Objections to disappearing the ‘me’ continued:
I have objections to Vineeto. I encountered Richard on an old K site and made great strides in a short time. Then I went to the Actualism site and encountered Vineeto where I set myself back from which I have never fully recovered. Note: I said that I set myself back. No one forced me to talk to Vineeto.
@jamesjjoo …If this anecdote helps…Before I fully embraced Actualism, I remember Richard telling me quite sternly that I must’ve developed some sort of a reading or learning disability when I was trying to convince Richard to marry Actualism n Buddhism…that reply from Richard had got me quite pissed against him for a while but once I finally understood what Actualism is about and that I was quite maliciously trying to force my shit on him, then the pissed feelings dropped away for good hehe
What I found is that recently the objections I had towards Vineeto virtually disappeared, they were actually just my own projections of authority which I was then battling against. Especially since Richard’s death there is largely just appreciation left. There is still some authority which I project onto her and this will probably remain as long as authority itself remains. Mostly though this ‘authoritative vineeto’ has been stripped away and I can see her clearer now. When I read her recent writings there is this clear sense that what she does and what she writes is to facilitate the spread of actual freedom and therefore actual peace on earth, how could I object to that?
My problem was clearly with authoritative Vineeto. Richard never imposed his authority on me.
OK so I guess the key question is :
Does this ‘authoritative Vinneto’ exist in actuality or only as an entity in your ‘reality’?
I think it was both at the time. I haven’t talked to her since but the objection is still there because of the memory.
I was thinking that I might feel better about it if Vineeto apologized for abusing me all those years ago but then that is the ‘me’ that wants an apology.
The best that I can do is that I have made Vineeto into my father who is long dead.
I’m afraid to say what the ‘me’ really thought about Vineeto in those days.
Ok, Vineeto did presently say that when there are no more objections then one can allow it (af) to happen. I heard that and it did help me so that helps me overcome my objection to her.
It might help to expose the ‘me’ a little: I hate Vineeto
Hi James,
Vineeto wrote me the following to send to you, which I reproduce below:
Hi James,
I am currently contemplating the animosity that the "male’ and ‘female’ polarities of the human condition have towards each ‘other’.
When I was with Richard and Vineeto, I was acutely experiencing this dichotomy and my own harbouring of animosity.
I had offered to help out when I was there, and we had been building a small project that Richard had planned out. On one of the days, Vineeto had left to do some shopping and Richard and I were talking. After some time, Vineeto returned, and I felt a panic that I hadn’t done anything towards the project. This same feeling has been my experience in all my relationships as well; that I was there to perform some task. A nebulous feeling of guilt/responsibility mixed or maybe fuelled by a desire to be acceptable to the ‘female’.
My current contemplation, which is obviously informed by my now many experiences of 'male/female ’ interactions, is marked with a growing sense of puzzlement that it never truly occurred to me just how bizarre the situation is between ‘males’ and ‘females’.
I would wager 10000 pesos that the heart of this issue of resentment has nothing to do with Vineeto as a person, but rather the larger (largest) animosity that (bizarrely) ‘exists’ between ‘men’ and ‘women’/ '‘women’ and ‘men’.
Could be Andrew. It’s hard to know for sure as these things get murky the deeper one gets. I think my problem with Vineeto is not about her but with my father who is long dead.
ps: It is related to authority.
What do authorities make you feel? How do they do that?
Yes Vineeto, it does seem more than a bit silly. LOL
Authorities make me feel angry by controlling me. This is related to my father who was my authority figure.
How did they control you?
By telling me what I can and can’t do.
But them telling you doesn’t actually prevent them from doing this or that. It amounts to an opinion, you’re still free to do this or that
When I was younger I worked for my parent’s family business and I took them wanting me to work there as law, it’s only now looking back that they never forced me to do it; I just took it as something I didn’t have a choice in. I always had a choice, but I blocked it when I saw them as an authority.