Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for your reply :
Vineeto: This is a great way of phrasing it – ‘I’ am nothing other than “the “story of ‘my’ life””, nothing more substantial than a (highly passionate) story.
Kuba: This is great that I can see it in writing and coming from you, because this is exactly what I saw this morning, that if the “story of ‘my’ life” was to end, then ‘I’ would end along with it, it was seen as such a simple thing, an alternative that is available for the taking.
But then later on there was this thinking/ doubting that maybe “the story of ‘my’ life” was just the social identity aspect and that there was some deeper or more substantial ‘me’ as ‘being’ that had an existence separate to the story itself – This line of thinking/ believing is kind of like veering into enlightenment territory.
Hi Kuba,
This is what I responded to –
Kuba: But this morning I am solidly experiencing that ‘I’ do indeed want to cease ‘being’, not in a sense of mustering anything, rather that it is simply what ‘I’ want. It is the end of all struggle, of all suffering, of all sorrow and malice.
‘I’ realise that ‘I’ am happy to give up the “story of ‘my’ life”, that it is not worth keeping anymore. It only ever brought pain and conflict. [Emphasis added] (link)
Do you now wonder, if it was only your social identity aspect who wants “the end of all struggle”?
Social identity is different to the spiritual ego. For enlightenment/ ego-death dissociation and sublimation of negative feelings is required while ramping up the ‘good’ feelings of love and compassion.
This possibility hadn’t occurred to me, but only you can know if that was the whole story or not.
It’s useful to be scrupulously honest. Doubt, however is the other side of belief –
Richard: By “doing nothing” I mean neither believing nor disbelieving; neither having faith nor having doubt; neither trusting nor distrusting; neither hoping nor despairing. In short, one’s superb confidence and over-weening optimism precipitates ‘my’ demise … ‘I’ do not make freedom happen … ‘I’ allow the universe to “disappear” the ‘me’ that I was … and perfection has become apparent. (Richard, Private email, March 1999)
Would ‘you’ really manage inventing another “story”? (It might be pretty difficult after you have discovered the charade and you have apperceptively seen the fact that it is insubstantial, i.e. not actual).
Vineeto: And with “the “story of ‘my’ life”” seen as insubstantial the internal struggle ceases as a result of the matter-of-fact recognition, seeing the fact, and then it simply makes sense to cease ‘being’. No struggle, no fear, no resistance. Actuality prevails over narrative – it’s a simple as that.
Kuba: Again this is so great to read, because it is confirmation of what I am experiencing. And in the past I thought that to self-immolate it required something almost like a special power, and now I am seeing that the code can be cracked by anybody.
Yes, the code can be cracked and others have already succeeded. In fact, anybody can do it who is determined and intrepid enough to look “behind the curtains” and discover the whole factuality.
Vineeto: Indeed, and this imperative, this ‘self’-survival mechanism is operating for everyone – until someone, anyone, looks “behind the curtains” and finds out, for a fact, that ‘me’ is only a narrative, a fraud, an impostor. It’s a wondrous adventure to do that.
Kuba: Again no special powers required, this is great.
So far you have given such detailed and lucid descriptions of the process, how it was for you, that others can see too that no special powers are required.
Vineeto: Oh yes, ‘Vineeto’ never forgot that conversation where Richard was actually caring in telling ‘her’ from the start what was required and that it would be much bigger than the “chicken-feed” of abandoning loyalty. It nevertheless took ‘her’ another 10 years and 9 weeks to “crack that code”, like you are about to do, but one thing ‘she’ knew all the way that ‘she’ would never ‘do a Devika’, i.e. give up.
Kuba: This is also nice to read, how ‘Vineeto’ approached ‘her’ quest, because ‘I’ have had the very same approach from the very start, and still do – that there is absolutely no possibility that ‘I’ will give up. (link)
It is this pioneer attitude that will deliver the goods – and anyone who is similarly determined will succeed sooner or later. Of course, it is pure intent, the non-affective sweetness/ tenderness and/or overarching benignity and benevolence which allows you to be confident that you will arrive on Terra Actualis.
‘Vineeto’ didn’t know until her PCE and perhaps a few months into actualism that ‘she’ was so determined to go all the way. ‘She’ had been comparatively less enthusiastic in the spiritual search, so there was no way to tell beforehand. But once ‘she’ fully comprehended what was achievable – the 24hrs a day, 365 days a year living of the experience of her PCE – it was clear that this, and only this, was what ‘she’ wanted to do with ‘her’ life.
Cheers Vineeto