Milito’s Journal

Hey guys. Hope you’re all doing very well. I stumbled upon the following excerpt from a private letter penned by Vineeto, dated November 29, 2010:

“[Vineeto]: “The next significant event happened a week after my completion [the abdication of the guardian]. It began with an eerie sensation in the head as if my brain was being operated on whilst being fully conscious. After about 15 minutes or so there was a sensation as if my brain was being scattered throughout the universe. When I recovered from the experience itself enough to find out what actually happened, I noticed that I had lost my centre of reference (a discovery that left me quite disconcerted for about 2 weeks). Richard reported that in the days before he was able to existentially sense me as being close, very close, right in front of his eyes, so to speak, but that after this event he has been no longer able to sense me existentially. The direct result of losing the boundaries of my localized reference during this ‘brain-scattering’ event is that I am permanently apperceptively aware of the infinitude of the universe as infinite space, eternal time and perpetual matter.” Private letter to Tarin, November 29, 2010”

The part I have made bold intrigued me, prompting a reflection on the distinction between sensing someone existentially as a fully free person and sensing them affectively/feeling their vibes. What exactly distinguishes sensing someone existentially from sensing them affectively?

I think there’s only two people who could answer your question and the rest of us can only conjecture.

My experience with sensing someone affectively is that it’s challenging to distinguish their vibes from mine. Am I generating the vibes or are they? I can only figure that being takes up so much space in consciousness that it doesn’t allow other details to come through or prevents developing an increased sensitivity.

I visited the pair last August and afterward Vineeto informed me I was on a cusp of a PCE at one point and they could sense the stillness rising in the room. Being conscious of data outside the boundaries of the 5-senses is a wild thing to try to wrap my head around. Were I to see them again I’d likely indulge in asking them about this, but my suspicion is they’d respond that it works “like magic” as while they can experience such things, they likely don’t know how or why it happens.


Excellent response above

Simple… affective means that it’s being sensed with the emotions / self, whereas ‘existentially’ means relating to existence, in this case the factual existence of the other.

For more examples of Richard describing strange and magical phenomena (which he has no explanation for), I suggest reading Peter’s description of becoming free, with especial attention to the tool-tip notes

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Thanks to Edzd and Henry for your answers. So from what I gather, the abdication of the guardian was perceivable to Richard because the factual behavioral patterns that it was made of had wound down to stillness.

In his state, Richard seems to only be capable of perceiving facts. This led to the insight that the actually free person perceives only what feeling-beings would call effects, as the arbitrary designation of ‘cause’ ceases to occur cognitively and affectively. One is constantly seeing effect after effect after effect and acting accordingly.

It’s fascinating to contemplate that I might be on the brink of freedom, if not already there. I’ve been experiencing life in this state for two weeks now without pause. It seems like 99.99% perfect is an understatement to describe the ease, peace, perfection and magic being experienced.

All of a sudden (it was a sudden shift two weeks ago 17th March) things I used to hate give me so much pleasure I can’t contain my laughter while doing them. When things go ‘wrong’ I just can’t wait until my mind on autopilot comes up with some ingenious solution. It is soooooooo much fun.

There is no guilt, no shame. I am literally trying to conjure those feelings up as a test but … zilch… I try to “disgust” myself but even my coworkers shit is fun to smell. No repulsion by any smells, tastes, sounds, textures, sights or personalities/behaviours.

Guys. This:

“Richard: “The more you feel good the more feeling good happens; the more feeling good happens the better you feel; the better you feel the more feeling better gets … and so on and so on … gradually increasing ever-incrementally until one day you can get to the stage the identity in residence all those years ago got to where ‘he’ would say how ‘he’ had to invent a new word (‘bester’) because how on earth could best keep on getting better.”


I want to say I’m bursting but there’s no boundaries for any pressure to build up!

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This sounds interesting, milito. Can you come up with any rebuttals to the hypothesis that you’re free already?

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I’ll get back to you soon after work and stuff :blush:

Well the purity, innocence and lack of vibes has been constant for pretty much two weeks. On the 16th of March I had a to and fro, let’s say ‘discussion’, with my wife about how we might as well be speaking two different languages and that it was hard for me to communicate to her what is going on with me (I was feeling excellent for about a week by then). It got ‘heated’ but the ‘heat’ was all on her side. I could tell because of her interjections and overall demeanour. I felt nothing and calmly and happily repeated myself over and over again (in different ways) as was needed.

After that conversation, I felt a great ‘slowing down’. There was no feeling of the seconds rushing by and boom sounds, sights, colours, tastes, smells were x1000 more vivid. Everything was hanging where it was. This has been my constant experience since the 16th.

Work, family and leisure time was amazing. I was enjoying everything!! There were a couple of moments here and there of almost crying tears of joy. Enjoyment and appreciation, appreciation and enjoyment was all there was. It has been building and building and building and I’m left wondering ‘how much better is this gonna get man!???’. But there has been no fear of losing control as my months long almost constant PCE/excellence experience back in 2016. Now it’s like, BRING IT ON!

There have been no vibes also. Either ‘me’ emitting them, or them being felt. However!!! On the 25th, while I was watching my daughter during her after school gymnastics class there was a tattooed lady with a stern look on her face that I sat next to. She was talking in Spanish on the phone and I was wondering what her accent was at it wasn’t clear, a mish mash of this and that. Then I felt for the first time since the 16th March a MASSIVE rush of vibes. There was the thought, “I want to ask her where she is from” out of sheer naive curiousity, but this really old demon of mine, approach anxiety (or general anxiety) came rushing full force!! It was insane! Almost too much to put into words. I just sat there as my throat literally started pulsating. Then there was the thought, “really? this again? You’ve been here countless times. No. It’s time to go” (something along those lines) and then a psychic BOOM!! In an instant, the throat and chest pulsating stopped and it was as though the sun was shining on me (even though I was indoors). A magical stillness ensued and the cosiest warmth you can imagine came over me.

Since then I literally perceive no distance between myself and other people, places and things. I am enjoying everything so much. Since Monday I am still yet to feel any vibes AND the rate of the increase in enjoyment and appreciation is increasing exponentially.

How much better is this going to get?


Wow @milito.paz that sounds incredible! I have re-read your posts a few times and I keep thinking, what am I waiting for. Although my experience is nothing like what you have described I find lately there is less and less that can possibly get in the way. I was playing some games yesterday and there was this perfection that was constantly ‘knocking on the door’, a whole world where only enjoyment and appreciation exists, it was just past this thin sliver of reality left, it seems like you have answered that call.


Use the same sense you use to sense pure intent, and direct that towards ‘connecting with’ or ‘making a connection to’ or ‘becoming existentially aware of’ an actually free person.

See what happens :grin:

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Pure intent is actually existing. Consciousness actually exists (it is the brain generating consciousness). So “why not” couldn’t it be that one can existentially become aware of another’s consciousness?

I think when Vineeto and Richard sense someone approaching the actual world, it’s something along these lines ^, something tangible, not just picking up on body language or what-not.

Pure intent is actually existing!


Hmm it sounds like something Vineeto reported after she became newly free. It was something along the lines of she thought she was experiencing an emotion and that she wasn’t really newly free and it was all over, etc. Richard asked her to ‘locate’ the emotion – and she couldn’t do it, and it ‘fell apart’ after that. I gathered that it wasn’t an emotion, the psychic core / affective element was not there, it merely appeared to be so at first.

Someone correct me if I’m wrong or if they have a quote link …


Can you locate yourself as a ‘center’?

That sounds great man. Go for it! The thinner ‘you’ get the more the already always existing perfect purity becomes apparent. It becomes irresistible and ever more thrilling. Then before you know it puff you’re gone.



I hope this makes sense: when I would have PCEs previously, it was as if the perception point that I was was so clogged for so long that all the purity and perfection that surrounded would come flooding into it. This meant that I was able to locate myself as centre i.e. being a particular perception point (my sensory apparatus). I think this is also why PCEs can so easily devolve into ASCs because of the very ill informed and not yet well seasoned ‘I’ in abeyance pouncing on the opportunity, “oh wow I am the centre of the universe!” But when you start seeing it for what it is, and the more it happens (you get used to it after various ‘test drives’), the less you can locate yourself as a centre.

For example this glorious morning, I got straight out of bed to go for a stroll. As I opened the door the street, the sky, the houses in front of me were so extremely vivid and apparent. All those things were where I was, which was here. In the absence of any feeling of separation, I cannot locate myself as centre. You can get a tape measure and measure the distance for practical purposes but I don’t feel that distance affectively. It is so cool. And I hope that makes sense (I am as far from scholarly as you can get so yeah…)


I agree with you about pure intent being actually existing and forgive me if I’m not following you but this started with my curiousity surrounding the event where one second Richard could sense Vineeto existentially then the next he couldn’t. That is why the question was posed, what is it he was sensing one instant, then no longer able to sense the next?

Could it be that the abdication of the guardian was the elimination of the last vestiges of any perceivable ‘presence’ in Vineeto? If so, then the question arises: Richard cannot feel vibes. So what is the non-affective content of presence? I dunno I thought it might be the sum total of all the social mores and psittacisms


Sounds great, and it sounds like congratulations are in order! There’s only one thing that makes me wonder if this is the final death of ‘you’ rather than a long-lasting PCE. Was there a moment when you consciously, voluntarily decided to ‘die’ for this? Or did it simply happen as the culmination of everything you have been doing up to now?

Even if there was no conscious, voluntary ‘death’, I’m in no way suggesting that this isn’t final, it’s just that we don’t have many precedents to go by, and my understanding was that it required a voluntary ‘death’ that feels as real as ‘my’ existence has always felt. Perhaps I’m mistaken and that assumption has already been superseded, or it has been now :smiley:


Right I was thinking the same thing, who’s to say that at certain point identities will not begin popping off into oblivion without the conscious voluntary ‘death’. Or maybe ‘I’ am looking for ways to cheat self immolation :joy:

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Paul Paul Paul my man! I have been reading your posts and I have to say you have a knack for saying the right things (at the right time too!).


The answer is yes. It was the moment of sheer thrill with the scary tattooed latina lady (gosh she deserves a hug and a half :rofl:) I’ve asked myself this question many times these days, it is exciting to see you pose it and give me the opportunity to answer, and yes it was that moment. Right after the thought ‘alright, it’s time to go’ there was laughter followed by stillness, purity and warmth. That was Monday it is now Thursday and perfection, perfection, perfection. Will keep you guys posted.

“Be kind to yourself – one needs all the help one can get and who is the best person to help you if not you yourself? Who else is going to do it? Only you can live your life, nobody else can do the living of it for you. It is really good to become friendly with yourself, to get to know yourself, to enjoy yourself … and for goodness sake, stop berating yourself!”


Man, this is great news!!! So it’s both a culmination of everything you’ve done up to now, all the things you’ve learned and left behind up to now, and it’s also a decisive, final moment, BUT that moment can come any time, out of the blue, triggered by an everyday event. It doesn’t have to be a dramatically staged deathbed scene. Haha, you’ve spared me some dramas :laughing:

Congratulations, this is fantastic news!! The only remaining question that still troubles me is… where was she from?? :thinking: