Claudiu: Hi Vineeto,
I see the disconnect and I can unravel it. Basically, the way forward is clear to me: it’s the way towards naïveté, being way way more naive than has been my usual way of experiencing myself the past year, to the point of being naïveté, and revelling in it, this palpable naïveté that is now such an obvious direction to go into. It’s so obvious and clear that it’s the way to go that I am not sure anyone could convince me otherwise
Hi Claudiu,
Ha, with ramping up naiveté (liking yourself and others, being likeable and liking) you can’t go wrong. With naiveté it’s so much easier to let any self-image, social status problem, concerns about previous concepts or one’s place on the map fall by the wayside because life is then experience as the best one can be, and let active pure intent do the rest.
Claudiu: So to allay your concerns, no it’s not that I’m gonna do the same thing I have been doing the past year. That will only lead to another year of the same. Rather it’s to go into this clear, far-far-more increased naïve way of being alive.
My point rather was, not that you would do that intentionally but that ‘you’ the identity, having a vested interest in surviving another day, will secretly, unnoticed, step in and pervert the cause of facticity. After all you said in your report about your visit to Geoffrey –
Claudiu: “But I remember disappearing in a PCE” and he’s like “No you don’t! You are putting yourself into the PCE and spoiling the memory. This is why you are supposed to rememorate it not remember it.” (link)
Sometimes it takes a while to digest, rememorate and then fully abandon one’s previous modus operandi, even a possible gestation period. This is only natural given the complexity and weirdness of the human condition.
For instance, ‘Vineeto’ had a severe shock and re-orientation and re-adjustment when Richard told ‘Peter’ and ‘her’ that their virtual freedom was not the dynamic different-way-of-being, ‘Vineeto’ needed a day to emotionally and mentally digest this, including the fact ‘she’ had deceived not only ‘herself’ but also a lot of others in ‘her’ writing. So I know from personal experience how self-deception operates and how one can feel upon exposure/ revelation.
At that time ‘Vineeto’ was also experiencing competition with Pamela about who would be the first female to become actually free. Richard always gently played on our competitive feelings by saying to each of us that “you could be the first”. He figured that anything which helps to overcome our inertia was beneficial. I remember the competitive feelings were particularly acute for ‘Vineeto’ when Pamela had her 5-months PCE which at first, of course, looked like ‘she’ had ‘done it’.
Claudiu: What I was getting at (but poorly it seems) is that this palpable naïveté is something that I have experienced on occasion the past year, actually somewhat frequently, and I would say I have gotten a knack at getting back to it – but no it hasn’t been a 100% or even 99% ongoing experience. However it’s not an entirely unknown and unfamiliar direction, was what I was saying, it’s more just going to that already-somewhat-familiar direction, but more, much much more, with renewed intent and vigor, and it certainly appears to go “deeper” than I’ve gone into it before.
It is not a matter of “poorly” conveying what you wanted to say but the very fact that you were trying to move forward, “with renewed intent and vigor”, before you really digested and fully assessed the major game-changing events which happened during your visit to Geoffrey.
Claudiu: Two other key pieces: the major one was we figured out that I had been trying to put myself into actuality, as in I as identity, as a feeling-being, will continue somewhat beyond self-immolation. There were many ways I had justified it, (link)
And:
Claudiu: But this has got me all looking around, now that I’m confident I am not out-from-control in the way Geoffrey was at the end … (link).
The planning for going ahead, as in “but maybe the way to do it is just to be vigilant and purposefully choose not to go down the self-centric route” (link) sounded to me originating from the ‘planner’, the ‘controller’, the reasonable, rational ‘Claudiu’ who is quickly mapping the course of action before the full impact of the experience of what was learnt during your visit made itself experientially felt and comprehensively understood in a life-changing way.
Whereas when you first feel good, feel great, feel excellent, and become more naïve, then everything – I mean every thing – is seen in a different light, including what to be next (and I don’t mean be vigilant).
It’s promising that you say “it certainly appears to go ‘deeper’”.
Claudiu: I can’t think of a better way to depict the sheer fun of this naïveté than the interaction with my partner when I just got home now. I’m walking in having a blast, and she gets an amused look and says I have a mischievous grin on my face (I didn’t realize I was grinning lol). So then I go up closer to her and hug her on the couch and say “Oh I have a secret”. And she’s like oh? What’s the secret? And I pause and say … … “I’m having a lot of fun”. And she just bursts out laughing, this hearty, full-on laugh. It certainly is contagious .
This is a lovely fun story and in that experience you have indeed “a secret”.
To once in a while have fun is easy to start with – to give full permission to always have fun needs some “awareness-cum-attentiveness” (link) in order to persistently decline the directives of the ‘doer’/ ‘controller’. Kuba said it well yesterday –
Kuba: In order for the controller to go into abeyance it is as if ‘I’ have to agree (at the very depths of ‘my’ being) that life is not a serious business, that it is not a vale of tears, it is not a dog eat dog world out there etc. ‘I’ say a big, resounding yes to being alive right now, with no resentment or resistance whatsoever and then the controller can go into abeyance. And when this happens it really is “bester”, that this is what ‘I’ can have as a feeling being. (link)
Claudiu: I ehhh wrote another 1,200 words about the various terms and terminology for all this but… I think it’s unnecessary for now lol. So I’ll just leave it here for now. (link)
Excellent.
Cheers Vineeto