Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Vineeto: Do you now wonder, if it was only your social identity aspect who wants “the end of all struggle”?
Kuba: No, it is clear that it is the entirety of ‘my’ being that wants to end the struggle. I guess I was somewhat taken aback that in the final analysis ‘I’ am so insubstantial. ‘I’ will become extinct in ‘my’ entirety but since being exposed for the furphy that ‘I’ am this “entirety of ‘my’ being” doesn’t seem so substantial or serious anymore. I don’t know if I am explaining this too well – it’s that once there is that “peek behind the curtains” then it is no longer possible to see ‘myself’ in the same light anymore. It’s that once the charade is exposed for what it is then the drama looses its believability? It’s like ‘I’ know ‘I’ am a fraud, ‘I’ know ‘my’ life is a charade, so ‘I’ can’t take ‘myself’ seriously anymore.
Hi Kuba,
You did explain it quite well. When you can’t believe in “the drama”, i.e. when believing itself disappears in face of the fact exposed, then doubt is equally impossible. They are two sides of the same coin. So it’s worthwhile to check if the capacity of believing itself is fading and/or disappearing.
Vineeto: Would ‘you’ really manage inventing another “story”? (It might be pretty difficult after you have discovered the charade and you have apperceptively seen the fact that it is insubstantial, i.e. not actual).
Kuba: Hehe yes it seems this would be next to impossible at this point, the “story of ‘my’ life” is hanging on by a thread as it is, ‘I’ am not sure how ‘I’ would go about inventing a new one.
What “thread” is “the “story of ‘my’ life”” hanging on – the possibility that you will still find some substance? Sincerely, what would be the benefit of searching through the burlesque rubbish bin of your illusory history, now that it’s no longer backed up by affective substance.
Kuba: I guess Devika managed but this would require a drastic turn around, with some serious psychological/ psychic gymnastics to boot. (link)
Devika did not have the benefit of the Direct Route having been opened and several people having already demonstrated that it is an easy, seamless transition – you don’t have such mitigation.
What about pure intent – do you experience the perfection of infinitude, the overarching benignity and benevolence emanating from the purity of the stillness beckoning you – or is your focus after all this still zeroed in on ‘you’ and ‘your’ fading story? You said yesterday –
Kuba: This is also nice to read, how ‘Vineeto’ approached ‘her’ quest, because ‘I’ have had the very same approach from the very start, and still do – that there is absolutely no possibility that ‘I’ will give up. (link)
Can it be that presently ‘you’ are not ready yet to “give up” on ‘you’?
Yet here is what you said six days ago –
Kuba: It’s like that last step into the unknown is a different step than any ‘I’ have ever taken, it doesn’t follow the same rules to any other actions which ‘I’ have ever been involved in. This is what Richard meant that it is the easiest thing in the world and the hardest thing in the world. (link)
Perhaps you are trying to employ the same techniques as those which got you to this point, deliberating and doubting, weighing the evidence, searching for something you have overlooked … just to avoid taking “that last step into the unknown” – which is to agree to cheerfully and gaily, acquiesce altruistically and willingly, curiously and confidently allow ‘your’ demise to happen, knowing with superb inevitability that the resulting actual innocence will be for the benefit of all.
In other words, “that last step” is not of your doing, it is giving the permission to let it happen (by not interfering one way or the other).
Cheers Vineeto