Hi,
Yes ok I see what ‘I’ did, in that yesterday I was initially proceeding in this direction of - “Thus one stands still and does nothing but watch the dust settle all around”, I was looking at ‘my’ life as if slowly eroding and there was a “superb confidence and over-weening optimism”. Then you made a suggestion of something that could perhaps expose another way in which ‘I’ am standing in the way of ‘my’ self immolation -
And instead of allowing this possibility to be considered in that same fashion ‘I’ went and pulled out all ‘my’ heavy artillery once more 
You have repeated this advice many times now, that “‘I’ do not make it happen, because ‘I’ cannot make it happen. What is more … ‘I’ am not required to make it happen” and that ‘my’ challenge is to “do nothing” and to simply enjoy and appreciate this last stage of the actualism process.
It is starting to click now, it was tricky because for ‘me’ to realise and actualise that ‘I’ am redundant it is like a different direction than any in which ‘I’ have travelled in the past. It is like ‘I’ have all these tools or actions of which ‘I’ am capable of and each one of them only reinforces ‘me’ as an identity, so each one is not only useless at this point but also works actively against achieving my goal.
The only worthy ‘action’ (if it could be called that) for ‘me’ at this point is to enjoy and appreciate in gay abandon. Although enjoying and appreciating in gay abandon is more a result of ‘me’ gladly and blessedly stepping back and luxuriating in the fact that ‘I’ am not required, rather than bringing in ‘my’ heavy artillery and making things sudorific.
At times it seems I am just going round in circles, this is where I will feel insecure about simply wasting your time responding. But it is more like I am spiralling, sometimes I will go over the same territory if only to realise for sure that the answer is not to be found there. I know I am not simply going around in circles now because for example those fearful reactions around self-immolation are no more. And now that I look back over the last 10 months there are so many things like this, various themes that had to be resolved, and they are all no more.
It seems at some point there was the time for all manner of searching and digging and extending ‘myself’ and now it is all about gladly and blessedly actualising the fact that ‘I’ am redundant. Whatever is found at this point is not an invitation for ‘me’ to take up the reins again, it never was actually but now I see it clearer.
The method is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive and it seems the point is that something eventually happens to make ‘my’ exquisite affective enjoyment and appreciation segue into an actual enjoyment and appreciation for this flesh and blood body. This “something” ‘I’ do not do.