Leila's journal

[leila]

@hunterad

“I” was trying to see the silliness of something other than “me”. Like I am trying to very subtly change the target away from what “I” am doing/being,

Vineeto : Now, that you discovered (one of) your cunning ways, which derail your enjoyment and appreciation of this moment of being alive,

and before you further generalize what you “always” do “to subtly get out of the spotlight” –

the immediate question is what are you going to do in the present situation?
What is the possible actualisation of this realisation?
Has this realisation enabled you to get back to feeling good and drop the prolonged action of worrying?

@hunterad

It has enabled me too yes. I noticed today during my lunch break at work that my mind was very clear and enjoying my surroundings while going for a walk came effortlessly, where recently I’d been repeatedly returning to worrying about various problems and challenges.

In this case the key was that since I am looking at how I am ‘being’ instead of targeting ‘feelings’ as something outside of “me” the potential reward was much higher. Basically the ‘upside’ of not worrying was much higher because it was a holistic genuine feeling good that was on the table. The ‘this is my only moment’ was higher stakes since there was something more valuable I was aiming at.

I think that the non-genuine feeling good I was targeting previously was also harder to reconcile with doing my job well, where as the genuine feeling good didn’t seem in conflict, which is something I am going to keep looking at going forward.

@Vineeto

That is good to hear. When weighing up the “potential reward” of “not worrying” versus the downside of worrying this assessment only ‘tipped the scale’ after you discovered the faux ‘feeling good’, manufactured by the identity, which was not “something more valuable” compared to keeping up the worry. That in itself can give you the vital clue next time around.

To put it differently, the actualism method is to activate the intent outside of ‘you’, the identity, via the realisation, if not via experience, that ‘this is my only moment of being alive’, and then your cost-reward equation makes sense – nothing, but nothing, is worth wasting this precious moment of being alive.

@Vineeto

Richard: In other words, the focus is upon how the identity in toto is standing in the way of the already always existing peace-on-earth being apparent just here right now

@Vineeto

That will also give you the clue to recognizing a ‘so-so feeling good’ as being not genuine should it ever occur again. Can you see now that when genuinely feeling good even handling the challenges in your job, and in life in general, will be fun to master with the ongoing awareness/ remembrance that now is my only moment of being alive?