Kuba: Yes ok I see what ‘I’ did, in that yesterday I was initially proceeding in this direction of - “Thus one stands still and does nothing but watch the dust settle all around”, I was looking at ‘my’ life as if slowly eroding and there was a “superb confidence and over-weening optimism”. Then you made a suggestion of something that could perhaps expose another way in which ‘I’ am standing in the way of ‘my’ self immolation -
Vineeto: I wonder (and I can be wrong) if that ‘knowing’ “that ‘I’ am nothing but an illusion” is merely a narrative providing the veil which prevents the final altruistic act of immolation for the benefit of this body and every body to become actuality.
Kuba: And instead of allowing this possibility to be considered in that same fashion ‘I’ went and pulled out all ‘my’ heavy artillery once more.
Hi Kuba,
Well, perhaps this is an indicator that the time is not ripe and you need to do some more marvelling of being here and enjoy living in gay abandon and slowly getting used to “‘me’ gladly and blessedly stepping back”.
Tough job for a life-long ‘high achiever’. 
Kuba: You have repeated this advice many times now, that “‘I’ do not make it happen, because ‘I’ cannot make it happen. What is more … ‘I’ am not required to make it happen” and that ‘my’ challenge is to “do nothing” and to simply enjoy and appreciate this last stage of the actualism process.
It is starting to click now, it was tricky because for ‘me’ to realise and actualise that ‘I’ am redundant it is like a different direction than any in which ‘I’ have travelled in the past. It is like ‘I’ have all these tools or actions of which ‘I’ am capable of and each one of them only reinforces ‘me’ as an identity, so each one is not only useless at this point but also works actively against achieving my goal.
The only worthy ‘action’ (if it could be called that) for ‘me’ at this point is to enjoy and appreciate in gay abandon. Although enjoying and appreciating in gay abandon is more a result of ‘me’ gladly and blessedly stepping back and luxuriating in the fact that ‘I’ am not required, rather than bringing in ‘my’ heavy artillery and making things sudorific.
I do appreciate and understand from experience that it takes practice to change the habit of a lifetime to actively respond as the ‘doer’ to the challenges life presents. Now is the turning point where you begin to realize that it is far more beneficial to allow life to live you and “stand still”, i.e. choose neither direction of the affective see-saw of action.
Perhaps you can appreciate this process yourself, and value the radical newness of it – at least then you don’t have to depreciate yourself, be hard on yourself, when it appears not to have a straight and immediate result.
Kuba: At times it seems I am just going round in circles, this is where I will feel insecure about simply wasting your time responding. But it is more like I am spiralling, sometimes I will go over the same territory if only to realise for sure that the answer is not to be found there. I know I am not simply going around in circles now because for example those fearful reactions around self-immolation are no more. And now that I look back over the last 10 months there are so many things like this, various themes that had to be resolved, and they are all no more.
You do not waste my time at all – it is a pleasure and a privilege to correspond with you – it’s simply the enjoyment of seeing a fellow human being gain more understanding and success in revelling in the fact of being alive and becoming more and more naïve.
Neither do you go in circles and spirals because how can you learn if you don’t dare to make mistakes. You first have to make a mistake in order to find out if it was a mistake. Actualism is experiential and experimental, there is no other way. It is also beneficial for all who read your posts with attention and fascination so they can learn from your own experiences.
Kuba: It seems at some point there was the time for all manner of searching and digging and extending ‘myself’ and now it is all about gladly and blessedly actualising the fact that ‘I’ am redundant. Whatever is found at this point is not an invitation for ‘me’ to take up the reins again, it never was actually, but now I see it clearer.
The method is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive and it seems the point is that something eventually happens to make ‘my’ exquisite affective enjoyment and appreciation segue into an actual enjoyment and appreciation for this flesh and blood body. This “something” ‘I’ do not do. (link)
Yes it is, and Richard introduced another aspect to be aware of when you are “standing still” in order to let life live you. He said –
Richard: To repeat: I stopped believing, period. All sorrow and malice stems from the activity of believing … which arises from the believer. ‘I’, as a psychological entity, can only believe – or disbelieve – in possibilities and impossibilities. (…) By believing perfection to be possible ‘I’ perpetuate ‘myself’. ‘I’, by ‘my’ very presence, inhibit that splendid perfection becoming apparent.
Perfection is already always here. Yet ‘I’, by believing in a remembered perfection, chase an ever-elusive chimera into an ever-receding future. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Private email, March 1999)
That means, whenever you become aware of any passionate impulse (via diminishment of your enjoyment and cherishing this moment of being alive), you stop believing that ‘you’ have to take the reins (which is an affective mental activity) – and then, as you describe below, things get done of their own accord. The only way to stop a habit (“to grab onto the process” for instance) is to become aware when it happens and decline.
Kuba: I can see this same feature happens with anything that the mind processes. In that some new information will be presented, perhaps some problem requiring a solution and immediately ‘I’ want to grab onto the process, ‘I’ demand an answer now and so ‘I’ end up manufacturing something as opposed to allowing this information to “swish” around the brain until a genuine answer is located.
It is the difference between pure contemplation and ‘me’ thinking about something. In pure contemplation there is thinking without the ‘thinker’ whereas normally ‘I’ arrogate responsibility over thinking and ultimately only get in the way of clarity.
I see this very much happening right now as me and Sonya are decorating our house. There is an open question presented for example what to do with this space here? ‘I’ passionately grab onto this question and not only make things complicated but also drain all the fun out of it!
But allowing thought to operate freely does not work within ‘my’ requirements, it does not happen to ‘my’ timeline or to ‘my’ preconceived notions. So there is a fear of allowing this to operate like so, it seems that nothing would happen then. And yet each time as things continue to be done I look back and realise that ‘I’ didn’t do any of it anyways. So this I what I was trying to get at here :
OK so things are getting pretty fun! Something clicked the other day with regards to control or with regards to ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, and it is that ‘I’ don’t even exist.
It is as if ‘my’ life is slowly eroding away as it is progressively realised that ‘I’ am not actually doing anything in the first place, ‘my’ life is an illusion that runs let’s say parallel to that which is actually taking place. So there are events happening, thoughts are happening, the body does this or that and ‘I’ am like a mirage that goes along with all this, believing that it is ‘me’ living ‘my’ life. (link)
Now that you pretty much worked it out how it works it’s only a matter of time to get used to the new way of being – arrogating less and less control and allowing “‘my’ life” to “slowly eroding away” or, in other words, letting the universe live you.
Good hey.
Cheers Vineeto