Leila's journal

[Vineeto]

Leila: so much emotions i caused myself by those unnecessary actions and reactions
1 too much stress and anxiety attack and fear for these translations ,
i caused myself …
paralyzing myself , doing the unnecessary actions and reactions … removing all those subscribers from the channel
… they can not come back now , they have to have a new phone number to participate
…sadness has come …
2 these translations has become part of my identity
When that women said she wants to voice them, i felt bad , as if a part of my identity i had to let go of
seeing she had already down loaded all the translations , sharing a few without asking me in her Chanell
anger and fear came and i did again another unnecessary actions out of possessiveness,
she defensively responded
then sadness and anger came
i went and write an apology to her for making her upset
realizing how much " these emotions rule the human world" and making them upset
3 i went to sleep with this sadness in my stomach , my jaw and my forehead
4 letting go of this possessiveness is now my another obstacle
5 the more i experience this actual world , the more i vitally become fascinated in , and aim toward this goal , this sensate world , seeing the contrast more and more
i have tears in my eyes now , being able to see this obstacle , seeing this part of myself by that women and Veenito , seeing this barrier between me and the actual world (Leila's journal - #267)[/quote]

Hi Leila,
Stop, stand still. Let the dust settle.
When you find yourself in a whirlpool of strong emotions like you describe above, first do whatever it takes to get back to feeling good.
Don’t try to solve anything whilst your thoughts are all emotionally charged.
Once you are back to feeling good you can begin to see the silliness of having this only moment of being alive – now – spoilt by feeling bad, whatever it is. Viz :

[Respondent]: How does the mere seeing how silly it is make us happy once again?
[Richard]: Because nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth getting malicious or miserable about (let alone compensatingly loving and compassionate) when the realisation that this moment is the only one there ever is becomes the actuality it already always is.
(2nd mouse-hover tooltip after “the silliness” in “This Moment Of Being Alive")

Now you may better comprehend what I am going to say –

1. Can you recognize that if you try to ‘fix’ your dilemma whilst being emotional, you will only follow the usual route of appeasing emotional demands of others rather than allow yourself to sincerely contemplate what the facts of the matter are before you take any further hasty actions?
2. Can you see that following Srinath’s encouragement – when he had no way to assess the accuracy of your ‘good work’ – has landed you in this quandary because it was an encouragement for you to follow your own feelings of compassion, wanting to save millions of non-English-speaking people (“millions of people in Iran does not know any English”) (link)?
   Were you aware that his advice on other occasions has been laid bare as “sandpit actualism” (The Formation and Persistence of Social Identity) and has caused tensions as to using the actualism method on the forum (link)?
3. Can you see that the (emotional) interpretation of the “possessiveness” of ‘your’ translations is in fact based on using Richard’s words, which you can by no means be sure to have translated accurately and perfectly, as it needs pure intent fully operating whilst doing so? If pure intent had been fully operating there would be no possessiveness because then you would know that it is not of ‘your’ doing. (See info-icon at (mainly in ceramics) (Richard's Personal Web Page).
   As such it is ‘you’, the identity, who has taken possession of the purity of the universe experiencing itself as a flesh-and-blood body, (which does not belong to ‘you’), naturally to your own emotional detriment.
   Once you understand this fully – experientially, not just intellectually – the solutions to your dilemma, if there is any remaining, will become clear.
   Kuba’s suggestion from two days ago is worth gold –

@Kub933

Perhaps you can make a deal with yourself, that instead of trying to ‘spread the word’ of actualism just yet, you see this for the pitfall that it is and then instead do all that you can to become actually free of the human condition yourself. Then perhaps you can be of actual assistance to farsi speaking individuals, without inadvertently pulling them into further illusion and delusion instead.

Cheers Vineeto