Wow thank you, you have described this so well - It is pure intent which informs ‘me’ that ‘I’ am not merely doing this for ‘myself’. Without pure intent ‘I’ can only chase ‘my’ own tail.
“What is in the way of a complete allowing of it” - this is a good question, and there is something there. When ‘I’ consider that ‘I’ could disappear so that there is only the pure intent left, there is something in ‘me’ that is opposed.
It’s weird it’s like ‘I’ don’t want to lay down ‘my’ weapons - that’s the best way I can describe the objection.
Actually to link in with the discussion on sex, it is as you wrote that “sexual desire on it’s own has a disregard about it that may be the reason why it needs to be kept in check”. Indeed those things which are ‘mine’ have like an ‘edge’ to them, in that they can never match the actual innocence of pure intent.
And it is that ‘I’ wish to retain ‘my’ edge for some reason, which in other words is that ‘I’ wish to continue to be able to ‘bite’.
This is rather ironic considering that ‘I’ stated ‘my’ deepest desire is to be innocence personified.