http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/library/topics/instincts.htm
So I was thinking a lot about the above diagram over the weekend and how it relates to the application of the method. For me it addressed some difficulties that I have been having recently.
It is actually a really great piece for anyone who hasn’t read that page, also most of the below post will make references to the information outlined in the link.
What I notice (this is also something Peter mentions in the Actualist guide - Peter Guide on the Path to Actual Freedom) is that there is indeed 2 steps in addressing any deeply ingrained emotional structures. There is the initial elimination of the beliefs and there is the direct experience of the raw instinctual passions underneath :
Once sufficient of this dismantling of one’s social identity has been done, it is then possible to begin to experience the instinctual passions deeply without acting on them – once the ‘lid is off’ then I can have a good look around inside – neither repressing nor expressing – and begin to experience ‘me’ at the very core of my being. The only way it is possible to undergo a significant change in life is by experiencing something deeply and understanding the experience fully. I don’t know about a map at this stage – it’s more like throwing away the water wings and snorkel, strapping on a scuba tank, plunging into one’s own psyche and rummaging around the bottom, looking under all the rocks in order to see what the bottom really looks like. The spiritual practice of transcending one’s undesirable emotions means that this type of in-depth investigation is deliberately avoided and in real-world therapy any investigations are restricted by morals and ethics to a mere paddling around on the surface
and
A variety of weird experiences are possible for one’s traditional defences, ways of coping or ways of avoiding, are no longer available. It is often as though one is naked in the world and it takes nerves of steel to not raise one’s traditional defences but to stay with any feelings of vulnerability and fear. Each time one dares to fully lower one’s guard and experience the consequences as only temporary and unsustainable instinctual emotional reactions, one gains more confidence to keep going, no matter what.
The first step of eliminating the beliefs is somewhat like untangling what is otherwise a big knotted mess, this is an important step as it provides clarity.
Thus the emotional structure becomes somewhat simplified, however the powerful affective backing which sustains it is still there.
In fact untying the knots might get me to experience the passions fuelling this drama even more acutely.
What I notice I have been doing is focusing almost exclusively on this more cognitive step of untying the various knots and expecting the entire thing to be resolved. When the powerful passions were exposed I was still attempting to continue investigating further, somehow reducing them further or hoping that I can find some new piece of information that will make everything disappear.
But there was not much more to reduce, not really anything left to untie.
It was time for the 2nd step, once the knot is untied the way forward is to experience those unfettered passions directly and fully, this can be quite intense at times and it can bring up all sorts of weird emotional reactions. This is also the step where things can shift at a deep level thus leading to significant change, I know this from past experience.
So I wanted to write this for anyone else who has had experiences that more or less follow the below :
1 - I notice that there is some feeling pattern that I keep getting stuck in despite my best efforts to remain feeling good.
2 - I go into great effort of investigating this thing and there is some positive change.
3 - However this thing hangs on, no matter what angle I look at this thing from I just cannot seem to change how I feel.
So it seems to me in a case like this, it is indeed time to go deep-sea diving and fully experience what is going on underneath. The last thing I will say is that this will not be a one and done sorta thing (at least not in my experience), the passions will be experienced deeply and each time this is done one is chipping away. Eventually this will lead to significant change.
What I also realised is that this aspect of deep-sea diving, of daring to allow myself to experience and live these passions is what Srinath was alluding to in his notes whilst a feeling being - Gnomic Mutterings from the Outer Rim
When I investigate I go through all these little emotional tunnels. Once I squeeze myself into all these dark, anxious tunnels, through those 'pinch points’ and sit there for a while, the tunnels collapse. It was my reaction (my aaargh!) that made the tunnel in the first place. Of course the network of tunnels doesn’t disappear, but by collapsing a few I get closer to realising the entire network can disappear. The network is more fragile than it looks.