Syd: Hi Vineeto,
Vineeto: So perhaps your first inquiry is about what was so terrible, so frightful in this past experience, and why.
Syd: I think I can respond to this now. In the other topic, I already talked about the various feelings regarding women in general and how, upon meeting her back in November, all those feelings “coalesced and focused themselves unilaterally on her and her alone” (Just feel good, bro - #4 by syd). So basically it were the same feelings but focused and intensified (as if burning an ant with a magnifying glass) on one person; putting all my eggs on the same basket so to speak. This was the beginning of falling in love.
I remember the specific moment when the panic started. During the evening of date 3 (earlier this day I remember first developing the ‘bond’ with her after her EFT tapping), in my couch, I awkwardly attempt physical escalation (back and forth casual touching), with no enthusiastic reciprocation from her, and at some point she decides to leave. Right after this, there was a huge surge of panic (accompanied by heavy breath), and the fear was about ‘losing her forever’ (‘she’ had began already merged with ‘me’; see below). And since I had put all eggs on the same basket, so to speak, this meant … well the end of everything. Hence, the panic. The next day, I fell in love (it is possible that the evening before’s physical touch was a precipitating factor, going by my “lead me to fall in love with her sooner than latter because the sexual desire had no other acceptable outlet” comment in Just feel good, bro - #2 by syd) … it was a full-blown being in a love so much that when I went to an organic grocery store that day I was but ‘flying’ or ‘swimming’ in love with various women visibly picking up on that euphoric ‘energy’ of this man in their vicinity (I happened to spontaneously flirt heavily with a female worker there, who seemed as if she eagerly wanted me to take her home that day).
(…) Rejection meant that separation is validated, highlighted and brought to fore, and because ‘I’ coalesced all of ‘myself’ onto ‘her’ … her rejection meant … well … death.
Hi Syd,
You say that your “desire had no other acceptable outlet” but falling in love to the point where “her rejection meant … well … death”. It’s good to know, and remember, that your love-feelings disappeared (link) and turned into fear and panic, the moment your expectation of a sexual connection was declined, and also how strongly your desire is experienced as love (and possessiveness) and as such, like Kuba said, “it was my desire which was keeping me a slave” (link).
I am also highlighting this because love is not always described or experienced in the same way. Viz.:
Love (Chemistry of Love):
“Love can be distilled into three categories: lust, attraction, and attachment; though there are overlaps and subtleties to each, each type is characterised by its own set of hormones; testosterone and oestrogen drive lust; dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin create attraction; and oxytocin and vasopressin mediate attachment (…); the testes and ovaries secrete the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen, driving sexual desire; dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin are all made in the hypothalamus, a region of the brain which controls many vital functions as well as emotion; lust and attraction shut off the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which includes rational behaviour…”. [emphasis added].
[https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/]. (Richard, Abditorium, Love)
The very intensity of your feelings, both euphoria (hope) and deathly panic (despair) are well worth your decision to change your perspective and keep practicing autonomy as you described further down (link).
Vineeto: Instead of “change in your ‘being’” I should have more precisely said change in the perception of your ‘being’ as I laid it out in the beginning of the sentence – “you will experience a change in the way you feel, in your attitude and general outlook, where, for instance, women are no longer prey or objects of sexual desire but likeable fellow human beings to enjoy their company whatever form that may take”. (link) As you have reported yourself on occasion, when naiveté operates there is an immense tangible change in how you are.
Syd: Is there a significant difference between saying “change in your ‘being’” and “change in the perception of your ‘being’”? Once I so-willingly decline all these desire-expressions (I’m still exploring some subtle ones), seriousness basically goes out of the window, and the near-innocence of naivete becomes accessible. Being coy, for one example, instead of being nervous. And there is a general lightness and cheerfulness regardless of other people’s modus operandi. I quite like it, already.
I have noticed a tendency when having one experiential success, to swing into overconfidence and exaggerated hope, only to then fall back into the previous pattern. Given that you only quoted “change in your ‘being’” and overlooked the first explanatory part of that same sentence of mine, I found it important to emphasize that one’s ‘being’ does not change when you occasionally “reach down inside of yourself intuitively” to the core of your ‘being’.
Richard: Reach down inside of yourself intuitively (aka feeling it out) and go past the rather superficial emotions/ feelings (generally in the chest area) into the deeper, more profound passions/ feelings (generally in the solar plexus area) until you come to a place (generally about four-finger widths below the navel) where you intuitively feel you elementarily have existence as a feeling being (as in ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being … which is ‘being’ itself). [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Syd, 26 May 2009).
In other words, it helps to be realistic and honest with oneself in order that imagination is not fuelling further escalation of hope and despair.
Vineeto: Why do you need others’ “detailed report” to know how to proceed?
Syd: I guess I was looking for a ‘template’ to follow, but you are right, it is actually way more fun (and authentic) to find out for myself. Besides, only I get know all of my idiosyncrasies and intricacies; the same goes for others. Autonomy is operating at levels higher than before.
I am pleased you can see that.
Vineeto: It [practicing denial and transcendence] describes how the mechanism of the old paradigm operated, nowadays further disguised by cloaking those “clouds” in new words gleaned from reports of fully free people such as “common consciousness”, “immanence-in-consciousness”, “being genderless, formless, ageless and vast”, “sense of fixed physicality falling apart” (see link) and ‘transcendence’ renamed as “channeling into”, “by-passing” or simply ignoring uncomfortable feelings.
Syd: Ha, good ol’ bag of tricks I now thankfully no longer needed.
See what I mean by swinging into overconfidence and exaggerated hope, as if those mechanisms have disappeared forever without a trace from one instance of recognition. But denial and transcendence are part of ‘your’ “tricks” of ‘being’ and often habitual, appearing as the twins of despair and hope, rejection and euphoria. It takes ongoing attentiveness in various situations to suss out how you affectively experience yourself, recognizing them in action, again and again, and decline as quickly as you can.
Sometimes I get the impression that for some people actualism is like an exam where one needs to know the right answers, tick the right boxes, follow the right concepts, in order to ‘level up’ – akin to a religious concept like the Buddha’s “eightfold path” of “right view, right resolve, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration”. (see Mahasatipatthana Sutta (d), Richard, List B, No. 13, 8 Jun 1999). It is quite amazing how old habits can sneakily reappear in a new outfit.
Actualism is none of this. There are no levels, no badges of honour, no marks to be earned, no conditions at all.
James: What will it take for me to go the rest of the way to af?
Dona: Richard was confused by this question, as it sounds like you think there are steps, or “a way”.
Actual freedom from the human condition is a pivotal/ decisive moment. You are either actually free or you are not (full stop). It is not possible to go “the rest of the way”. (Dona and Alan’s Report, 4 Oct 2017).
Syd: (…) I simply decided to give up those post-arousal mechanisms; they are just not worth holding on to. Simple as!
I now see what Vineeto means by "[enjoying] their company whatever form that may take". And more importantly, I rediscovered my autonomy. (link)
Vineeto: This is an excellent practical example of what I was describing above – “when you have the readiness to no longer follow the demands of this passion, this cause of your slavery, then it can happen in an instant”.
Syd: Yes, this was my first practical demonstration of it. Not only did it begin to free me up from lifetime of misery, but it also laid the initial confidence to tackle other issues similarly.
What you said above (as quoted in Just feel good, bro - #5 by syd and the post above) was seminal in getting me to directly face all these feelings for the first time. I have immense appreciation for it! (link)
Good. Perhaps you understand now experientially why it is important to keep your feet on the ground, stay down to earth, and avoid feeding one or both of the emotional twins of dramatic high and low feelings but instead get back to feeling good as soon as possible. From there, aim to evince a clear decision to decline “post-arousal mechanisms” or any other harmful mechanisms you encounter/ discover, and thus slowly become more and more autonomous.
Again, for emphasis, facing the particular feelings means you deprive them of additional emotional-psychic energy by neither reacting with fight or flight. You can then see them for what they are – “not worth holding on to”.
Now that you know that it works, and how it works, you might want more of it. 
Cheers Vineeto