Trust web site – about the likely danger of veering off into altered states (either of the spiritual or psychiatric variety) when one ventures beyond the norm ill-prepared – I have retired from talking any such person back out of those cul-de-sacs. (link)
Hence Milito’s report is the wrong kind to compare your own achievements with his. You have done very well in such a short time.
Roy: And I guess this has been a side-effect of the actualism method. Because I’m working on simply examining my day to day, I stopped spending time imagining “what if’s”. I don’t really focus on what “could be”, because I’m spending the time examining what is or seems to be. And it helps that I’m good at examining — it is something I have been doing all my life — but incorrectly. I was focusing on the wrong things. I was trying all the self-improvements and productivity and self-help advice I could find instead of focusing on what was right in front of me: how I’m really experiencing this moment, and why?
This is an excellent re-focussing. Kuba (link) can probably tell you something about his findings of his own (link) “self-improvement” efforts. Now that you are contemplating re-orientation I recommend accessing your long-lost naiveté via utter sincerity – which for most people had been hidden away since puberty – being like a child again but with adult sensibilities. It may take a bit of courage if you are hesitant to appear foolish but it is immensely rewarding. This is not only to learn again to have fun but also to recognize how truly wondrous life is when you let yourself freely and naïvely enjoy and appreciate it. While “self-improvement” may improve what you are doing (and inadvertently also improve the ‘self’), naiveté will entice you to improve what you are being (and your daughter can give you some clues too). 
Roy: In conclusion, I’ll continue and try to catch myself whenever I contemplate (which happens occasionally) things like “Oh wouldn’t it be great if I could trigger PCEs?” “Oh wouldn’t it be great if I could get rid of my ‘self’?” etc… and simply focus on investigating how I’m experiencing the moment. In the past, situations have happened where I tried to get something really hard and was unable, just to later stop chasing it and have it drop on my lap. Maybe that’ll happen this time? We’ll see (link)
Rather than catching yourself, why not be less serious in your attitude towards yourself … sincere yes, but not serious. With naiveté operating you can easily and joyfully allow/invite a PCE to happen.
Cheers Vineeto