Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
I just wanted to say this is all really fun and I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to get involved!
Hi Sonya,
It’s a pleasure to hear, I wish you lots of fun on the way to even more enjoyment and appreciation.
Vineeto: … dissociation from one’s feelings is very common and then those suppressed feelings make themselves felt somatically, i.e. in bodily discomfort, physical tensions and pain.
Sonya: This is something I’ve noticed myself doing in the past alot. I think alot of it has diminished now. However, now when an emotion bubbles up it gets overwhelming and I find it hard to just sit and not express it. Especially a couple days before my period when the bar for my emotional tolerance is very low. It seems to be a common time I find a way to start an argument. Last time it was about who was cooking the minced meat .
Oh dear, and it is such fun to cook together! When an emotion bubbles up, the first thing is that you get back to feeling good, without expressing or suppressing the feeling, both action would give it more energy. What most helps to get back to feeling good is the realization that you are wasting this precious moment by being emotional when you could be feeling good instead. Only when you feel good again, then you sort out and look into what has just been happening.
It may look a bit difficult at the start but most the time it’s a (silly) habitual reaction like blaming yourself of the other, trying to push the feeling away or wanting to act it out. All these increase the energy of the feeling itself. If you can stop yourself acting habitually just for a short moment, the feeling will decrease (because you are not feeding it).
Sonya: In the past I never quite understood what Kuba was talking about since I only felt feelings physically (heart racing, lump in my throat). However, reading Kuba’s explanation to me just now it clicked for me and I was able to pinpoint when I’ve had an affective awareness of the feelings. That’s pretty cool to notice .
That is cool, and you patted yourself on the back right away too – appreciation is a multiplier for enjoyment.
Vineeto: Just remember that blaming either yourself or the other only serves to strengthen the ‘persona’, whereas sincere inquiry can not only be successful to dissolve the obstacle but turn out to be fun in the puzzle-solving process itself.
Sonya: This really hit home hahah. I have a tendency to do this and it never ever gets anywhere. It makes so much sense and yet my default is blame.
Yes I know, most people do it automatically. But because it is only a habit and not a deeply ingrained one, it’s easy to discard this behaviour the moment you notice it (like wiggling your toes).
Vineeto: Be a friend to yourself and appreciate your successes, no matter how small they may appear to you at first glance.
Sonya: I remember speaking to my friend about actualism and being happy and harmless. She said to me ‘remember to be happy and harmless to yourself too!’ I felt so silly, the thought never even crossed my mind. (link)
Ha, that’s what well-meaning friends are for. Most children are dutifully trained to be hard on themselves (unless they are spoilt) and become useful members for society, and this inculcated training takes on a life of its own. Devika, Peter and myself had a conversation with Richard in 1997 on this topic which Richard recorded and transcribed (Audiotaped Dialogues, Silly or Sensible). It contains some other useful tips as well.
Enjoy.
Cheers Vineeto