This makes sense now why that fundamental grimy passionate energy of ‘me’ cannot be chipped away at, this is ‘me’ as ‘being’. ‘I’ gave ‘myself’ some stick for ‘being’ this at times lol but now I can see that this was exactly the point of all that ‘I’ did before, which was to whittle ‘me’ down to a point where it can be seen so clearly that ‘I’ am ‘my’ passions and ‘my’ passions are ‘me’. It didn’t click for a long time that once ‘I’ arrived at this place that the next step was to end ‘me’. Because there is simply no more improvement that can be done, this energy is ‘me’ and cannot be removed as long as ‘I’ remain.
‘I’ am an amorphous ‘presence’ which is those very swirling passions. This energy of ‘me’ is a very grimy energy though and as long as it is in place there cannot be an actual happiness and harmlessness. I realised yesterday that up until now I was still running from acknowledging this to some extent, that this grimy energy is what ‘I’ am, that ‘I’ have no way out of this at all, that it cannot be ‘fixed’.
Yesterday driving to training I allowed this energy of ‘being’ to be completely bare, to bring it to full experience - this is the very core of ‘me’ as a passionate entity. There was an automatic courage which matched ‘my’ exposure, I had Geoffreys quote repeating in my head -
“The psyche is a frightful place” indeed.
What is it that Richard admires about ‘me’? Daring, and audacity.
And I could see that there is no other way, the reason why ‘I’ have not allowed ‘my’ ending yet is not because ‘I’ have not followed some procedure in the correct manner, not because the stars have not aligned correctly for ‘me’. As I already discovered, any of the passionate energy of ‘me’ will do, again it is not about any “golden combination”.
How could the ending of a passionate entity not be a passionate business…‘I’ am looking at it right now, that full force of ‘my’ being that cannot be side-stepped. ‘I’ cannot go around ‘myself’, then ‘I’ remain. And the actual expunging of ‘me’ is the easiest thing going, this I have no doubt about, it is rather that step just before, the one that ‘I’ take with daring and audacity.
So it is interesting because I have already seen that the actual dissolution of ‘me’ is the easiest thing in the world. From that vantage point there was never anything of substance to begin with, it’s like how Srinath described it somewhere on the forum, like one of those pictures where you look first and it’s a witch and then all of a sudden you only see a rabbit, now the witch is nowhere to be found. But in order for this to happen there is this intensely passionate involvement that is required from ‘me’. So it is exactly how Richard described it to Vineeto in the Out from control DVD - “it is the easiest thing in the world and the hardest thing in the world”.
What a fascinating state of affairs, there are the actually free individuals inviting others to join where it is so safe, and it is so very safe and yet others are as if locked behind a wall of fear. This wall of fear is no joke, it is the entire force of ‘my’ being.
Traversing the wall of fear is like this pup being “thrown out of a plane” 
It is clear that ‘I’ cannot traverse this wall of fear for ‘me’, there has to be something outside of ‘me’ that is providing the motivation, that it must happen not just for me but for everybody.