Kub933's Journal

[Kub933]

@Kub933

@cross.chrono

I would also add that the delusion of immortality itself is due to the dominant aspect of ‘being’ as selfism. That is, to survive at all costs. This is what ‘being’ has been charged with by Blind Nature. The once in a lifetime decision to begin the process to undo ‘me’ is altruism. Richard was only able to get out of the delusion of immortality due to having the ‘magic elixir’ by the bucket load (pure intent) and furthering that process by allowing it to take ‘him’ to ‘his’ destiny. I assume this informed him of the deception happening as well. So ‘being’ is beyond merely a passing belief (you can’t think your way out of it). It’s a complete arrogating and possession of this flesh and blood body. So the question is, are you experiencing this pure intent? What’s in the way of a complete allowing of it? To let it live your life. If not why not?

Wow thank you, you have described this so well - It is pure intent which informs ‘me’ that ‘I’ am not merely doing this for ‘myself’. Without pure intent ‘I’ can only chase ‘my’ own tail.

“What is in the way of a complete allowing of it” - this is a good question, and there is something there. When ‘I’ consider that ‘I’ could disappear so that there is only the pure intent left, there is something in ‘me’ that is opposed.

It’s weird it’s like ‘I’ don’t want to lay down ‘my’ weapons - that’s the best way I can describe the objection.

Actually to link in with the discussion on sex, it is as you wrote that “sexual desire on it’s own has a disregard about it that may be the reason why it needs to be kept in check”. Indeed those things which are ‘mine’ have like an ‘edge’ to them, in that they can never match the actual innocence of pure intent.

And it is that ‘I’ wish to retain ‘my’ edge for some reason, which in other words is that ‘I’ wish to continue to be able to ‘bite’.

This is rather ironic considering that ‘I’ stated ‘my’ deepest desire is to be innocence personified.

Even as a child I was always very sensitive to unfairness, injustice and hypocrisy, observing the world I always felt very indignant about these, there was a burning compulsion to ‘right the wrongs’. Especially hypocrisy, this one I could not accept, how people were blind to the completely contradictory values which exist in the real world, how cunning is a way of life in reality.

It seems ‘I’ still want to be a knight on a crusade rather than to allow actual innocence. That how could ‘I’ allow actual magnanimity when there is so much hypocrisy that will go unanswered (unpunished is probably what I mean).

So ‘I’ want to ‘bite’ in order to ‘right the wrongs’, and there is none of that compulsion where pure intent is. It seems unfair, unjust etc to allow that. In short it seems it is ‘my’ sense of justice which objects to the actual innocence and actual magnanimity of pure intent.

For example just now picking up a phone from a customer, the customer misunderstood something I explained about the way the refund process works and in a split second I became an enemy, which justified an immediately aggressive response from him. As soon as I explained it further we were apparently friends again, with him wishing me a good day. Now I now his well wishes at the end of that call stand for nothing, for he would be ready to turn me back to the enemy in another split second… And this is normal.