Andrew

[Andrew]

Thanks Vineeto,

@Vineeto

Was there perhaps already a build-up of frustration? Is there an underlying belief of principles of ‘my’ rights? Or something else?

Indeed, that was the contemplation for the next few hundred metres on the road yesterday morning which brought up,

@Andrew

There were thoughts of it being important to yell at people to keep them in check. Of being a perpetual “sucker” if I were to passively give way to all and sundry.

Later, when sitting down to think it through, and came up with my “rule” to address that particular trigger (people cutting in), it very much was obvious that I could also…

@Andrew

resign my role as a ‘behaviour police’ under the human constitutional rules!

All day today however, I have been questioning more, as in an ongoing pondering, on how to get out of “neutral” more, but it hasn’t so far been obvious.

Now you ask the question;

@Vineeto

Was there perhaps already a build-up of frustration?

That definitely rings a bell.

I will look at this more tonight. Though my initial thoughts are that I would rather be very many other places than stuck in traffic then attending 8 hours of work (although I do like my job) then stuck in traffic again.

Thankfully, my broken ribs have healed enough that I could ride my motorcycle to work, which is naturally more enjoyable (whilst not being a pleasure as such, the freeway is not naturally a pleasant ride).

On the topic of built up frustrations,
I had been, until last week end pushing myself to improve “my lot” with the goal of not being so financially dependant on a “9-5” job. The recent success of feeling mostly neutral, with pockets of good, and minimal bad, gave that goal some needed mental space.

I am thinking far clearer than I was before.

However, such a endeavour, however successful it may eventually be, isn’t the answer for “now”. I was investigating a lot of time and energy into it, and it became clear last night that there was a lot of hope and scheming in it. With that reduced now, I have seen ways to improve the plan I had. However, before getting back into that plan, I need to dig into my current situation and improve my mood regardless of any future changes in my living conditions. Now is when I am alive, and tomorrow will most likely come, and so will the freeway, and work!

It may be eventually that a “sea change” is part of the solution. A physical move to an environment more naturally conducive to well being.

As it is, my days are vastly more enjoyable at a constant “neutral” with pockets of “good”, and very little “bad”. However, I will need to dig deeper, as it is obvious enough that greater dedication to uncovering built up frustrations, social identity beliefs etc is needed.

The main conclusion I came to through the day was what Claudiu suggested about “remembering” the fresh feeling I had described as a way of tracking back to feeling good. That and leaning into pure intent when that feeling of well-being is there. I am feeling a freshness when I do that, and as I am well aware that a steadfast connection to pure intent is essential before “whittling away” at any otherwise important to keep ‘me’ in check socialisation.

That was the direction of the pondering today, leaning into and remembering that fresh feeling, and learning what it is to have a connection with pure intent (learning obviously what it is to begin with!)

I am learning to nip in the bud any meandering theorising and stick with a few very clear recent successes. (My feelings are not informing me of facts about the world around me, and there is a distinct experience that happens when something “hits home”, being the two that are the most easily remembered).

@Vineeto

Or something else?

I would put money on there being a whole lot of something else which only increased sincerity and naivete have any chance of uncovering.

I think at the moment, a decent reading session of the AFT is in order. So much of our recent conversations could be more productive on my part, if I were to go through and use this latest success to read “with my eyes open” .

Cheers

Andrew