I can see this same feature happens with anything that the mind processes. In that some new information will be presented, perhaps some problem requiring a solution and immediately ‘I’ want to grab onto the process, ‘I’ demand an answer now and so ‘I’ end up manufacturing something as opposed to allowing this information to “swish” around the brain until a genuine answer is located.
It is the difference between pure contemplation and ‘me’ thinking about something. In pure contemplation there is thinking without the ‘thinker’ whereas normally ‘I’ arrogate responsibility over thinking and ultimately only get in the way of clarity.
I see this very much happening right now as me and Sonya are decorating our house. There is an open question presented for example what to do with this space here? ‘I’ passionately grab onto this question and not only make things complicated but also drain all the fun out of it!
But allowing thought to operate freely does not work within ‘my’ requirements, it does not happen to ‘my’ timeline or to ‘my’ preconceived notions. So there is a fear of allowing this to operate like so, it seems that nothing would happen then. And yet each time as things continue to be done I look back and realise that ‘I’ didn’t do any of it anyways.
So this i what I was trying to get at here :
OK so things are getting pretty fun! Something clicked the other day with regards to control or with regards to ‘me’ living ‘my’ life, and it is that ‘I’ don’t even exist
It is as if ‘my’ life is slowly eroding away as it is progressively realised that ‘I’ am not actually doing anything in the first place, ‘my’ life is an illusion that runs let’s say parallel to that which is actually taking place. So there are events happening, thoughts are happening, the body does this or that and ‘I’ am like a mirage that goes along with all this, believing that it is ‘me’ living ‘my’ life.