Romantic Love is a fantasy construct

It really has woken me up seeing that pattern so consistently

I can see that my belief about loving vs. my loved experience are not matching up. It’s really good to see so obviously!

1 Like

It’s remarkable.

I am taking it as a challenge myself, to extricate myself from what causes me to “love/want love”.

Love is pain, reaching out, to grasp that something that appears real. Without the pain, no love arises.

Sorta like what @Kiman is saying about harmlessness. Without the hurt, there is no hurt to be passed on.

Dealing with the pain, as in the “buck stops here” I think is the biggest challenge.

We will only hurt the one’s we “love”.

1 Like

We hurt them because we ‘need’ something from them :crazy_face:


1 Like

Wanting to be loved is desire. Like all desires, it causes pain. Desire is like: The object of desire is there, and I am here. I’m pushed to cover the distance to get that.

It helps to breakdown love, what it constitutes: feeling desirable, wanting to fill the void(pain) by finding love, need for social approval and ease to socialize with married friends, validation, wanting to feel loved at the end of the day when you get home because you are fatigued by the daily grind etc.

The buck always stops at our needs, how they are tied to our identity, what part of it gets hurt, and how we try to fulfil them. Bringing our needs to awareness helps us see what needs we have are socially inculcated and what needs are we seeking to cover up what underlying pain.

Not sure where to reply, with all the moving of posts… @Kub933

The point of about love and hurt for me is about the specific instance.

Lately, I have been realising that a lot of my ‘romantic love’ is motivated by wanting to be rejected.

It’s something I hadn’t seen before. Further, I also will reject, eventually, those same people.

If that wasn’t my reality, perhaps another ‘hurt’ would be.

So, I agree that in general terms malice arises naturally in everyone at some point early on in life, however the specifics of the expression can be quite different when it comes to how “love” is being experienced and expressed.
As observed by Annie Lennox in that song “sweet dreams”.

“Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused by you.”

With the perverse twist that it can be true of the same person simultaneously.