Something has shifted. The age and the pain are not a handicap as long as I live within my means instead of trying to overcome it. The body is a master of its own experience. The actual freedom of a new life is doable. Af is within reach.
However, I have noticed a deeper underlying wish to die in my sleep. It’s like it would be a relief even though my life is not that bad. My only real problem right now is chronic pain for which there could be help or a solution.
The state has approved the use of the compassionate use of THC for chronic pain. I am going to check on this to see if I can jump thru all the hoops to get it. I could be better off w/o it.
@Vineeto I have come to realize why I have never gotten anywhere with self-immolation. It is because I have always wanted to do it for ‘me’ w/o wanting to do it for others. This is not true altruism. Altruism is wanting to do it for ‘me’, ‘you’ and ‘everybody’.
I would like to start by saying that I really want to do it for you. This is the best place to start because you have tried so hard to help me all these years. If I can do it for you then I can do it for me and everybody.
Thank you for being there for me all these years.
I understand now why altruism is the key. I need altruism to give me the strength to follow thru just as Richard told us.
I don’t want to send this because I am afraid that I can’t deliver on my promise.
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Hi James,
It’s excellent you now understand the practical meaning of altruism and realising that you “have always wanted to do it for ‘me’ w/o wanting to do it for others”. It is an important insight and now allows you to widen your perspective to include other people – your fellow human beings – in your consideration in daily life.
Altruism (the act of sacrificing one’s ‘self’) only happens right at the end, but keeping the intent for altruism in mind you can allow developing a genuine caring which can segue into a “caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” (see link). It has the additional benefit making interactions with people more enjoyable and amicable.
James: I would like to start by saying that I really want to do it for you. This is the best place to start because you have tried so hard to help me all these years. If I can do it for you then I can do it for me and everybody.
Thank you for being there for me all these years.
I understand now why altruism is the key. I need altruism to give me the strength to follow thru just as Richard told us.
I understand and appreciate what you say, and I am curious to hear if you experience a change in your strength and intent with this new insight and perspective.
James: I don’t want to send this because I am afraid that I can’t deliver on my promise. (link)
I appreciate your sincerity and that you have sent it anyway.
Cheers Vineeto
Thanks for the reminder that altruism comes at the end. I need to completely review ‘How to become af.’
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>James: Thanks for the reminder that altruism comes at the end. I need to completely review ‘How to become af.’ (link)
Hi James,
The most significant suggestion is, of course, to enjoy and appreciate being alive. A way to allow naiveté is to allow yourself to be in a good mood, which can be brought about by not courting either ‘good’ or bad feelings. It doesn’t need to be sustained with mental energy or guardedness – the simple absence of ‘good’ or bad feelings is sufficient. The cleanness and freshness of simply enjoying being here allows layers of enjoyment and appreciation you weren’t aware of before. It’s delicious.
When you are in such a good mood, it is worthwhile contemplating what Richard explained about being here at this place now in this very moment. It’s the quickest way to experientially understand what an actual freedom is like.
Richard: With no ‘I’ to mess things up you will understand apperceptively that physically, and thus factually, this actual universe has no ‘inside’ as there is no ‘outside’. Therefore there is no centre (no middle) and thus, with infinity, somewhere as a place is no ‘where’ (nowhere) in particular. There is no measurement possible with infinite space, for there is no reference point (an edge) to compare against. Living on planet earth, humans measure space in comparison to the localised distance between here and there. It is this measurement that is relative, not the universe. ‘Here’ is, as a fact, anywhere in infinity.
So is it too with time. As there is no beginning and end to time, there is no middle. ‘Now’ as a fixed point has no ‘when’ (nowhen) in particular (it is whenever we humans agree to make it). There is no measurement possible in eternity, for there is no reference point (before a beginning) to compare against. Living on the planet earth in localised daylight and darkness, humans measure time in comparison to the period between now and then. It is this measurement that is relative, not time. Just as ‘here’ is anywhere in infinity, so too is ‘now’ anywhen in eternity.
Thus, just as we humans living on this planet are moving from nowhere to anywhere in infinite space, so too are we coming from nowhen and proceeding to anywhen in time. As it is any measurement that is relative, not the substance of space and time, consequently, when ‘I’, the psychological entity called the self, disappears as a measurer (a reference point), measurement ceases to be a reality and the actual becomes apparent. Then, and only then, is one being alive here as an actuality in space and living now as an actuality in time.
None of us are coming from somewhere or going anywhere for we are always here and it is already now. We are never not here and it is never not now. Where else could we be but here? When we move from ‘here’ to ‘there’, as we are moving we are always here … and when we arrive ‘there’, we are here. Similarly when else could it be but now? As we wait for ‘then’ to become ‘now’, while we are waiting it is always now … and when ‘then’ arrives, it is now.
Being alive is ambrosial, to say the least. (Richard, List A, No. 16, #No. 17).
Enjoy.
Cheers Vineeto
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Thanks, this is a perfect and easy to follow review of what I need. You’re the best.
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