Initially, those ‘superficial and profound passions’ comprised sadness and fear to the core. This is who ‘I’ am (as in, ‘I’ am sad, and ‘I’ am scared). But, I have been unable to access the ‘feeling being’ (as in ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being) beneath, nevermind naiveté.[1]
Later, it then became that ‘heavy sinking fear’ in the stomach. It relates to the ‘not having a ground to stand upon’ I mentioned before. I can dimly see ‘the other side’ from here: one where I have no control over other people whatsoever, and one where there seemingly is the freedom to let events happen without needing to control them. The sinking feeling is still here …
Side note: Am I still ignoring certain feelings? Could it be ‘desire’? I don’t experience desire, per se, in this moment - but perhaps that (as a dream or wish or longing) is indirectly keeping all this fear and sadness alive? ↩︎