I have decided to end myself with myself. I understand now. ‘I’ am the only one that can end ‘I’. Writing the note to myself above did the trick.
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James: In reviewing this thread I see that it is the identity itself (‘I’) that makes the self - sacrifice for oneself and all humankind:
RICHARD: Speaking personally, I did not ‘permanently disappear the ‘I’ and the ‘me’’ … it was the identity that did all the work. Who you think and feel and instinctively ‘know’ yourself to be has a job to do: When ‘I’ willingly self-immolate – psychologically and psychically – then ‘I’ am making the most noble sacrifice that ‘I’ can make for oneself and all humankind … for ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear. It is ‘my’ moment of glory. It is ‘my’ crowning achievement … it makes ‘my’ petty life all worth while. It is not an event to be missed … to physically die without having experienced what it is like to become dead is such a waste of a life.
There is an intrinsic trait common to all sentient beings: self-sacrifice. [Richard, List B, James, 24 Sep. 1999]
James: So ‘I’ am not only doing this for myself but for this body, that body and everybody.
This is most definitely worth dying for.
Is it the guardian that is stopping me? (link)
James: I have decided to end myself with myself. I understand now. ‘I’ am the only one that can end ‘I’. Writing the note to myself above did the trick. (link)
Hi James,
It is not only the ‘guardian’, aka the social identity, but your whole ‘being’ (both social identity and the instinctual passions and their resultant feelings) which are “stopping” you.
Richard described it well in a message in 2002 too you, which Geoffrey told me he recommends as essential for reading and comprehending to anyone who wants his advice to becoming actually free –
RICHARD: Okay … I will come at it from another direction then: the bottom line of ‘me’ is suffering (obviously there are times when ‘I’ feel happy, when ‘I’ feel glad, when ‘I’ feel cheerful and so on but whenever those moments pass ‘I’ inevitably revert to ‘my’ default setting).
So, essentially ‘I’ am suffering and, as ‘I’ am addicted to being ‘me’ and being ‘me’ is suffering, ‘I’ am addicted to suffering … it is ‘my’ very nature. What you are (presumably) experiencing right now is ‘me’ as ‘I’ really am when all of the external causes of happiness, gladness, cheerfulness and so on are stripped away … and of course ‘I’ want to ‘play some more now’ because ‘I’ do not like being ‘me’.
Yet, perversely, ‘I’ am addicted to being ‘me’ … and it is this addiction which is why there is no peace on earth. [Richard, List B, James, 24 October 2002]
It requires diligent, and if needed experiential, attention to any feeling which might diminish your feeling good/feeling excellent, and thus would stand in the way as an objection to the ending of ‘you’. Again a reminder that ‘you’ cannot end ‘yourself’.
What ‘you’ can do is give permission, with your whole being, to allow pure intent to have it happen.
This is not a mental/intellectual command you give yourself but both an existential (all of ‘you’) and joyous acquiescence to allow the universe to live you, irrevocably.
Deeply appreciating every step of the way is the clue that you are on the right track.
Cheers Vineeto
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Thanks V for clarifying exactly what ‘the guardian’ is which is the whole ‘being’ including the social identity and the instinctual passions. This is vitally important info to help me succeed to become free.
I do remember the discussion with Richard about addiction on an old K list which was one of the first discussions I had with him. My takeaway was that what we (humanity) are addicted to is suffering which essentially is ‘me’. IOW, ‘I’ am addicted to ‘me’ which is suffering (’ ‘I’/me’ is suffering).
Also, thanks for clarifying that ‘I’ cannot end ‘I’. I have to give permission with my whole being to allow pure intent have it happen.
Iow, when my whole being (social identity and Instinctual passions) allows the universe to live me(out from control) thru pure intent I am on the right track.
Have I put this correctly? I am trying to put this succinctly and correctly to help me make it so.
How would you put it succinctly?
I think I got it above where I said:
“I have to give permission with my whole being to allow pure intent to have it happen by allowing the universe to live me.”
Further refinement for succinctness:
“I have to give permission with my whole being to allow pure intent to have it happen.”
I have found that being specific is the key to success.
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Hi James,
You have essentially summed up most of it correctly.
Thanks V for clarifying exactly what ‘the guardian’ is which is the whole ‘being’ including the social identity and the instinctual passions.
Correction - the guardian is another word for the social identity only.
‘Being’ consists of the instinctual passions and the feelings arising from them, which form the core of your identity.
“I have to give permission with my whole being to allow pure intent to have it happen by allowing the universe to live me.”
“Allowing the universe to live you” is an essential part of the understanding so you are aware what it means in the last part of the sentence (“to have it happen”).
Then change “I have to give permission” to “I am drawn forward by pure intent so that I cannot help but joyously give permission …”
Again - enjoying and appreciating is the key.
Cheers Vineeto
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Good answer, I need to get back to enjoying and appreciating.
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@Vineeto I’m back to enjoying and appreciating. With a crystal clear vision of achieving af I can do it. Here is my current take from what you said:
‘I am drawn forward by pure intent to gladly allow the universe to live me’.
Does that sound correct?
I have a clear memory of pure intent from a pce so I need to reconnect with it.
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correction: “I am drawn forward by pure intent to gladly allow the universe to live me to have af happen.”
Does this sound exactly right?
James: correction: “I am drawn forward by pure intent to gladly allow the universe to live me to have af happen.”
Does this sound exactly right? [link]
Hi @James,
No, it does not "sound exactly right’.
The very fact that you have replaced my phrase of “allowing the universe to live me” [link] with the acronym “af” speaks of a distancing yourself from, and thus watering down (i.e. depreciating), the very quality and magnificence of your ultimate goal. Instead of trying to be more “succinct” (i.e. minimalistic and economical), what is required now is to contemplate at length and in overwhelming depth what your aim actually entails – to altruistically and willingly abandon what you hold as the most precious thing ‘you’ are, ‘your self’, in order to be able to leave the ‘real’ world behind and come into the actual world.
Your phrasing “to have af happen” does in no way represent an actual freedom from the human condition, not in those words and hence not in your mind/consciousness.
An actual freedom from the human condition means living the “magical perfection of the purity of this infinite and eternal universe twenty-four hours a day” and experiencing “the purity of life” which “emerges from the perfection that wells up constantly due to in immense stillness which is utterly immense in its scope and magnitude.” (quotes from Richard’s Journal, Article Twenty-five).
Without a full acknowledgment, a presentiated awareness and a deep appreciation of what you are aiming for, how can you possibly invite and experience pure intent (as described by Richard above) to guide you, to draw you forth, to immerse you in the sweetness and tenderness, which are the qualities of this utterly benignant universe, and to ultimately seduce you to let go, to give up, to abandon what ‘you’ presently hold most dear?
As Richard said in the same Article “One has to be daring enough to live it …”
Regards Vineeto
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Wow what an incredible way to describe the goal and the kind of motivation needed, my guess is this is what Alan was referring to back then when he wrote “I wish I could remember exactly what Richard said but that’s the best I can do now.” :
Geoffrey: Wait what? Writing “AF” instead of “actually free from the human condition” is watering it down?
Alan: It is ‘watering it down’ in the sense that it makes it easy to forget that one’s aim is to be free of the human condition. It is ‘reducing it’, making it sort of matter of fact, no big deal – it isn’t, it is a major thing. I wish I could remember exactly what Richard said but that’s the best I can do now.
This post came at a good time because the past week or two it seems I have not been allowing myself to be seduced any further in this way. When I wrote the below post it seemed I was very close - Kub933's Journal - #1115 by Kub933, things were happening exactly in this way, being drawn ever closer to pure intent, with the experiences of sweetness and magic accompanying the movement forward, providing assurance that I am moving closer to my destiny.
But this movement has halted somewhat and it is almost as if I have been content to remain where I am, although content is not really the right word, it’s more that there is an obstruction which is holding me back, I am no longer allowing myself to be seduced further. Although the wonderful thing I noticed just now is that the mere fact of me writing this post out has already resumed this seduction haha! 
OK so I can see now that the part of ‘me’ standing behind the objection will need to be unravelled BUT the unravelling is done via allowing pure intent whereas experiencing this aspect of ‘me’ fully is the “parenthesis” period.
It is odd because the past week or two it’s as if ‘I’ had put a halt on pure intent unravelling ‘me’ any further, now it is has resumed and it makes perfect sense all over again. I am reminded of exactly what Vinneto wrote below :
Which means, being confronted with some occurring obstacle, which is part and parcel of investigating the human condition, is not the same thing as falling back to normal. It’s part and parcel of the actualism process as long as you connect back with pure intent and continue to experience that the brakes don’t work at the end of the “parenthesis” period.
And what @claudiu wrote here :
I am pleased to report that as of August 20th, an out-from-control virtual freedom has resumed
It is funny because the current experience is such that I had been out-from-control the entire time.
How odd indeed but also how incredible, it seems all aspects of the human condition will need to be experienced fully, including any objection (no matter how seemingly small or insignificant) hence the “parenthesis” period, once this period is over ‘I’ am once more being unravelled via pure intent. So I began writing this post to clarify the way forward again and it seems this happened before I even got to finish writing it! 
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OK so now the only question I have still is what is the best way to proceed when in that “parenthesis” period. Whether it is about allowing ‘myself’ to experience that pattern fully whilst accepting that this aspect of being seduced further by pure intent will be temporarily stunted. This seems the only way, that ‘I’ have to experience ‘myself’ sufficiently to where ‘I’ am happy once more to continue being unravelled. @claudiu what do you think?
OK so now the only question I have still is what is the best way to proceed when in that “parenthesis” period. Whether it is about allowing ‘myself’ to experience that pattern fully whilst accepting that this aspect of being seduced further by pure intent will be temporarily stunted. This seems the only way, that ‘I’ have to experience ‘myself’ sufficiently to where ‘I’ am happy once more to continue being unravelled.
Hi @Kuba,
I wondered where you disappeared to in the last couple of weeks.
Welcome back.
To answer your question, I suggest that you only have to experience the objection or obstruction long enough to be able to name it/ label it. Recognizing it for what it is it will disappear.
I suspect it’s only a ghost of an objection, masquerading as a real problem. 
Remember, as Richard confirmed, “there are no prerequisites as such to becoming actually free” [link].
Cheers Vineeto
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Thank you, it is great to be back haha!
To answer your question, I suggest that you only have to experience the objection or obstruction long enough to be able to name it/ label it. Recognizing it for what it is it will disappear.
I suspect it’s only a ghost of an objection, masquerading as a real problem.
Right so this would avoid stalling in that pattern and masking it as ‘exploration’. If these are merely ghosts of objections masquerading as a real problem then the bottom line is not the content of the objection itself but rather the fact of ‘me’ stalling. It seems it is just ‘me’ grasping for any possible way to prolong ‘myself’, and any reason will do, ‘I’ am indeed very cunning!
And yet any stalling only prolongs ‘my’ existence, ‘I’ am programmed to do anything to survive and yet this nature ensures ‘my’ continued suffering.
I was wondering about the remaining objections that ‘Vineeto’ had right up until self-immolation, but those objections are just means to substantiate ‘myself’, ‘good reasons’ to remain in existence in whatever form, they don’t have any genuine purpose beyond that, hence “there are no prerequisites as such to becoming actually free”, as any ‘prerequisites’ which ‘I’ set for ‘myself’ are a strategy to put off ‘my’ demise into the future.
And yet why put it off into the future when it is what ‘I’ secretly desire, and there is no genuine reason to wait either.
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This reminds me of I believe Pamela (although I could be wrong) ringing Richard on the day of her becoming actually free, and declaring that she has simply decided she is going to do it, that simple.
KUBA: And yet any stalling only prolongs ‘my’ existence, ‘I’ am programmed to do anything to survive and yet this nature ensures ‘my’ continued suffering.
Hi @Kuba,
When it happens it will be now. Viz:
RICHARD: With the absolute certainty/ total absence of choice of the PCE the invocation of destiny (oblivion/ extinction) is the deadly simple and fascinated contemplation of the fact that, as physical death is the end of ‘being’ anyway, it might as well happen sooner rather than later. (The oblivion/ extinction of ‘being’ at physical death is entirely without benefit in regards peace-on-earth whereas the oblivion/ extinction of ‘being’ at this moment in time is entirely beneficial to the host body and of a facilitatory benefit to all other bodies).
The fascinated contemplation – ‘fascinated’ as in a moth to a flame – morphs into a pure contemplation (as in an apperceptivity) upon it becoming startlingly apparent as an experiential actuality that this moment in time has no duration.
What this means, to an identity for whom time moves (as in past/ present/ future), is that the keep-it-safe extinction of ‘being’ (cunningly projected into some future moment) will be happening now when it does take place. (Time has no duration in actuality; now, being eternal, is already always dynamic in that everything happens now; nothing ever happens in past/ present/ future time).
As now is the way, then now is the means; as now is the means, then now is the end … !Bingo! … it is no longer possible to distinguish between life being lived and life doing the living as any such cause and effect has vanished without a trace (it never was anyway as time, as in past/ present/ future, has no existence in actuality).
This is ‘my’ moment of glory; this is ‘my’ crowning achievement; this makes ‘my’ petty life all worthwhile; this is ‘my’ most noble sacrifice for ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear; this is ‘my’ legacy for all humankind; ‘my’ reward is to go blessedly into the oblivion ‘I’ have secretly craved all along.
‘My’ extinction made all this possible.
Regards, Richard.
P.S.: The key-word is: inevitability. [link]
KUBA: I was wondering about the remaining objections that ‘Vineeto’ had right up until self-immolation, but those objections are just means to substantiate ‘myself’, ‘good reasons’ to remain in existence in whatever form, they don’t have any genuine purpose beyond that, hence “there are no prerequisites as such to becoming actually free”, as any ‘prerequisites’ which ‘I’ set for ‘myself’ are a strategy to put off ‘my’ demise into the future.
Apart from ‘Vineeto’ sincerely contemplating the irrevocability of an actual freedom for a day shortly before it happened, this quote describes ‘Vineeto’s’ “final clue” –
‘The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind.
And that’s what happened”. [Direct Route, No.20, 20 Jan 10]. The whole sequence summarized by Richard might be informative.
(Mailing List 'D' Srinath)
KUBA: This reminds me of I believe Pamela (although I could be wrong) ringing Richard on the day of her becoming actually free, and declaring that she has simply decided she is going to do it, that simple.
Just for the record, it was Grace ringing up Richard on Thursday, saying she didn’t want to promise something she perhaps couldn’t do but she wanted to become free on the weekend when she would come and join us in the remote wilderness where we were assembled. And she did become free on that weekend.
Yes, it is that simple.
Cheers Vineeto
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@Vineeto Thanks for speaking frankly which is what I need. I understand what you are saying about watering it down. I was trying to carve out a start with seeing a way forward. I see what that is now. I am enjoying and appreciating and I need to tap in to pure intent to guide me.
My objection at this point is that considering my age and my health condition enjoying and appreciating is good enuf. I am facing increasing pain, a walker, wheelchair and a nursing home. home.
The fact is that right now I am managing the pain just fine and getting around ok. I can still do it. I don’t know how long before things get worse.
Obviously, I need to keep enjoying and appreciating and to tap pure intent. It’s been years since I experienced pure intent but I do have a clear memory of it. It was so clear and so pure. I know that it is a breath away and it seems closer right now.
I appreciate your help and I know that you can assist me in getting to where I need to go,
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I wonder if what @Vineeto wrote to me may be useful to contemplate here @jamesjjoo :
Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind.
Because the impression I get from your writing is something along the lines of ‘I am too old now, it is all lost’. Yet considering what Richard wrote, that back then ‘he’ would have gladly lived (as an irrevocable actuality) what the PCEs demonstrated for just 5 minutes even if death followed immediately after, that is how precious an actual freedom from the human condition is.
So taking into account how precious it is, would you wish this gift upon a fellow human being even (and especially) as they approach physical death? Perhaps you can tap into how wonderful of a gift that would be, until ‘you’ are ready to gift it to the one you care for the most.
@Vineeto Am I correctly understanding that in the text you included the “one I cared for most, the one I was closest to” was referring to the flesh and blood body called Vineeto? As in when ‘I’ care enough to give to another what they want the most, ‘I’ am ready to gift it to myself, to manumit this body of ‘my’ bondage.
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This is a powerful thing to contemplate. I have a bit of a fear of flying, and I remember whenever @Sonyaxx would fly alone my fear was the possibility of her approaching physical death without ever having lived fully, as in actually free from the human condition.
Or equally the possibility of me dying and her never accomplishing this goal of becoming actually free.
But the point is there is this deep caring for a fellow human being to be free, something that is so precious and which ‘I’ care for sincerely. It is this very same caring which can allow ‘me’ to set this body free.
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Hahaha meanwhile I was probably reading my dragon fantasy books 
, no idea you were contemplating my death 
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And what you should have been reading is Richards journal 
Objections to experiencing pure intent:
Pain and pain meds interfering.
Loss of love to and from ex-wife and no one left.
Its been too long.
Old age.
Sadness.
Don’t know how.
Realizing that my life is nearing the end.