@jamesjjoo it’s normal to have that surge of “love” when reconnecting with an ex you really were “in love” with.
No need to fight it. It will become obvious enough, soon enough, why that didn’t work the first time.
Just enjoy. She wants help with the house. There is nothing more natural than the exchange of desires that this is. For most anyway.
I like fixing houses, and i like sex. If we are anything alike, i don’t see any losers here.
@Andrew Yes Andrew it is obvious that love is still lurking. However, there is one huge difference now: My life is great with or without her and sex is great with or without her. She is ultra busy as always but that is fine because I don’t need her now to be happy. So whatever she does is fine.
Love came to the forefront yesterday which was great for awhile and now it has taken over and gumming up the works. I can see that it is an antidote for the sadness and fear underneath.
Realizing that what there is to do is enjoy and appreciate her did the trick. I am back to feeling good and the negative feelings are gone. I am enjoying and appreciating.
Love is still lurking. I can’t sleep. Tossing and turning. It is in control. It feels like fear is at the root of it and love is an antidote for that. I want to let her do what she wants to do without trying to control her. I want to enjoy and appreciate her no matter what she does. What am I afraid of? I am afraid of losing ‘me’. I am afraid of not being in control.
The problem is caused by waiting and waiting is anticipation. If I am not waiting for or anticipating being with her then I am free to enjoy and appreciate doing whatever I am doing now. If she has time for me then great and if not then that is great too or actually it may be even better.
Her real world drama is overwhelming. This is a real test for me. The challenge is to keep enjoying and appreciating and not buy in to the drama. I could cut bait and run but I need to face up to this.
It’s all just talk. Love has got a grip on me and I can’t shake it off.
Hmm, just consider, in real world terms, she will never love you in the way you dream of.
Love isn’t what we think it is.
Do you remember just how much it hurt?
This isn’t advice. No, just a reminder.
Enjoy the sex. Enjoy fixing the house.
Everything will be over, at any moment.
Do you really want to be reminded again that we can never be all “that”?
Maybe that is good for us. To remember.
Enjoy your life, lad!!!
I find there is a specific moment when i “pine” (spelling?) for them. It’s whichever one. When i want to be something. Someone special.
What happens? I go looking for them to endorse me. To validate me. To say i am something.
Of course!! No problem.
Because i am something. I exist. I am a miracle of sorts.
Do i really need them to remind me of that? Or can i just enjoy the sex, the fact we fit.
When we love, we imagine that promises are something substantial.
Yet, not even the next millisecond is ours to promise.
Not even this moment is ours to promise anyone anything.
Love has taken over now. Can I enjoy and appreciate it instead of fighting it?
@Miguel Yes, it is an interesting idea that I had and it is working. The challenge now is not to get carried away on the love train and forget about the downside of love.
Vineeto: "Given that my aim is to eliminate ‘me’ the identity in toto, any feeling that prevents me from being happy and harmless is acknowledged, felt and labelled as it arises, neither expressed nor suppressed but attentively observed, in order that I can then either nip it in the bud or, if need be, explore and understand it fully so as to then be able to abandon them".
I understand then that you are trying to feel it fully while observing it, to understand it completely.
Yes, I had no chance of nipping it in the bud because it is too strong. I want to understand it by feeling it fully while enjoying and appreciating it. I decided to enjoy and appreciate it since I can’t stop it and then to drop it after I get a grip on it. The only thing I can do now is observe it.
Hmm one thought to try – what if instead of taking the approach to enjoy and appreciate it, per se – you take the approach to enjoy and appreciate being alive, whether it is happening or not?
i.e. instead of looking to conditionally enjoy something which can be unenjoyable – rather think of it more like as relatively unconditionally as possible enjoying being alive, regardless of (and maybe in spite of) what is happening.
Just a thought… … I am curious if it helps!
My first thought is I can’t just enjoy being alive while love has a grip on me. Right now that seems like wishful thinking. It seems more doable to enjoy and appreciate love itself. Love seems like a different animal which doesn’t allow me to just enjoy being alive. Will look at this more.
That would be the ideal, @claudiu, but this last position/experiment from @jamesjjoo arose from the fact that he admitted:
So, this would be an attempt to shake it off by getting to know better what it is about love that grabs him in such a way.
That’s not mutually exclusive! I’m not advising to shake it off and enjoy being alive … I’m advising to keep the approach of enjoying being alive, while getting to know it better etc.
My thought is that while feeling the highs of love, at least, it should be easy to be having fun or at least enjoying it (like you say), because it’s pleasurable and heady etc. While feeling the lows or the pining is another story obviously.
So I’m more suggesting that, while feeling the highs at least, instead of having the approach to enjoy the high specifically - which you may as well do (it’d be silly not to enjoy that which is pleasurable) - rather during these high periods to see if you can maintain the “focus” of enjoyment on being alive itself - which maybe won’t be that far off from enjoying the love itself, since both are enjoyable things …
Doing it might loosen the grip the highs have which would then make the lows better …
But of course it is maybe just wishful thinking. It is super powerful while being in the throes of love. Nothing wrong with just enjoying the ride 
Upon closer examination I can see that love is not the problem and that love is an antidote for the real problem. The real problem is fear which stems from ‘me’.
When I was with her yesterday it seemed like actual intimacy. Today at home alone the memory of it is tainted with love.
The reality is I won’t see her until Sunday and love is in the forefront now. I wouldn’t call it pining. It is more like longing. I don’t like it. It is not pleasant. I don’t know what I can do right now to dissipate it. I don’t want to live like this. I don’t like the way this sounds but I have to try and get it out.