Time for my daily 8 mins of electric scooter joy, and go to work.
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The thing I would say here is that the two are not mutually exclusive so again there is not need to go into dichotomies.
In actualism both sides of that coin are happening simultaneously. When a PCE happens it is glanced immediately that ‘I’ am not genuine. However when ‘I’ come back into the picture then ‘my’ reality is indeed all that ‘I’ know and all that ‘I’ am. So then this is where ‘I’ work from by applying the method. Which as you pointed out @Andrew cannot work properly if ‘I’ adopt some belief of ‘I’ am not real.
It’s actually quite fun to observe that whenever there is something that appears to be a dichotomy the answer lies in finding the third alternative.
Sweetness & purity. As ‘I’ become naive & benevolent, the benevolence of the universe is reflected back to me. At this moment I’m not so different from the actual world at all
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• [Peter]: Upon reflection and from a hindsight viewpoint of being actually free, I would say that this experience of sweetness is the closest experience that I, as a feeling being, could have of the innate sweetness of having the on-going, sensuous direct experience of the benignity, purity and perfection of the paradisaical playground-like world that flesh and blood body-only humans actually live in.
2 | 4 | 23
Sincere + naive
benevolent + benign
= being / ‘beer’
= empathic (feeling caring)
→ action-taking step (near-actual caring)
adventure
I still have quite a bit to process
Nothing for it but to keep stepping forward
Still waiting for some girl to come along
“no, not that one!”
Lol
In hindsight everything makes perfect sense
–
Why not enjoy right now?
I believe I’m a loser
That can be cracked
The main way I tell if I’m a winner or a loser is via female attention of the correct variety
Someone that I love (experienced partially via beauty) loving me
My love is inconsistent, and their love is inconsistent
As such my own sense of being a winner has been inconsistent
Because those conditions are so difficult to meet, the overarching theme of my life has been primarily ‘loser’
I can approach the topic of ‘am I a loser’ from the perspective of sincerity + naivete
Beauty is within ‘Being’
There’s so much peace here
I can’t prevent others from perceiving me as a loser and as such relying on others’ (psychic) feedback to tell what I am will always let me down
When they suggest I’m a winner I also remain within Being
‘Who I am’ is a whirlwind of emotions & memories
‘What I am’ is this here right now…
This wonderfulness…
There’s even more to come
I can see how I grab control once purity has expressed itself
I’m getting better at noticing that
The prime seduction has to do with attracting a mate…
It’s driven by the desperation, the ‘loser’
Something deeper
Loneliness
And then it’s somewhat habitual as desire
That is a part of ‘me’
Henry
–
I’ve just had a brief pee-PCE and the ‘loser’ wasn’t there because he depends on feeling bad to exist
For any of the negative identities to exist I have to feel bad
Worried, scared, hateful, jealous
Similarly, with the positive, antidotal loving identities I have to feel ‘good’
By liking myself, others, the world, and life, those identities starve to death
This is the way to peace, and to living life to the fullest possible
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Learning more about pure intent, and:
Richard: Furthermore, where I wrote to Respondent No. 25 about how ‘a tremendous surge of calorific energy travelled from the lower solar-plexus’ on the 16th of November 2009, when what became known as ‘the quickening’ first manifested, I am clearly meaning ‘calorific energy’ in the sense of what is unambiguously conveyed in that ‘the constituents out of which the energy of this flesh and blood body is made are the carrots and lettuce and milk and cheese, and whatever else is consumed, in conjunction with the air breathed and the water drunk and the sunlight absorbed’ response of mine, in that above quote, to the specific question as to what the nature of the electrical energy of this flesh-and-blood body typing these words is.
I think I need to eat more
Get them calories, it’s pure pure intent.
Although, I have about 5 kilos of excess pure intent at the moment mainly around my waist.
Time to put it to use!
Doing the method in my dreams
2 | 8 | 23
Was getting wound up thinking about a girl I’m attracted to and I allowed the feeling to bloom, to really see what it’s made of. A lot of really expressive activity, a lot of stress and worry involved.
After awhile I remembered two of my friends independently telling me about guys that they had thought they were ‘meant to be with,’ and I could immediately see that the desire was making me delusional in the same way. It’s just someone I find appealing, there is no way to know if it will pan out or not. There are lots of people in the world.
It doesn’t ultimately matter if I wind up with this or that person, but ‘I’ really want to believe that it’s super important that I do. That this time it’s different, that there’s some big reason. Sneaky!
The stress immediately cooled off and I found myself able to contemplate the situation from a peaceful place. Very nice.
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Nice! This reminded me of your technique of purposefully allowing the feeling to max out, to then see that it’s plain silly.
It seems a good way for people who are more drawn to intellectualising like myself.
Once it’s maxed out I don’t even need to sell myself intellectually on why it’s not good etc but rather it’s so plainly obvious that it’s silly.
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Yes, I was further inspired by recently coming across this, re the ‘wall of fear surrounding humanity’:
RICHARD: A deep feeling of dread, the abject intuition of impending doom, is fraught with foreboding, be it a grim, dire, or awful presage, and this intensely apprehensive trepidation is symptomatic of the existential angst (the anguish of the essential insecurity of being a contingent ‘being’) which underpins all suffering. As such an occasion of profound dread is an opportune moment to plumb the depths of ‘being’ itself (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being) … rather than avoidance through realisation of the portentous event as all manner of phantasmagoria can be manifested by such evasion. With pure intent one can enable a movement into the existential angst, rather than despairingly grasping at doomsday straws, which movement facilitates the bright light of awareness being shone into the innermost recesses of ‘my’ presence … which is ‘presence’ itself.
Such an active perspicacity in ‘my’ moment of reckoning will reveal that ‘presence’ itself feeds off ‘my’ fear – it is its very life-blood as it were – and this functional acuity brings an abrupt end to its nourishment. Whereupon all-of-a-sudden one finds oneself on the other side of the wall (to keep with the ‘cornered’ analogy for now) with the hitherto unseeable doorway to freedom closing behind one … and one is walking freely in this actual world where one has already always been living anyway.
All what happened was that upon ‘my’ exposure dissolution occurred and the Land of Lament sank without a trace.
Keeping these emotions at arms length or seeking ‘solutions’ allows them to continue operating from the shadows, whereas when you go into them - with confidence coming from pure intent (very important), the roots of fear become apparent. That’s where it’s like “oh right, this isn’t useful,” and it ends from a sincere place rather than a “I wish I didn’t feel this way, I want to feel some other way,” leaving the trigger & the feeling in place.
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Yessir 
I spent 5 hours making it instead of actually gazing out at infinitude 
But I had a great time, so all’s well 
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Enchanting.
Yeah its awesome, you know I actually had one of your other art pieces as my phone screen saver for like a year 
the ‘spirit trap’.
It only got replaced when I got poncho 
I did get loads of WTF reactions when people looked at my phone as it’s quite a morbid piece I guess. I found it such an incredible demonstration of what condition ‘I’ exist in as identity.
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2 | 16 | 22
+5mg weed edible
Social concern
Always mentally checking in with the group…
what for?
Connected to beliefs
“Am I doing the right things?”
And the group verifies or rejects
Stress
Time to go all the way, the rest of the way
“What is the right thing to do?”
It doesn’t matter
I can free humanity in myself from loneliness
What am I?
What is she?
Humanity, ‘I’ cast a perceptual shadow
–
Really wanting to talk with people right now, that’s ‘Me’
Every interesting thought that crosses my mind I want to share
‘Me’ wanting to be seen, appreciated, fame
And wanting to avoid people, that’s more ‘Me’
Afraid of them, why?
How can they hurt me?
They report back to the group
That’s somehow this entity, “the group”
Wanting to placate the group is the same as trying to placate an individual
If it’s an unreasonable individual you can only placate them by being unreasonable. And the group is definitely unreasonable
All these demands, all these morals. All these ideas - beliefs.
That’s the part where there’s a choice, stay inside of humanity or leave?
Afraid to leave because that’s the ultimate… giving up on humanity…
It’s so strange, I do it for them… but I’m afraid they won’t like it. Definite contradiction happening in there, what is it?
It’s just a misunderstanding
A fear-fuelled misunderstanding
What’s the fear about then?
Thinking something bad will happen when they “report back to the group” with their misunderstanding. That’s what all the trying to explain is about
It’s funny because I get super oblique, trying to simultaneously explain & not reveal my cards. That would be too risky
There’s an aspect of intelligence there, but it’s also deeply polluted by fear
The control happens via vibes, if I’m free I can’t be controlled
God! All this psychic warfare
All the metaphysicians and psychics and mystics battling
Everyone normal battling
Over nothing
Everyone checking into the group about what’s right & wrong
It’s so insane. Peace is happening already
No use feeling bad about that
I’m playing in that chain, ‘humanity.’ I’m just at the ‘level’ of the dream that I’m at. That I believe myself to be at.
Trying to perform
Belief that there’s a reward at the end of the performance
Money or love
Climbing the imaginary psychic ladder, and death is coming
What a fool
The self casts a shadow
Any psychic reward is a will o’ the wisp
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Time travel… Confirmed.
The ‘group’ is in our head. A figment of imagination.
In any one moment, averaged over an week and seasonally adjusted (
) there might be 0.0227 people having a passing thought about me.
Even if, like I will do, think about someone specifically for what feels like hours, the actual time think about them is really not much.
It’s not really much of a ‘group’. It just feels like it is.
There’s a psychic imprint of ‘me’ in their hearts
Does that matter? (asking myself, but also ‘you’)