Henry: Had an interesting insight into myself watching an age of empires final . One of the players (Hera) I’ve been watching a lot lately to the point of becoming a fan of his and rooting for his success. However, I’ve been watching a lot of different games, and today in the final he was playing Mr. Yo, who I have also enjoyed and cheered his success. There was a moment in their first game where Mr. Yo was doing really well, and Hera was suffering, and I found myself suffering right along with him. However, I had a glimmer of remembrance, and questioned why I was suffering: I don’t have a strong stake in Hera winning over Mr. Yo, I want them both to do well actually… it quite shattered the way I normally experience these competitions, where I have one side I exclusively cheer for, I feel good when they win, I suffer when they lose. A new way came into view, as I began to experience purity all around… the now familiar softness of pure intent, and I appreciated the gameplay in its completeness, together with my coffee at my side, my breakfast on my table, the ambience of light in my house, my cat ranging around, the effort the organizers the tournament were putting in, the dedication and talent of the players, and many more things besides… such a contrast to the narrow winning & losing mindset of the ‘fan…’ very pleased to have had this experience, it gives me a clear vision for how to approach these situations in future. And such a central pillar of my identity as a ‘competitor,’ long eroding and now looking like an apparition! (link)
Felipe: No way, lol. I never thought I’d find a fellow competitive AOE2 enthusiast around here. I’ve been following the scene for more than 6 years, and played thousands of hours for 25 years (but I still suck, haha).
The challenge with pro tournaments now is not getting too bored with Hera winning all the time. Liereyy was close to challenge him in the S tier tourney before this one tho! Maybe we can play later if you play. (link)
Hi Felipe,
In your excitement to find a play-mate you appeared to have missed the main point –
Henry: it quite shattered the way I normally experience these competitions, where I have one side I exclusively cheer for, I feel good when they win, I suffer when they lose. A new way came into view, as I began to experience purity all around… the now familiar softness of pure intent, and I appreciated the gameplay in its completeness, together with my coffee at my side, my breakfast on my table, the ambience of light in my house, my cat ranging around, the effort the organizers the tournament were putting in, the dedication and talent of the players, and many more things besides … [Emphasis added].
There is also Henry’s later addition to his competitor-shattering worldview –
Henry: Adding to this, I can see that the emotion is an element of ally-enemy dynamics: because ‘I’ have set it up that Hera winning = feeling good and Hera losing = feeling bad, for Mr. Yo to win would mean feeling bad, which inherently makes him my enemy, ‘I’ have to wish for his defeat to ‘get to’ feel good. Not seeing Mr. Yo as my enemy broke the entire thing and reminded me that feeling good is actually in my own hands… the feeling good became unconditional… at that point enjoying & appreciation is peace & peacefulness… I am no longer ‘against’ anyone, which is harmonious as well. [Emphasis added]. (link)
Has something happened to cause your interest in actualism to wane since you told Richard in January 2013 that –
Felipe: Hello, Richard, I’ve been practicing the actualism method since July 2011 (link)?
Or has maybe Henry’s report of success in unconditionally feeling good and “peace and peacefulness” perhaps rekindled your attraction to achieve a similar experience in your own life?
Cheers Vineeto