Hi Syd,
It seems you have got down to some of the nitty-gritty of what is going on. I remember some years ago having this realisation, that it was my desire which was keeping me a slave. Initially it seemed like it was the woman who was at fault, after-all she had the power over me, the power to affect my self-worth etc. But then it was so clear that I was a self-made slave, it was my desire which made it possible for women to dangle various glittering carrots in front of me, and for me to mindlessly follow.
This is nothing new, that men desire sex and women can and do exploit this… Blind-spot 
. The game-changing thing with actualism is that I can unilaterally step out of this power game. However it does require attending to the fundamental fact - it is my desire which is keeping me a slave.
There was something very nice though that came along with stepping out of this game, which was that I was more able to experience women as fellow human beings, and weirdly enough they also appreciate the fact that it is not possible to make me a slave. After-all that very game which women play is part of the instinctual programming, it does not care for their happiness and deep down they yearn to be free from it also.
Sooo to cut a long story short, by attending to the fact that one is a puppet to one’s own passionate drives one can find not only greater freedom for oneself but also a greater intimacy with the person of the other gender - how neat!