Yea exactly! In other words if you write clearly and put down actual complete thoughts, you are then put in a position of being able to be wrong. This is wonderful — knowing you’re wrong you can then change. But it can feel terrible due to identity self preservation instincts. This is a very deleterious instinct and the sooner one is able to rid oneself of it the better.
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Wow! @Kub933
That is spot on! Thanks for taking the time!
It is early morning here, so I am just waking up and will reread your post again later. It’s exciting to have another way to approach this habit open up so clearly. Another angle to see how it works and something to look out for.
Thanks again,
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You’re most welcome 
It’s a lot of fun to get to the bottom of these things for me too. I understand myself better now also because I always had the inclination to understand things cohesively, and being able to share various discoveries with others is part of it (perhaps this is why I write so much on the forum). Because in order to say teach a BJJ move I have to understand it completely first in order to convey it to others - so it’s a win win, a clearer understanding for me and potential benefit for another. And it’s a good test, if I can convey something to another clearly and effectively then it is likely I understand it thoroughly, once again the polar opposite to the MO of a mystic etc.
It’s funny looking back now because in the past I tried to shut down this aspect of myself, even going as far as calling it a messiah complex… This is because my inclination towards full understanding and clear communication was tangled up with belonging to ‘humanity’, so it was messy.
But now having untangled myself from that it is so much fun (all the while being beneficial) to allow native intelligence to operate freely more and more, it’s amazing what is possible when ‘I’ begin to get out of the way haha 
.
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So I will continue this thought, and initial success with this premise today.
The genesis of the premise was in considering how to “nip in the bud” the habit of intellectualising continuously. I already know that it isn’t possible to “stop thinking” which is the natural moralistic way of dealing with intellectualism, and I also know that " thinking" isn’t the problem as per the many discussions and examples here and on the AFT of intelligent discussion and thoughtful contemplating being key to making any progress.
It occurred to me the many times a minute that intellectualisation occurred, it’s mainly into fantasy, rumination, imaginary conversations, or winding and incomplete self analysis, imaginary fights with strangers is a popular topic.
However, in all of that, where are the facts?
I wanted to stick with the facts. Are feelings driving ‘intellectualisation’ facts?
Are they telling me what is factually happening around me? Am ‘i’ perceiving anything factual via feelings? Am ‘i’ rather instead blind to facts, and making ‘shit’ up to suit ‘myself’
So, today I felt a lot more freedom to feel good, because I had this premise running all day. Whatever ‘I’ am feeling, has no factual content about the actual world, or even the ‘real’ world of what others are thinking or feeling. They are ‘my’ internal world.
I felt it was a breeze to feel good all day, including commuting both ways to work in gridlock traffic.
I was careful not to go any further with the premise, than what was working to keep intellectualism in check. As soon as something less than feeling good happened, I reminded myself that it contains information on how I can become free of the human condition, (how I tick, allowing me to choose more and more how I feel), but zero facts about what I am seeing, or who I am talking to, or absolutely anything coming in via the senses.
I perceive it to be very freeing! Like the burden of making ‘sense’ of the world has lifted!
The factual world is happening, ‘I’ can concern ‘myself’ with a singular goal; feeling good.
The world doesn’t need ‘me’ ‘worrying’, or any one of the myriad ways ‘I’ proliferate in 'intelectualism '.
Otherwise said, ‘I’ am free to 'mind my own business ', and that business is getting busy feeling good. 
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The short version is " ‘my’ feelings are not telling me anything factual about the world"!
I just used it talking with a mate, and the phone call dropped out. I had a flash of fear that something bad happened.
“feelings don’t tell me anything factual about the world”, no rumination or morbid fantasy.
Indeed, my ex habit of ‘intellectualism’ is all about springing of some feeling into a drawn out worry fest, or fantasy etc.
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Morning traffic contemplating update.
So, it was unclear what I was feeling. Flat etc wasn’t cutting it. Obviously, wanting to keep the momentum, I eventually decided to contemplate recent advice from Vineeto.
Naivete being first squashed by puberty is quite the revelation!
I immediately, on considering this as a premise felt the same sense of freedom as yesterday. A breath of fresh air type of experience, seeing an horizon and vista open up.
It wasn’t something outside of ‘me’ that suppressed or usurped the naivete, it was ‘my’ own development as a psychic ‘entity’.
Blind nature in other words, but not something ‘outside’ of ‘me’.
Later, just a few minutes ago, I discovered what the feeling was in the morning (after deciding that whatever it was, it was repressed/suppressed); doubt!
I felt doubt.
So the contemplating is now about allowing this new information into my experience. Sincerity and naivete are available, there is no need to doubt this.
It’s great to have a clear signal when something hits home. The world around becomes that bit more open, a fresh feeling is there.
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Yeah, that is very perspicacious! Really put a pin in that “fresh feeling”, so you can remember it / rememorate it at any time what it’s like. This is something to cultivate and nourish!! It is a sign that you are on the right track, on the wide and wondrous path.
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Joined a couple of dots just then…
Last night when trying to sleep I was fantasising about how successful I am going to be with actualism. I recognised it was another intellectualism being fuelled by a feeling. It was obviously ‘hope’.
First time I think I have considered looking at nipping hope in the bud!
Anyway, the dots joined; going to sleep realising 'hope ’ is a waste of sleep time, the morning was full of ‘doubt’. A tag team of ‘me’ now giving up the psychic energy to the cause!
A very generous donation even if ‘i’ say so ‘myself’ 
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Peter’s quote on the front page of the AFT was last night’s contemplation.
Peter:
“• ‘Unless one is willing to contemplate being happy and being harmless, virtually free of malice and sorrow, 99% of the time – then forget the whole business. (…) If someone is not willing to make that level of ‘self’-sacrifice then any interest in Actual Freedom would remain a purely cerebral exercise – a useless ‘self’-deception …’. [emphasis added].”
I made some notes about it, as a way to parse something I would normally have glossed over.
(The following questions are me asking myself, not specifically questions for the forum)
What is ‘self’ sacrifice in terms of Peter’s quote?
Is being happy and harmless for the rest of one’s life ‘self’ sacrifice?
It sounds selfish. Yet here, from Peter, truly dedicating ‘myself’ to being happy and harmless is ‘self’ sacrifice!
How can that be?
I considered what had struck my yesterday about naivete being usurped by puberty. That is, ‘I’ did it to ‘myself’ in the normal progression of becoming ‘me’.
So it starts to click. Why am ‘I’ not already naturally happy and harmless?
It’s not ‘my’ natural state. ‘I’ am in the way of it.
Ok, so it is ‘I’ who must, at the very least, change radically!
Clear on this point.
Why is it a sacrifice? Considering ‘I’ am the primary beneficiary?
This is the part, specifically the word which has been unexamined by myself.
‘my’ conditioning, et al. has that word filed next to Jesus. To literally physically dying. To old testament sacrifices of bulls, and sheep, and grains and wines spilt on an alter.
More personally, of normal sacrifices that someone trying to be a good parent, partner, everyday citizen may make for the good of others.
That last one is I suspect closer to the sacrifice being described.
There will be no goats, bulls, chickens harmed, and the wine will not be poured on the ground!!
Yet is still strikes me as a strange word. (Again, these are internal questions I have been asking, not specifically questions for the forum)
I can however see that ‘I’ must willingly give up my ‘right’ to;
Anger. Including ‘justified’ anger.
Sadness. Including my ‘right’ to sympathy.
Licentiousness. Including my ‘right’ to "do whatever ‘I’ want. (In terms of harmless living)
However, this ‘self’ sacrifice obviously can’t have the feeling of sacrifice, as the method and goal are a feeling of being happy and harmless!
Here in lies a key for me to consider. Functionally and practically, and in the literal sense, ‘I’ am “sacrificing” ‘myself’. In the experiential sense, in the ‘real’ world of my ‘own’ making, ‘I’ am rather having a progressively great time.
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Writing that out, using my notes I made, I have made a connection between the two examples of what “sacrifice” has meant to me (religious and parental/societal) and the ‘self’ sacrifice described by the AFT.
‘I’ was doing the former (not killing goats and bulls! but rather repression and negation, “the straight and narrow” path) and the later (working hard for my family, being a good citizen etc) ultimately for ‘myself’.
For ‘my’ salvation. For ‘my’ legacy. For ‘my’ reputation. Also, many sacrifices were directly done to get something ‘I’ wanted. Mostly, “getting the girl”, or trying to keep her happy!
The connection being obvious then, ‘I’ am still being encouraged to sacrifice however there is a singular goal, which is something ‘I’ am not naturally inclined to ‘be’, or ‘I’ would already ‘be’ it; happy and harmless.
This is something I will continue to contemplate. As I had always glossed over statements like Peter’s on the AFT. With something like “you can’t get rid of me that easily!”.
Which in reflection has an unfortunate double meaning. 
Andrew: Joined a couple of dots just then…
Last night when trying to sleep I was fantasising about how successful I am going to be with actualism. I recognised it was another intellectualism being fuelled by a feeling. It was obviously ‘hope’.
First time I think I have considered looking at nipping hope in the bud!
Anyway, the dots joined; going to sleep realising ‘hope’ is a waste of sleep time, the morning was full of ‘doubt’. A tag team of ‘me’ now giving up the psychic energy to the cause!
A very generous donation even if ‘I’ say so ‘myself’ (link)
Hi Andrew,
If you genuinely realized that “‘hope’ is a waste of sleep time” and apparently doubt is as well, and therefore you are “giving up the psychic energy”, then why do you consider this “giving up” of fruitless feelings/beliefs a “very generous donation”?
In other words, where is the virtue in throwing out rubbish?
Andrew: Peter’s quote on the front page of the AFT was last night’s contemplation.
Peter: “• ‘Unless one is willing to contemplate being happy and being harmless, virtually free of malice and sorrow, 99% of the time – then forget the whole business. (…) If someone is not willing to make that level of ‘self’-sacrifice then any interest in Actual Freedom would remain a purely cerebral exercise – a useless ‘self’-deception …’. [emphasis added].”
To contribute to your ongoing contemplation, let me first put the two instances of this quote in context –
Peter: Virtual Freedom is a readily obtainable, realistic goal available for anyone – and is an essential step on the path to Actual Freedom. Whilst an actual freedom from malice and sorrow is the goal, the end and the means are the same – one needs to do whatever it takes to be both happy and harmless this very moment. Unless one is willing to contemplate a virtual happiness and harmlessness, to be virtually free of malice and sorrow, 99% of the time – then one might as well forget the whole business. If someone is not willing to make this level of ‘self’-sacrifice then any interest in an Actual Freedom would remain a purely cerebral exercise, wishful thinking and a useless self-deception. [emphasis added]. (Actualism, A précis of the method of Actualism, Section: Virtual Freedom)
Peter: Virtual Freedom is a readily obtainable, realistic goal available for anyone – and is an essential step on the path to Actual Freedom. Unless one is willing to contemplate a virtual freedom of being happy and harmless, free of malice and sorrow, 99% of the time – then forget the whole business. If someone is not willing to make this level of ‘self’-sacrifice, then any interest in an Actual Freedom would remain a purely cerebral exercise – a useless self-deception. Virtual Freedom is available for everyone, and anyone, who has the sincere intent to be happy and harmless. [emphasis added]. (Actualism, An Actualist’s Guide for the Wide and Wondrous Path, Section: Virtual Freedom)
What “this level of ‘self’-sacrifice” refers to in both quotes is the willingness to contemplate “being happy and harmless, free of malice and sorrow, 99% of the time”. The reason why Peter called it a level of ‘self’-sacrifice is because it requires courage and persistence to change one’s habits and remove the affective obstacles and beliefs (including ideas, principles, ideation, faith, trust, intuitions, reliance on factoids, anything one is fervently wishing to be true) including a natural tendency of addiction to suffering to being enjoyment and appreciation each moment again – in other words, non-biological altruism.
This is not to be confused with the biologically altruistic (once-in-a-lifetime) ‘self’-sacrifice of one’s entire ‘self’, one’s ‘being’, one’s ‘presence’ which will result in ‘my’ extinction resulting in an actual freedom –
RICHARD: ‘I am not at all altruistic – nor unselfish – let alone nurturing … ‘twas the identity inhabiting the body who was. And the altruism I spoke of (further above) – altruistic ‘self’-immolation – is a once-in-a-lifetime event and not the real-world day-to-day altruism (unselfishness) … such everyday unselfishness falls under the category of morality or ethicality. Where I use the word altruism in a non-biological sense is where it is synonymic to the magnanimity of benevolence … for example:
[Richard]: ‘In order to mutate from the self-centred licentiousness to a self-less sensualism, one must have confidence in the ultimate beneficence of the universe. This confidence – this surety – can be gained from a pure consciousness experience, wherein ‘I’, the psychological entity [and ‘me’, the psychic entity], temporarily ceases to exist. Life is briefly seen to be already perfect and innocent … it is a life-changing experience. One is physically experiencing first-hand, albeit momentarily, this actual world – a spontaneously benevolent world – that antedates the normal world. The normal world is commonly known as the real world or reality. (…) The experience of purity is a benefaction. Out of this blessing comes pure intent, which will consistently guide one through the travails of daily life, gently ushering in an increasing ease and generosity of character. With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more self-less. With this expanding altruism one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric. Eventually the moment comes wherein something definitive happens, physically, inside the brain and ‘I’ am nevermore. ‘Being’ ceases – it was only a psychic apparition anyway – and war is over, forever, in one human being’. (pages 124-125: ‘Richard’s Journal’ ©The Actual Freedom Trust 1997).
The growing magnanimity (an increasing generosity of character) referred to as an expanding altruism is a munificent well-wishing … the etymological root of the word benevolent is the Latin ‘benne velle’ (meaning ‘wish well’). And well-wishing stems from fellowship regard – like species recognise like species throughout the animal world – for we are all fellow human beings and have the capacity for what is called a ‘theory of mind’.
The way to an actual freedom from the human condition is the same as an actual freedom from the human condition – the means to the end are not different from the end – inasmuch that where one is happy and harmless as an on-going modus operandi benevolence operates of its own accord … you partly indicated this (above) where you commented that people are generally helpful toward each other when feeling happy. Where benevolence is flourishing morals and ethics, as a matter of course, fall redundant by the wayside … unused, unneeded and unnecessary. (Richard, AF List, No. 27d, 6 Dec 2002).
Andrew: I made some notes about it, as a way to parse something I would normally have glossed over.
(The following questions are me asking myself, not specifically questions for the forum)
What is ‘self’ sacrifice in terms of Peter’s quote?
Is being happy and harmless for the rest of one’s life ‘self’ sacrifice?
Enjoying and appreciating, and thus being happy and harmless as much as humanly possible, is, in short, non-biological altruism because becoming virtually free it requires giving up those aspects of ‘me’ (‘self’) who indulge in (perhaps even revel in and enjoy) feeling and acting maliciously and sorrowfully. As you may have noticed, not many people like to give up any of their precious feelings, hence rigorous social conditioning backed-up by police and army is required in every society. Even you, in your last post (link) have considered giving up ‘hope’ and ‘doubt’ as a “generous donation”, i.e. an act of (real-world) virtue.
Andrew: It sounds selfish. Yet here, from Peter, truly dedicating ‘myself’ to being happy and harmless is ‘self’ sacrifice!
How can that be?
You are not seriously telling me that you cannot see how you becoming more happy and more harmless (considerate and innocuous) will benefit those you interact with as well as your own well-being? Let me give you a hint –
Richard: I cannot stress enough how, with a virtual freedom being more or less the norm worldwide, global amity and equity would be an on-going state of affairs. (Library, Topics, Virtual Freedom).
The reason why wanting to enjoy and appreciate (and be happy and harmless) “sounds selfish” to you is because you only consider the choice between two alternatives – being ‘selfish’ as opposed to being unselfish. Actualism is the third alternative – eliminate ‘self’ in its entirety and thus make both real-world and spiritual world morals and ethics redundant –
Richard: Where benevolence is flourishing morals and ethics, as a matter of course, fall redundant by the wayside … unused, unneeded and unnecessary. (Richard, AF List, No. 27d, 6 Dec 2002).
Richard: A virtuous ‘self’ – an unselfish ‘self’ – is still a ‘self’ nevertheless. (Richard, AF List, No. 25h, 9 Jan 2005).
Rick: For the most part, though, I seemingly care only about me and the rest of the world come in a distant second place.
Richard: Why do you separate yourself out from all your fellow human beings/ all your fellow human beings out from yourself as if the one should take precedence over the other/ the other should take precedence over the one?
It is altruism in the virtuous sense, as in being an unselfish/ selfless self, to put the other before oneself (as an antidote to being selfish). (Richard, AF List, No. Rick-a, 21 Jan 2006).
When you become more felicitous and innocuous you benefit both yourself and others around you. Additionally, you reduce emanating malicious and sorrowful vibes. (link).
Andrew: I considered what had struck me yesterday about naivete being usurped by puberty. That is, ‘I’ did it to ‘myself’ in the normal progression of becoming ‘me’.
Ha, a clear example of ‘I’ claiming a deed which occurred of its own accord via pubertal hormones.
Andrew: So it starts to click. Why am ‘I’ not already naturally happy and harmless?
It’s not ‘my’ natural state. ‘I’ am in the way of it.
Indeed, being happy and harmless is not your ‘natural state’ – your ‘natural state’ is being equipped with a full set of instinctual passions (fear and aggression) plus the ‘natural’ pacifiers (desire and nurture). Aiming to be the enjoyment and appreciation each moment of your life is a very unnatural aim – hence all of your ‘being’ plus your social conditioning will throw up objections to any change.
Andrew: Ok, so it is ‘I’ who must, at the very least, change radically!
Clear on this point.
Excellent. Actualism is indeed not ‘natural’. Hence changing “radically” is required.
Andrew: Why is it a sacrifice? Considering ‘I’ am the primary beneficiary?
Perhaps this has been answered in the previous section. Let me know if anything remained unclear.
In short, what Peter is talking about is a sacrifice because to become virtually free of malice and sorrow and be able to enjoy and appreciate being alive, the ‘self’ has to become thinner – give up indulgence and relinquish your ‘natural’ tendency to malice and sorrow. The actual beneficiary will be your flesh-and-blood body, that body and every body.
I snipped the following ruminations as you seem to answered most in your follow-up post yourself.
Andrew: In the experiential sense, in the ‘real’ world of my ‘own’ making, ‘I’ am rather having a progressively great time. (link)
This is excellent to hear.
Andrew: Writing that out, using my notes I made, I have made a connection between the two examples of what “sacrifice” has meant to me (religious and parental/societal) and the ‘self’ sacrifice described by the AFT.
‘I’ was doing the former (not killing goats and bulls! but rather repression and negation, “the straight and narrow” path) and the later (working hard for my family, being a good citizen etc) ultimately for ‘myself’.
For ‘my’ salvation. For ‘my’ legacy. For ‘my’ reputation. Also, many sacrifices were directly done to get something ‘I’ wanted. Mostly, “getting the girl”, or trying to keep her happy!
The connection being obvious then, ‘I’ am still being encouraged to sacrifice however there is a singular goal, which is something ‘I’ am not naturally inclined to ‘be’, or ‘I’ would already ‘be’ it; happy and harmless.
This is something I will continue to contemplate.
Your ongoing reflections turn out to be quite fruitful. Now it’s a matter of putting them into practice.
Andrew; As I had always glossed over statements like Peter’s on the AFT with something like “you can’t get rid of me that easily!”.
Which in reflection has an unfortunate double meaning. (link)
When you write out your reflection on Peter’s statement in an existentially meaningful manner, it has no longer “an unfortunate double meaning” –
[example]: you can’t get rid of ‘me’ that easily! [end example].
Have you noticed that often humour relies on a (slightly) malicious undertone in order to be funny?
Cheers Vineeto
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Thankyou Vineeto,
I will go through your message again, however I thought I would say the the following quote instantly dispelled the confusion of what it is to commit to being happy and harmless and why this is outside of the ‘normal’ definition of selfishness.
It’s a decision and ongoing action which is immediately outside the 'selfish/unselfish ’ dichotomy.
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Hi Vineeto, I was making a joke, however it was not well set up. Perhaps also, it was an example of what Kuba was noticing about deliberately wanting to be misunderstood.
The context I was thinking but did not explain was that the aim is to channel all one’s emotional energy into happy and harmless feelings, so the image was one of 2 feelings donating the psychic energy to the cause.
It makes it funnier actually to picture two feelings (like two church goers) putting something in the collection, but that something is bits of rubbish!
This context makes a lot more sense than how I was interpreting it based on my experiences of sacrifice.
“Unless one is willing to contemplate a virtual happiness and harmlessness” is intensified by the “this level of ‘self’ -sacrifice” , and makes it clear that “any interest in an Actual Freedom would remain a purely cerebral exercise…”
Rather fitting emphasis to be reading in my ongoing effort to minimise any intellectualisation and keep the momentum towards feeling consistently “good”.
On that topic, of how consistent it is, reading Srinaths website he emphasized using the scale of rating how one is generally feeling from “bad, neutral, good, great, excellent, perfect” which obviously I had read, but not considered using this scale consistently.
It was a good way to be able to better gauge my day, as in the way I could get the noticing of a dip in feeling good, without any immediate need to be too specific in that moment. Which has always been the opening to intellectualism. That is, I know I am feeling bad, but I don’t call it that. I will start looking for reasons, and such.
So my day is far easier to gauge how it is going. For example, today was mostly"neutral " with decent pockets of "good " and a few spikes of “bad”.
With that in mind, it’s far easier to now think back and contemplate each part of the day, what triggered the spikes of bad, why there was so much neutral (what feelings are hiding out in anonymity there I wonder? Hmm), and what got me back to feeling good.
This gives me useful "homework ".
A decent percentage of the feeling good times are triggered by remembering that I am having success.
This morning, driving in the traffic again, I reacted with instant anger, swearing out loud and honking the horn at someone cutting in.
Without describing the whole event, it really gave me a lot to consider on the rest of the drive. It was so automatic and instant, I was stunned actually.
I have plenty to contemplate now. As your clarifications about Peter’s quote, and Richards quote have injected new enthusiasm into just what I can do more of.
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This coupled with Richard’s reply to Rick, are a “light bulb” moment for me.
It reminds me of that cartoon of a young girl throwing starfish back into the ocean after a storm. An old cynical man says something like “why bother?, it’s not going to make a difference”
To which the girl picks up a starfish and says “It’s going to make all the difference in the world for this one!” and throws it in.
‘I’ have my very own starfish to throw back in!
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Starting with the obvious and unmistakable explosion of anger while driving, my contemplation lead me to make a “rule” of sorts. I will, as much as it is up to me and safe, let people “cut in”.
For the record, it was the most classic and clear example of ‘my’ ‘feelings’ are telling me nothing factual about the world around me or people in it.
I wonder if all the details are useful, but to get to the point, the person immediately turned left into the intersection that the 500 meter line of traffic I was in effectively blocked!
If it had been a line at the checkout of a shop, it was the equivalent of someone saying “excuse me” and passing through the line to get to somewhere else in the shop, because the checkout line was blocking access.
There were thoughts of it being important to yell at people to keep them in check. Of being a perpetual “sucker” if I were to passively give way to all and sundry.
In the end it was an easy decision. If letting people in, as a self imposed “rule” means I can remain in a minimum of "neutral " and not dip for even a moment into “bad”, then “sucker” it is, and I resign my role as a ‘behaviour police’ under the human constitutional rules!
Further to this thought;
The explosion of anger answers part of that question.
What feelings are hiding in neutral? The explosion of anger came automatically and instantly out of a neutral mood!
So, there is one hiding.
It reminds me of Srinaths report of becoming free, where he describes the “teaspoon full as weighing a ton”, and ‘he’ could roar back into life at anytime and ruin things for everyone!
Srinath:
" I went out to the balcony and looked down and saw some people walking. I could see that even though everything was nearly perfect that last little bit of ‘me’ was there separating myself from everyone else on this planet and spoiling perfection. The spoonful that weighed a tonne. ‘I’ would roar back into full existence creating havoc for this body and every body, given half a chance. I had to ‘die’ so that this body and every other body could live peacefully. I would need to truly die. The enormity of this dawned on me suddenly like it never had before. The enormity of what I had to give up. It took my breath away. Suddenly I felt a twinge of sadness that emerged from me like a thin pungent streak. But it cut-off abruptly as if in mid-air, still-born.
Nothing else happened. "
Obviously, very different, but I certainly roared and created havoc for this body, and at least one other body. If not quite a few more.
Vineeto: If you genuinely realized that “‘hope’ is a waste of sleep time” and apparently doubt is as well, and therefore you are ”giving up the psychic energy”, then why do you consider this “giving up” of fruitless feelings/beliefs a ”very generous donation”?
In other words, where is the virtue in throwing out rubbish?
Andrew: Hi Vineeto, I was making a joke, however it was not well set up. Perhaps also, it was an example of what Kuba was noticing about deliberately wanting to be misunderstood.
The context I was thinking but did not explain was that the aim is to channel all one’s emotional energy into happy and harmless feelings, so the image was one of 2 feelings donating the psychic energy to the cause.
It makes it funnier actually to picture two feelings (like two church goers) putting something in the collection, but that something is bits of rubbish! (…)
Hi Andrew,
Thank you for explaining the joke to me – I see you already understood that abandoning useless/fruitless habits and beliefs is something to rejoice in and not a loss at all.
Andrew: On that topic, of how consistent it is, reading Srinath’s website he emphasized using the scale of rating how one is generally feeling from “bad, neutral, good, great, excellent, perfect” which obviously I had read, but not considered using this scale consistently.
It was a good way to be able to better gauge my day, as in the way I could get the noticing of a dip in feeling good, without any immediate need to be too specific in that moment. Which has always been the opening to intellectualism. That is, I know I am feeling bad, but I don’t call it that. I will start looking for reasons, and such.
So my day is far easier to gauge how it is going. For example, today was mostly “neutral” with decent pockets of “good” and a few spikes of “bad”.
With that in mind, it’s far easier to now think back and contemplate each part of the day, what triggered the spikes of bad, why there was so much neutral (what feelings are hiding out in anonymity there I wonder? Hmm), and what got me back to feeling good.
This gives me useful “homework “.
A decent percentage of the feeling good times are triggered by remembering that I am having success.
Excellent – appreciating success is a great habit to cultivate – it increases enjoyment and gives encouragement to proceed.
Andrew: This morning, driving in the traffic again, I reacted with instant anger, swearing out loud and honking the horn at someone cutting in. Without describing the whole event, it really gave me a lot to consider on the rest of the drive. It was so automatic and instant, I was stunned actually.
To discover the full force with which one’s anger can erupt is certainly educational and can give you pause to contemplate how such a relatively unimportant trigger can produce such an effect. Was there perhaps already a build-up of frustration? Is there an underlying belief of principles of ‘my’ rights? Or something else?
Andrew: I have plenty to contemplate now. As your clarifications about Peter’s quote, and Richard’s quote have injected new enthusiasm into just what I can do more of. (link)
You are welcome, Andrew. Even if the question might appear trivial it can provide astounding clarity when answered.
Cheers Vineeto
Thanks Vineeto,
Indeed, that was the contemplation for the next few hundred metres on the road yesterday morning which brought up,
Later, when sitting down to think it through, and came up with my “rule” to address that particular trigger (people cutting in), it very much was obvious that I could also…
All day today however, I have been questioning more, as in an ongoing pondering, on how to get out of “neutral” more, but it hasn’t so far been obvious.
Now you ask the question;
That definitely rings a bell.
I will look at this more tonight. Though my initial thoughts are that I would rather be very many other places than stuck in traffic then attending 8 hours of work (although I do like my job) then stuck in traffic again.
Thankfully, my broken ribs have healed enough that I could ride my motorcycle to work, which is naturally more enjoyable (whilst not being a pleasure as such, the freeway is not naturally a pleasant ride).
On the topic of built up frustrations,
I had been, until last week end pushing myself to improve “my lot” with the goal of not being so financially dependant on a “9-5” job. The recent success of feeling mostly neutral, with pockets of good, and minimal bad, gave that goal some needed mental space.
I am thinking far clearer than I was before.
However, such a endeavour, however successful it may eventually be, isn’t the answer for “now”. I was investigating a lot of time and energy into it, and it became clear last night that there was a lot of hope and scheming in it. With that reduced now, I have seen ways to improve the plan I had. However, before getting back into that plan, I need to dig into my current situation and improve my mood regardless of any future changes in my living conditions. Now is when I am alive, and tomorrow will most likely come, and so will the freeway, and work!
It may be eventually that a “sea change” is part of the solution. A physical move to an environment more naturally conducive to well being.
As it is, my days are vastly more enjoyable at a constant “neutral” with pockets of “good”, and very little “bad”. However, I will need to dig deeper, as it is obvious enough that greater dedication to uncovering built up frustrations, social identity beliefs etc is needed.
The main conclusion I came to through the day was what Claudiu suggested about “remembering” the fresh feeling I had described as a way of tracking back to feeling good. That and leaning into pure intent when that feeling of well-being is there. I am feeling a freshness when I do that, and as I am well aware that a steadfast connection to pure intent is essential before “whittling away” at any otherwise important to keep ‘me’ in check socialisation.
That was the direction of the pondering today, leaning into and remembering that fresh feeling, and learning what it is to have a connection with pure intent (learning obviously what it is to begin with!)
I am learning to nip in the bud any meandering theorising and stick with a few very clear recent successes. (My feelings are not informing me of facts about the world around me, and there is a distinct experience that happens when something “hits home”, being the two that are the most easily remembered).
I would put money on there being a whole lot of something else which only increased sincerity and naivete have any chance of uncovering.
I think at the moment, a decent reading session of the AFT is in order. So much of our recent conversations could be more productive on my part, if I were to go through and use this latest success to read “with my eyes open” .
Cheers
Andrew
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Andrew: All day today however, I have been questioning more, as in an ongoing pondering, on how to get out of “neutral” more, but it hasn’t so far been obvious. Now you ask the question;
Vineeto: Was there perhaps already a build-up of frustration?
Andrew: That definitely rings a bell. I will look at this more tonight. Though my initial thoughts are that I would rather be very many other places than stuck in traffic then attending 8 hours of work (although I do like my job) then stuck in traffic again.
Thankfully, my broken ribs have healed enough that I could ride my motorcycle to work, which is naturally more enjoyable (whilst not being a pleasure as such, the freeway is not naturally a pleasant ride).
Good, that is a practical solution. However, there is more …
Andrew: On the topic of built up frustrations,
I had been, until last week end pushing myself to improve “my lot” with the goal of not being so financially dependant on a “9-5” job. The recent success of feeling mostly neutral, with pockets of good, and minimal bad, gave that goal some needed mental space.
I am thinking far clearer than I was before.
However, such an endeavour, however successful it may eventually be, isn’t the answer for “now”. I was investigating a lot of time and energy into it, and it became clear last night that there was a lot of hope and scheming in it. With that reduced now, I have seen ways to improve the plan I had. However, before getting back into that plan, I need to dig into my current situation and improve my mood regardless of any future changes in my living conditions. Now is when I am alive, and tomorrow will most likely come, and so will the freeway, and work!
That is a very good outcome of contemplation. When you attempt to “to improve ‘my lot’” the way you have done so far, i.e. with pushing yourself and generally in a ‘fighting the world’ mode, the outcome is likely to be frustration, exhaustion, and building-up anger and anxiety.
Can you see a way to do it by being friendly with yourself – and others – and by allowing yourself to enjoy the things you have to do, or you want to do, and by appreciating this moment of being alive? Perhaps even a bit more in a naïve way?
Richard’s approach to make enjoyment easier might also appeal to you –
Richard: I did everything possible that ‘I’ could do to blatantly imitate the actual in that ‘I’ endeavoured to be happy and harmless for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis. That is, ‘I’ would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but if it did not turn out like that … it did not really matter for it was only a preference. ‘I’ chose to no longer give other people – or the weather – the power to make ‘me’ angry … or even irritated … or even peeved. (Richard, List B, No. 12a, 16 Jul 1998)
Andrew: It may be eventually that a “sea change” is part of the solution. A physical move to an environment more naturally conducive to well being.
Even though you have a long-term goal but that doesn’t need to exclude you in the meantime from enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive.
Andrew: As it is, my days are vastly more enjoyable at a constant “neutral” with pockets of “good”, and very little “bad”. However, I will need to dig deeper, as it is obvious enough that greater dedication to uncovering built up frustrations, social identity beliefs etc is needed.
These days of “a constant ‘neutral’” are clearly worth of investigation. They still indicate being a product of habitual dis-association or bulging the carpet, under which some unwanted feelings are hiding.
Here I found a succinct description of the actualism method –
Richard: What I can say is this: as the many and various emotions/ passions are the same affective energy, at root, then directing all of that affective energy into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings (that is, ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being, which is ‘being’ itself), via minimisation of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings and maximisation of the happy and harmless feelings, will have the effect of involuntarily radiating felicitous/ innocuous vibes and currents as a matter of course. (Richard, List D, No. 25c, 29 Oct 2013
Andrew: The main conclusion I came to through the day was what Claudiu suggested about “remembering” the fresh feeling I had described as a way of tracking back to feeling good. That and leaning into pure intent when that feeling of well-being is there. I am feeling a freshness when I do that, and as I am well aware that a steadfast connection to pure intent is essential before “whittling away” at any otherwise important to keep ‘me’ in check socialisation.
That was the direction of the pondering today, leaning into and remembering that fresh feeling, and learning what it is to have a connection with pure intent (learning obviously what it is to begin with!)
That is an excellent suggestion from Claudiu.
Andrew: I am learning to nip in the bud any meandering theorising and stick with a few very clear recent successes. (My feelings are not informing me of facts about the world around me, and there is a distinct experience that happens when something “hits home”, being the two that are the most easily remembered).
Be careful though, not to confuse ‘nipping in the bud’ with suppressing unwanted feelings –
Richard: The phrase ‘nipping them in the bud’ is not to be confused with either suppression/ repression or ignoring/ avoiding … it is to be consciously and deliberatively – with knowledge aforethought – declining oh-so-sensibly to futilely go down that well-trodden path to nowhere fruitful yet again. (Richard, AF List, Rick, 24 April 2005)
Even though “feelings are not informing me of facts about the world around me” they nevertheless inform you about how you feel, and if it is not feeling good, it informs you that there is something to look at and to dismantle the obstacle (once you get back to feeling good) – so that it does not happen again and again.
Andrew: I think at the moment, a decent reading session of the AFT is in order. So much of our recent conversations could be more productive on my part, if I were to go through and use this latest success to read “with my eyes open”. (link)
This is an excellent plan. Claudiu produced a search engine specifically for the AFT website, accessible on the homepage (icon at the top right hand corner).
Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ found that each time, after making some progress, ‘she’ found more hints and clues in Richard’s writing, even though ‘she’ had read the pages before. It does take a while to take it all in – after all, actualism is a new paradigm, and as feeling being one tends to read a lot through one’s previous template of beliefs, principles, morals and ethics, and all the rest of one’s conditioning.
Cheers Vineeto
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Thanks Vineeto.
This is the overarching challenge. With the day being mostly made up of tasks which are at best, mildly naturally enjoyable, to mostly bland and repetitive, to slightly annoying at times, my only option for really finding out what is under the “bulging carpet “ (I like that image ) it to engage in the chore (as Richard put it), of making myself sit down in the evening and start digging it out.
This really is the only option. During the day, there is no time to really get a grip on this neutral mood. Which is good that I can see it, as it wasn’t so obvious before. I was particularly exhausted tonight. Not through any strenuous activity, but the normal grind of work.
@claudiu thank you for this! It is amazing to have! I didn’t know you had done this. What an amazing gift! 
I have graduated from my phone to my iPad for reading the forum and AFT. (An iPad I bought 2 years ago especially to be able to write notes and investigate. Which lasted for about 6 notes, before YouTube was its only function 
)
I did have some success last night doing just that , using the note function on the iPad with the apple pen. I enjoy writing this way.
The edges of what is “under the carpet “ seems to be a fear of losing anything I achieve. In general. I mentioned this a few dozen posts back that I am afraid of losing what I work for. That seems to be the theme anyway.
My sleep is full of dreams these days. Which it normally is, but more vivid and emotional. I always take this as a good sign that something is stirring in my psyche.
Cheers
Andrew
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