Leila's journal

i have not read this part of Richard 's new writing,
because whenever i had clicked on it , it would not show .
but today it opened , and i was amazed by reading it :

Richard (21st of January, 2016):
Bullying in childhood is all-too-common—the identity inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago fell victim to the bully-boys and feisty-femmes due in no small degree to being a particularly sensitive feeling-being—incurring all manner of childhood hurts. Yet, even so, anyone who carries those hurt feelings, no matter how deeply felt, over into adulthood (and stubbornly nurses them in their adult bosom) is surely yet to have earned the title ‘mature adult’.

Speaking personally, the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago instantaneously rid ‘himself’ of the bulk of those school-age hurts and slights—whilst sitting out in the sunshine one fine morning, putting pencil to paper in order to finally record those dastardly events for posterity, as per a long-held and cherished ambition to do so at length—via seeing-in-a-flash that, as it was simply not possible to ever physically be a child again (and thus juvenilely susceptible to not only those bully-boys and feisty-femmes but any enabling teachers and principals as well), there was absolutely no need whatsoever to continue nursing them as a carryover grudge. It soon became increasingly apparent, thereafter, how those childhood hurts had been vital to the maintenance of the righteous indignation which fuelled ‘his’ plaints of injustice (a.k.a. ‘unfairness’) and, thus, ‘his’ mission to bring justice (a.k.a. ‘fairness’) to the world.

Also, with the dissolution of those childhood hurts the (deeply felt) need for any aggressive tit-for-tat modus vivendi also vanishes—leaving one free to treat all others as fellow human beings rather than as adversaries to gain dominion over.

:hibiscus:
Thus the identity in situ at the beginning of 1981 went right to the heart of the matter from the get-go. The crux of the issue is that, as each and every identity is a feeling-being at root (i.e., ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’), all identities are hereditarily programmed by blind nature to emotionally-passionally react, instantaneously, to affectively-felt and/or psychically-intuited threats to their existence because, at their very core, it is ‘being’ itself at dire risk (i.e., ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being is ‘being’ itself).

(It is a genetic hangover from long-ago ancestral eras already many millions of years old when sapience emerged around hundred millennia ago—as a boy, a youth, a young man, hunting game in the wild plus interacting daily with domesticated animals, revealed to me how they relied as much, if not more, on what was known generically as a ‘sixth sense’ as upon an acute sense of smell, alert hearing and keen eyesight in order to evade predation—which has become a liability, for modern-day humankind, rather than the asset it once was).

Now, because the pure consciousness experience (PCE)—where ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being is in abeyance (unlike an altered state of consciousness (ASC) where ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being reigns supreme as ‘Being’ itself) for the duration—experientially demonstrates how each and every identity has no existence whatsoever in actuality then any such offensiveness (previously experienced as affective and/or psychic threats to ‘my’ existence and/or to ‘my’ very ‘being’) loses its existential sting and/or no longer has its dire effect.

Indeed, all the rudeness, all the insults, all the slights, and etcetera, soon become rather exquisite aids in ferreting-out any aspects of ‘me’ which have eluded exposure through hands-on inspection up till then (hence my parenthetical remark about the metaphorical ‘wringing it out’ ploy not being necessary, in practice, and my further above observation regarding the absorbability of offensive language and/or offensive gestures being nigh-on infinite in regards quantity).
*
Incidentally, the reason why the nursery-doggerel ‘sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me’ was largely ineffectual in childhood is because truisms such as that do not take into account the affective vibes and psychic currents—transmitted instantaneously via the psychic web connecting all feeling-beings regardless of spatial extension—which are part-and-parcel of the very act of giving offence and/or being offensive and the vital element in the entire giving offence and/or taking offence phenomenon which bedevils life in the ‘real world’.

As I have oft-times said, it is the psychic web where the real power-play takes place. Howsoever, once the practice of not taking offence becomes habituated even the most virulent affective and/or psychic power-play—being thereby recognised for what it is—can thus be weathered with relative ease.

Ha! … being alive is such a fascinating adventure.
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
(left-clicking the yellow rectangles with the capital ‘U’ opens each in a new web page).

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Could you send me a link to this one? For some reason I can’t find it.

Great find, I had not read it either.

I wrote this yesterday:
On my walks today (my dedication and commitment to enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive) I went from good to great, then all of a sudden my pleasure skyrocketed…like I was eating all the air , buildings, sky and everything around! It took about 10 minutes, while I muttered that the sky has no ceiling!
I was amazed and then snapped out of it! My mouth was wide open!

The night before, a grudge was bothering me when I saw that I was still clinging to it out of pride!
I found myself carrying it like a piece of luggage. But to marvel and to be amazed at the wonder of everything, for naivete to show the simplicity of its face, and to connect with this purity, I have to put down so much of this unnecessary baggage. not carry this grudge with me on this wide and wonderous path !

some notes :

resentments are either long lasting resentment , or momentarily .
but they are usually interconnected.

when i get sick :
long lasting resentment ( beliefs ) about poor health and bad luck for example , but it could be many other things
example for myself : my mom did not feed me good food ,
my dad was stingy
now i know these long standing resentments as " my chains" , which are the cause for me being in a bad mood when i am sick now .

but , seeing these long lasting beliefs which are my chains helps me to allow feeling the ease and calm in the body , and staying in a good mood rather than getting emotional about being sick .

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notes :
self triggers happens because of resentment :
1 not having what i want ( things )
2 or things not being the way i want ( situations)

example : i want that food , i don’t have that food (ex: kabab )
i want respect , i don’t have respect

any desire or values ( good feelings = likes ) are two things .
they are either :
1 things for this body , ( good food , good weather )
2 or things for this psyche , ( getting respect )

and here " things "means conditional feeling good , which i need to see them, so i can progress even more .
they are both imagined by my identity .

examples for things for the body :
i think if i have “kabab” i feel good .and not having it i feel bad .
or if the neighbor respects me i feel good …if not i feel bad .
so by acknowledging this , i don’t have to allow those to become self trigger …
so i can ask myself , a conditional feeling good , either for the body ( you don’t like when the weather is hot or cold ) , or for the psyche ( you don’t like when the neighbor does not greet you

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resentment and expectation
in my walks for the dedication for enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive , i was angry at sister , she complains why i am not asking her how she is , and why i am not talking about what she has done all day long for my mom and dad , and why nobody thanks her … she goes out buying groceries or food , or taking my mom and dad for a visit to a doctor office .
her expectations are so annoying .
and i have been annoyed at her so many times .
i don’t know what to do with this emotion that i am feeling regarding her expectations .
she sometimes write something disturbing .

i am avoiding her due to so many reasons , she has been a rough sister , and abusing me so many times , and now i am ignoring her , so she gets that vibe .

in conclusion
it is a long lasting resentment resurfaced by an immediate resentment …
you don’t like somebody , and you have been avoiding them , now something small comes up , all the emotional memory come to surface .

the main theme here is expectation and resentment .

for us feeling being it is not enough that we have money we can buy stuff , we breath , we are alive and etc.
we are resentment and because of that we have expectations …these two are like a hamster wheel , they circle around each other .

now this is " me " expecting " from her , not to write something to disturb me .
so we both are doing the same thing . there was resentment , now expectation.

it is like i want good things to come out of the sorrow and malice’s box , which is" me" at the core of my being .

the psyche discontent with life in general which is the core of " me ", leads to resentment ( which is anger ,annoyance , offence ,etc.)
the opposite of discontent is feeling good ( feeling of ease and calm in the body) .
and putting this energy for EATMOBA , can lead to amazement of the wonder , which then the experience of purity can happen…

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This is a good question, because the Actual Freedom Trust website is the gold-standard for understanding the method, and what Actualism is about. And being that it was written by people that speak English, the only way to know exactly what Richard, Vineeto, and Peter means is to understand English. (In my oppinion). The obvious risk in translation is the potential for things to be watered down or inaccurately translated.

The method itself seems simple enough and I have no doubt that it could be adequately described in any language. But I also think reading the content, as opposed to listening to it, is an activity that is more participatory and sensual. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with listening to it, or watching the dvds, but I personally got more from reading the website.

SO! Tough question. There’s really nothing stopping this person from translating the website themself and making audio recordings. Or taking your google doc and doing it. The options I see are:

  1. Reach out to the operators of the Actual Freedom Trust and ask for permission
    and
  2. Properly credit and link back to the website with a caveat that the website is the gold standard. Maybe note the risk of mistranslation and encourage people to dig into the English version for clarity. Perhaps the operators of the Actual Freedom Trust could offer some advice here, if they be willing.

OR

  1. Do it without asking for permission.

If I were to give you any advice, it seems like you want to be considerate about the situation so perhaps it would be worth reaching out to the Actual Freedom Trust and seeing what they think. Spreading peace on earth is great, but if I recall there was some resistance to translating the site. There might be good reason for it and if you dig in you’ll better know what to do.

Edit: Here is the page on Actual Freedom regarding translation. One of Richard’s points is this:

P.S.: It is not so much a question of what I [quote] ‘permit’ [endquote] or not – I have no intention of becoming inveigled into being an official arbiter of what may or may not be published or otherwise provided (and thus having to somehow vet all and sundry derivative materials in multiple languages) – but more matter of each and every would-be publisher/provider having the nous to realise, for themselves and by themselves, just how important, how vital, the accurate presentation of the actualism writings are.

Hence my public response (rather than private communication).

Lest there be any misunderstanding: I would, of course, be well-pleased to see websites, forums, web-logs (and books, articles and so forth) flourish all around the globe from anyone wanting ‘to spread the [accurate] word’ about both an actual and a virtual freedom from the human condition as the madness, badness and sadness which it is epitomised by has gone on far too long already.

Hi Leila,

Upon reading your recent post I took the rather unusual step of subscribing to this forum for the purpose of asking you, as one fellow human being to another fellow human being, to stop proliferating your (by your own assessment) most likely inaccurate translation into Farsi from The Actual Freedom Trust website.

To be more specific: I have only taken two key words from the Actual Freedom Trust website which are quite essential, and at the core of how an actual freedom differs from other ‘freedom’ messages, and ran them through the Google translator (for Persian, as Farsi is not on Google’s list at present) – actual and apperception – and then ran them back to English. Here are the results –
– actual was translated back to “real, true, factual, genuine, veritable, lifelike and actual”
– apperception was translated back to “imagination, concept, idea, vision” etc.

As far as I know, many languages do not make a distinction, as the English language does, between actual and real, i.e. they have no separate word for it. And as you read further articles on The Actual Freedom Trust website, you will notice, especially by the many and varied mouse-hover tool-tips, how Richard is very careful and particular about using the exact and accurate word for his entirely new discovery in human history in order to convey exactly what he wants to convey. Here Richard explains why authenticity and accuracy are so important –

RICHARD: [...] the primary reason for the absolute retention of proprietorial rights as it is vital that the imprimatur of the legally registered name ‘The Actual Freedom Trust’, on each and every page, continues to stand for an implicit guarantee of reliability in regards authenticity and accuracy in presentation. A badge, if you will. And any blot on that escutcheon, as it were, is not something which I personally, or the directors generally, take lightly as the evidence of history bears due witness to the divisiveness which different versions/ competing translations, of what somebody once said long ago, inevitably brings about. As equally important is to prevent each and any attempt to water-down what is, without a doubt, such a radical departure from anything preceding it. *The very meaning-of-life and peace-on-earth are at stake*. Both an actual and a virtual freedom from the human condition, being such priceless discoveries, deserve whatever vigilance it takes to preserve the authenticity and accuracy in presentation of what will be of interest to both practitioners and academics in the years/the centuries to come. (http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard/listdcorrespondence/listdsrid.htm#06May09) [emphasis added].
Despite both Claudiu’s warning (https://discuss.actualism.online/t/leilas-journal/524/76 ) 2 years ago regarding the accuracy of the translation *plus* the recent cautionary messages from Edzd (https://discuss.actualism.online/t/leilas-journal/524/252 ) who did the research for you, you have nevertheless decided, quoting ownership of *your* translation, whilst suspecting it might not be accurate, to allow someone else to proliferate this further by allowing to have them voiced.
Leila: "i thought about it , and i guess i will let her do it , because the more people know about it , there is more chance for a few people who are really interested to do the method , and are able and willing to do the method ."
And here is the second issue - separating the actualism method from what an actual freedom is – and it can only be misleading if not detrimental for anyone following your lead –
ANDREW: … [the actualism method itself...] which when you separate it out, has many parallels with the types of naive optimism that spawned such phrases as “if it feels good, do it”, “make love, not war”, “give peace a chance”. RICHARD: And therein lies the rub: more than a few otherwise intelligent peoples do indeed “separate it out” (from an actual freedom itself) such as to instead practice some already extant method or modification thereof – being either too stupid to realise that doing what untold millions upon millions of practitioners have already done, without even a single success, is a totally unproductive enterprise, or being so arrogant as to think they can succeed despite untold millions upon millions of practitioners, without exception, having abjectly failed thereby – despite the way, manner or means of having such an unprecedented condition come about indubitably needing to be as unprecedented as it is. Is it just a case of that apocryphal ‘definition’ of insanity (i.e., doing the same thing over and again, ad infinitum, yet expecting a different result) or is it something else entirely? A primary reason to “separate it out” (from an actual freedom itself) is, of course, the arrant failure to appreciate how ground-breaking the millions of actualism/ actual freedom words actually are […] (http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard/listdcorrespondence/listdandrew.htm#28Feb16 )
While the ramifications of what you are doing may not be clear to you – Richard has foreseen it and spelt it out very clearly in the Directors Correspondence page about translating his words, part of which has already been brought to your attention –

RICHARD: It is not so much a question of what I ‘permit’ or not – I have no intention of becoming inveigled into being an official arbiter of what may or may not be published or otherwise provided (and thus having to somehow vet all and sundry derivative materials in multiple languages) – but more matter of each and every would-be publisher/ provider having the nous to realise, for themselves and by themselves, just how important, how vital, the accurate presentation of the actualism writings are. (A Matter of Translation ) [emphasis added].

A watered-down-and-bastardised Actualism (separating the actualism method from the actualism message combined with a most likely inaccurate translation (for which you did not consult or even discuss with anyone, who has been demonstrably successful with the actualism method to the point of becoming actually free or out-from-control virtually free for instance) will do more harm than good.

Just think about all or those who try and fail because of its bastardisation and will never look at actualism as a possibility for peace and actual freedom again in their lives.

Regards Vineeto

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Thank you @Vineeto, I completely understand what you are saying.

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Hi Veenito

i never thought about " doing more harm than good " by doing these translations.
i did not write anything to her , regarding letting her voice these materials yet .

so now i will have to delete the channel , because i don’t think they would listen to me , and they can voice it without telling me .
i will have to make these translations private then , by removing the subscribers …

ok i did made the channel private just now , and removed the subscribers …to make sure she does not voice them .

i did these translations ,Richard 's article this moment of being alive , then i made a group with Ehsan and Frank , he really liked it and told me to do more . then i started doing mostly Vineeto 's writings … and then i thought these are good i made the group as a channel and made it public .
2 years a go , Srinath said i am doing a good work and i continued it .

millions of people in Iran does not know any English ,
reading AFT website in " google translate " will do much more harm than THESE Farsi translations that i spend thousands of hours for doing them .sometimes i would spend two or three days contemplating thinking about just one sentence that Richard had written .

i am editing and adding this part :

i made a mistake to write this : " i don’t know if i did a accurate or correct translations or not ."
when i wrote that i wanted to look humble , i thought maybe by writing this which was a mistake , i can avoid things like challenges about translations . because from the past i knew people dont like the translations and there was a lot of talks about it . only Srinath encouraged me to continue it .

i experienced something wonderful today
the spaciousness that i experienced and the overwhelming sweetness
that brought tears to my eyes .
i was mumbling so this is my destiny
being this body not this psyche
this was in the afternoon for 2 hours
and in the morning i was contemplating on this
: one is the experience of what is happening now
then i felt this seeing is enjoyable
this hearing is enjoyable
this smelling is enjoyable
this seeing is precious
this hearing and smelling is precious
this moment of being alive is so precious
then i remembered geoffrey in his video a questioner was asking him : is this enjoying about an object ?
geoffrey said no , it is not about enjoying the wall or sky , it is about enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive …

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Yes thank you for your post @Vineeto and it is lovely to have you post here even if just for this one particular purpose. I would never have thought to do something so simple as running the words back and forth through a translator to expose the problem.

It is clear to me now why what was in the past termed as the ‘pedantic approach’ by the AFT is actually crucial with regards to the spread of peace on earth. The history of human kind so far has been the blind leading the blind and with bloody consequences. Richard saw this clearly and it seems no-one before him could pin-point what the problem was.

@Leila Perhaps you can make a deal with yourself, that instead of trying to ‘spread the word’ of actualism just yet, you see this for the pitfall that it is and then instead do all that you can to become actually free of the human condition yourself. Then perhaps you can be of actual assistance to farsi speaking individuals, without inadvertently pulling them into further illusion and delusion instead.

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Hi Leila,

I appreciate your welcome.

Regarding your above reply I do wonder if you understand more of the bigger picture.

As I don’t speak the language only you can know how accurate your translation is, and you admitted yourself thati don’t know if i did a accurate or correct translations or not”. Now you are retracting this admission saying it was due to your wish to “look humble” […] ”because from the past i knew people dont like the translations and there was a lot of talks about it”.

Let me unravel this statement – It reads that you did not examine what people said in regards to valid or invalid arguments about the translations, but because you wanted to have it your way you therefore made a humble statement to appease those people, which includes Richard’s comments as well and followed Srinath’s encouragement because he was on ‘your’ side.

If instead you would have been confident that the translations are entirely accurate as a matter of fact, there would have been no need to appease anyone, nor have anyone’s consent either because a fact stands for itself.

I suggest, you have another good look at your translations – see if Richard, in the text I quoted, or myself, have any reason for concern that it might cause harm by distorting or watering-down an actual freedom, and then make the necessary corrections until you can stand by it 100% with all your sincerity, better even, with pure intent operating – “the spaciousness that i experienced and the overwhelming sweetness.

That is what Richard meant when he said it is “more matter of each and every would-be publisher/ provider having the nous to realise, for themselves and by themselves, just how important, how vital, the accurate presentation of the actualism writings are”.

As I am not in the position to make a judgement about your translation here are some tips how you yourself can assess them more accurately.

As an example, which may have influenced your translation of the word “apperception” – you wrote in June 2024:

Leila: Richard used " wordless " in two of his sentences .

*1 hietmoba becomes " a wordless attitude" toward life ,
*2 and apperception which is a “wordless appreciation” of being alive right now - of being alive and awake on this verdant planet.

Obviously, this is only the first part of Richard’s quote, which does not encapsulate everything that apperception means in actualism writings. Apperception only happens in a PCE or when actually free. Viz:

RICHARD: “Apperception is the clear and direct experiencing of being just here at this place in infinite space right now at this moment in eternal time – sans identity and its feeling-fed realities – and it is a wordless appreciation of being alive and awake on this verdant and azure planet. Apperception is where one is living in the already always existing peace-on-earth and is where one is blithe and carefree, even if one is doing nothing: doing something – and that includes thinking – is a bonus on top of the never-ending perfection of the infinitude which this material universe is. Apperception is where one is the universe being stunningly aware of its own infinitude.” [source].

And from the Abditorium [link] – which folder can be a great source of information for you when you translate –

RICHARD: The word ‘apperception’ literally means: consciousness being conscious of being consciousness … as distinct from the normal ‘self’-conscious way of perception (‘I’ being aware of ‘me’ being conscious). Vis.:

• ‘apperception (n.): the mind’s perception of itself […] [source]

What I do know, however, it that there is a vast difference between feeling caring and actual caring, hence my and Richard’s emphasis on aspects you might not have thought of before. First a description of actual caring –

• [Respondent № 27]: “Richard, I am currently perplexed about ‘caring’. You distinguish between ‘feeling caring’ and ‘actually caring’. I think I understand the distinction for the most part‘feeling caring’ is caring based upon emotion‘feeling’ that one cares, and ‘actually caring’ is something that happens ONLY in a PCE or when one is actually free. Now, this results in the somewhat shocking statement that the only people who actually care are those in pure consciousness”.

• [Richard]: “Aye, it can indeed be a shock to realise that, for all the protestations of being caring, no one trapped in the human condition actually cares. However, apart from galvanising one into action, it is a liberating realisation as it releases one from the bonds that tie.

There are always strings attached in affective caring” [source]

I remember well when ‘Vineeto’ first realized, how ‘she’ had never actually cared, shortly before ‘she’ became actually free –

RICHARD: “Hence it came to pass one fine evening that feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ realised, with a profound visceral impact, how ‘she’ had never actually cared – although ‘she’ certainly felt caring (in fact ‘she’ had a deeply-ingrained and ongoing feeling of caring about all the misery and mayhem) – and upon that realisation transforming itself into an actualisation (as per the intimacy-yearning process detailed in the ‘Direct Route Mail-Out № 05 email part-quoted at the top of this page) it activated “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” and there was indeed action which was not of ‘her’ doing … to wit: the ending of ‘her’ and all ‘her’ subterfuge and trickery (just to stay in keeping with the above wording purely for effect).

Thus Vineeto is emphatic that unless this “near-actual caring” term refers to “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” with a marked-action effect, such as is illustrated above, it is to no avail to utilise such terminology.

The other example provided (at the top of this page) similarly instances a marked-action effect of “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” inasmuch ‘she’ was sitting amongst a group of people, as one of many, wherein ‘her’ sole interest was that everyone present, including ‘herself’ as one of those present, enjoyed themselves and obtained the maximum benefit from their meeting due to an abeyance of the ‘doer’ and the ascendancy of the ‘beer’ (i.e., an out-from-control/ different-way-of-being virtual freedom).” [source, source]

As you can see, if you read the whole of the above correspondence, very soon this description “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” was attempted to be watered down with the term “near-actual caring”, as is more explicitly detailed in the post following the above quoted, just as words from Richard, describing the actual world had been subject to similar treatment such as apperception, (see here for some humorous reading and here, where an imposter was caught in his own web).

As a general observation over the years, feeling beings (and that includes feeling being ‘Vineeto’, do not like to be excluded from experiences that can only happen outside of the human condition, and they are on occasion prone to claim the experience whilst still holding on tightly to their precious.

Just talking out of past experiences :blush:

Cheers Vineeto

PS: When you translated “Vineeto’s writings”, did you include the

“Please note that Vineeto’s correspondence below was written by the feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ while ‘she’ lived in a pragmatic (methodological), still-in-control/same-way-of-being Virtual Freedom”

at the very top of each page so that people are not mislead? Or did you only translate ‘actualvineeto’s’ writings?

Are you giving references to the English originals so that people can find out for themselves where it comes from, when it was written, and what the broader context is?

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Thank you Kuba for your warm welcome.
I am particularly chuffed that you recognize that the AFT ‘pedantic approach’ was born of actual care.
I also congratulate you for standing on the threshold of an out-from-control different way of being - unless you have already crossed the line.
Cheers Vineeto

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Hi Veenito
Yes i included that this has been written by feeling being Peter and feeling being Vineeto , from the start of the translations of the entire peter’s journal and Vineeto’s journal .

and i did add all of the links that Srinath had provided in the simple actualism .
from Peter’s library to Richard’s articles and etc.

i know the difference between apperception and appreciation …
apperception is the direct experience of actual world

i have carefully translated each word .
thank you Vineeto

Thank you Leila,
This is good to hear and I appreciate your prompt reply.
Cheers Vineeto

Leila: so much emotions i caused myself by those unnecessary actions and reactions
1 too much stress and anxiety attack and fear for these translations ,
i caused myself …
paralyzing myself , doing the unnecessary actions and reactions … removing all those subscribers from the channel
… they can not come back now , they have to have a new phone number to participate
…sadness has come …
2 these translations has become part of my identity
When that women said she wants to voice them, i felt bad , as if a part of my identity i had to let go of
seeing she had already down loaded all the translations , sharing a few without asking me in her Chanell
anger and fear came and i did again another unnecessary actions out of possessiveness,
she defensively responded
then sadness and anger came
i went and write an apology to her for making her upset
realizing how much " these emotions rule the human world" and making them upset
3 i went to sleep with this sadness in my stomach , my jaw and my forehead
4 letting go of this possessiveness is now my another obstacle
5 the more i experience this actual world , the more i vitally become fascinated in , and aim toward this goal , this sensate world , seeing the contrast more and more
i have tears in my eyes now , being able to see this obstacle , seeing this part of myself by that women and Veenito , seeing this barrier between me and the actual world (Leila's journal - #267 by leila)[/quote]

Hi Leila,
Stop, stand still. Let the dust settle.
When you find yourself in a whirlpool of strong emotions like you describe above, first do whatever it takes to get back to feeling good.
Don’t try to solve anything whilst your thoughts are all emotionally charged.
Once you are back to feeling good you can begin to see the silliness of having this only moment of being alive – now – spoilt by feeling bad, whatever it is. Viz :

[Respondent]: How does the mere seeing how silly it is make us happy once again?
[Richard]: Because nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth getting malicious or miserable about (let alone compensatingly loving and compassionate) when the realisation that this moment is the only one there ever is becomes the actuality it already always is.
(2nd mouse-hover tooltip after “the silliness” in “This Moment Of Being Alive")


Now you may better comprehend what I am going to say –

  1. Can you recognize that if you try to ‘fix’ your dilemma whilst being emotional, you will only follow the usual route of appeasing emotional demands of others rather than allow yourself to sincerely contemplate what the facts of the matter are before you take any further hasty actions?
  2. Can you see that following Srinath’s encouragement – when he had no way to assess the accuracy of your ‘good work’ – has landed you in this quandary because it was an encouragement for you to follow your own feelings of compassion, wanting to save millions of non-English-speaking people (“millions of people in Iran does not know any English”) (link)?
    Were you aware that his advice on other occasions has been laid bare as “sandpit actualism” (The Formation and Persistence of Social Identity) and has caused tensions as to using the actualism method on the forum (link)?
  3. Can you see that the (emotional) interpretation of the “possessiveness” of ‘your’ translations is in fact based on using Richard’s words, which you can by no means be sure to have translated accurately and perfectly, as it needs pure intent fully operating whilst doing so? If pure intent had been fully operating there would be no possessiveness because then you would know that it is not of ‘your’ doing. (See info-icon at (mainly in ceramics) (Richard's Personal Web Page).
    As such it is ‘you’, the identity, who has taken possession of the purity of the universe experiencing itself as a flesh-and-blood body, (which does not belong to ‘you’), naturally to your own emotional detriment.
    Once you understand this fully – experientially, not just intellectually – the solutions to your dilemma, if there is any remaining, will become clear.
    Kuba’s suggestion from two days ago is worth gold –

Cheers Vineeto

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Thank you Vineeto .

i forgot to reply to Kuba that i have stopped translating AFT website since one year ago .
appreciate your help

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And as a final comment - Can you see that your “appreciate your help” has no meaning so far as you have yet to access the links of the experiential reports from Richard I have given you?

Slow down, Leila, slow down.
When you do, you might experience that there is all the time in the universe.
Cheers Vineeto

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