Claudiu's Journal

A good example is in one of the convos, I made a point, the other person said “But that’s not right, I’ve already told you two times in this convo that X/Y/Z…”

Really they misconstrued what I said, I meant something else.

Normally this would put me on the defensive, I would feel put-upon, upset that they don’t understand, etc.

But what happened is I didn’t feel that way whatsoever. Instead I clearly saw where the miscommunication was, in fact the way I said it it was possible to construe it the way they did and I see why. So I just regathered my thoughts and said it in a different way, where they then accepted what I said. I even took some time with some hmms and ahhs to do it, where normally me doing that would also upset me like I’m put ‘on the defensive’. But this just didn’t happen.

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Anyone else notice the more life experience you have, the more you understand things differently, and the more you realize things have actually always been that way?

Actualism puts this on steriods :grin:


When signing-off my email to Srinath (see: Srinath Stepping Down), I was going to write something like “Hope to join you soon in the actual world”, yet then I saw that this wouldn’t be accurate.

Instead it was: “Planning on joining you soon in the actual world” :grin:

The “hope to” would indicate a not really gonna do it but sort of putting it off into the future. The “planning to” seemed more apt although now it, too, seems like a bit of the not actually doing it. “Joining you now in the actual world” seems not exactly right though since as I understand that part takes just a second.

“Doing now the process that will lead to joining you in the actual world” may be the most apt :grin:

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I expect to join you and Srinath in the actual world.

What most stands out to me from seeing @milito.paz ’s report is —

Anything I can possibly accomplish in life will always only ever be second-best compared with becoming actually free!!!


Also it seems actually very easy to smoothly allow transition from thick of ‘me’ to essentially apperception (or so close is hard to tell). Seems not a fantasy nor megalomania that this purity can be apparent for all. Rather just an obvious progression…


That’s the amazing thing, isn’t it? It’s never any actual distance (or time) away, even though the “thick of ‘me’” often makes it feel that way.

That really hit me in a PCE about six weeks ago. It was only a short one, but a potent reminder there’s literally nothing standing in the way of existential clarity and perfection, it’s actually here all the time. Nothing but ‘me’ standing in the way. But ‘I’ am not made of anything tangible either.


When I think about that, it means that “the thick of ‘me’” also includes real-world space and time which seems to put actuality at a distance. That’s all ‘me’ too, because when ‘I’ disappear, it disappears, or the whole lot disappears at once. Everything stands (or hangs there!) in its place, in actual imtimacy.

I like the way @milito.paz described it.

I felt a great ‘slowing down’. There was no feeling of the seconds rushing by and boom sounds, sights, colours, tastes, smells were x1000 more vivid. Everything was hanging where it was. This has been my constant experience since the 16th.


Reminder !

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Well I don’t wanna jinx it but possibly am out from control now!

It came from feeling not good, then realizing I want to feel better, feeling like something stopping me from doing it… hard to describe now but it came down to seeing that I actually do want to “save the world”, and me getting out of the way IS ME ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING to do that!

It’s not giving up or abdicating “responsibility” or anything. It is actually doing it!

So let’s see how it goes! Mostly I find myself way enjoying little things more like putting my pants away, and making much more sensible decisions, like time to go bed now instead of doomscroll on Twitter haha.


Sounds amazing! I more than love putting my pants away :smiling_face_with_tear::smiling_face_with_tear::smiling_face_with_tear:

Haha, that’s one giant leap for humankind. But let’s be bold and raise the bar even higher.

Is it possible to enjoy putting someone else’s away when they could have done it themselves? :thinking: Even when you did the same thing yesterday, and the day before? :thinking:

By Jove, maybe it is!

Well doesn’t seem to have been a big shift, a momentary excellence experience perhaps

But I’m finding this deep-down dissatisfaction with the way ‘I’ am, for not having succeeded yet… now I am seeing the key is not to turn away from that, but to confront it, and, do something about it!


All I have to do is give myself permission for life to live itself, like it does in the EEs I experience!

That’s actually it! I can see this clearly. Now to actualize this …


Falling asleep last night I was starting to feel some common anxiety and stress, and it just struck me as completely unnecessary and silly. I saw how the actual and direct and literal cure for that is – excellence! And by this I meant that which is experienced in an excellence experience.

It’s not that I have to do things or set my life up such that it is excellent. The EE is itself the cure, full stop, nothing else needed. And as such it really ultimately is something to “do” just like lifting my arm up – go towards excellence instead!

So all I have to do is allow that to happen. I contemplated what this would mean, the ending of ‘me’, as I fell asleep…

I found myself in a dream where the world had ended. There was an apocalyptic event, most of humanity had been wiped out. I gathered it was from deployment of nuclear weapons. I was living among a small group of people, and we all actually got along well and were living our lives. And we were just living.

During the dream I realized that if we wanted humanity to survive, we had to make a concerted effort, to rebuild infrastructure, regain capabilities (like eg smelting iron, I had no idea how to do it). So I went around to the other people and basically said as much: “If we want humanity to survive, we have to make a concerted effort…”, nods and smiles. Then I got emotional and said “I like humanity, and I want humanity to survive”. Everyone agreed and was on board, to have a society where still everyone has autonomy and does basically what they want, but we move towards a common goal of restoring humanity.

Having woken up, the significance is clear… by self-immolating I will be doing the best I can for humanity. Do not have to wait for a nuclear war to do it!


Beautiful. A psychic apocalypse, not an actual one!

Lol [1:1] you cracy [1:2]

  1. This has a nested tooltip [2] maybe? ↩︎ ↩︎ ↩︎

  2. Plain TT ↩︎

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Something in particular struck me really nicely about reading this tooltip. This is, in actuality, what one literally is – actually & literally the milk and lettuce etc., eaten, the water drunk and the sunlight absorbed! How truly wonderful!

(From Richard replies to Rick's "Burnt Toast" Posts - #2 by claudiu)

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Woww reading this, it struck me now, finally understood experientially what it means to dedicate oneself to that “priceless pursuit of innocence itself”

What could possibly be better than that??

And anyone can do it, at any time!! Dedicate oneself like this!! The nature of the benevolent universe is such as to be openly welcoming and embracing to any configuration of perfect matter-and-energy which has a sufficiently developed consciousness as to be able to and want to do it!