Betrayal indicates an origin of believing in them, of trust. Why did you trust in the healthcare system in the first place? Did you believe they would do everything you wanted? That they had no flaws?
I trusted my doctor because I had gone to him for 30 yrs and he has always helped me. I didn’t expect him to give me a random drug test with no explanation and take my medicine away if random drug tests found me positive again. This is essentially a death sentence for smoking pot.
He’s still beholden to the larger systems that define what he can offer legally
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You have options.
Being given the choice between the medication and pot, is outside your doctor’s control. He didn’t betray you, he has to do it that way or potentially lose his licence.
You still have the choice, and further even other choices which aren’t obvious right now.
Indeed, when I recently experienced heartbreak again, my motivation to get back into actualism was ignited. I had yet again proven that my way of being doesn’t work.
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Yes, @andrew I would call this the hard truth. It’s hard because it’s the truth and ‘I’ don’t like it. This is my chance to extinguish this ‘I’ once and for all and just let them do what they want with ‘me’ once and for all w/o resisting it.
I fell and busted my ear open and had to go to the hospital. I am feeling bad and depressed from more meds. I don’t want to face this. I want to smoke some pot and escape.
I need to readjust to what feeling good and enjoying and appreciating is. Iow, I don’t need to feel good physically and have a stimulant to feel good and enjoy and appreciate. I can feel good and enjoy and appreciate with things as they are regardless of how I feel and how I’ve been treated. It is the ‘I’ that needs things to be a certain way.
I’m am now back to feeling good and enjoying and appreciating.
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There is deep seated anger arising now. I am being severely punished for using an herb in my own home that has saved my life and given me enjoyment I am headed for major trouble if I don’t get a grip. My only hope is to take what their giving without resisting.
It is the ‘I/me’ that is resisting.
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Af is not needing a substance and for not needing things to go ‘my’ way.
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It is sounding a bit like you were dependent on marijuana for feeling good. If that is the case, you may be going through withdrawal and it could be prudent to wait out the storm before taking any decisions or jumping to conclusions.
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Yes, this does ring a bell and sounds like good advice.
Woke up feeling good. Enjoyed breakfast.
The ‘I’ is upset and still wants to prove that ‘I’ have been unjustly punished which has had a major impact on me. My thinking now is that just let it go and deal with the consequences instead of trying to show the facts that ‘I’ am right. Iow, give it up. ‘I’ can’t win even tho I am right.
The problem with being dependent on a substance, a person or anything else is that others can control me by taking it away from me. I need to adjust to not being dependent on anything or anybody no matter how it makes me feel.
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That’s a really good insight. Most certainly as a feeling being.
If you were actually free, and dependent on a substance to treat joint pain (could be anything but I’m just choosing something regarding pain), how do you think you might react if it was taken away from you?
Good question. Seems like a good way to help one in becoming free. I know that Richard uses a pain med for his back and also smokes tobacco (nicotine) and drinks coffee (caffeine). I assume that if his pain med was taken away that he would have no emotional reaction and would have the sensation of pain. I think he would be relatively unaffected if his caffeine and nicotine was taken away. I also think he would be unaffected from losing a partner. This is because he is not dependent on these things to start with.
To answer your question about me. If I was actually free I don’t think I would be dependent on a substance to start with. If a pain med was taken away I wouldn’t have an emotional reaction and would still have the sensation of pain. I’m not sure how I would deal with the pain.
‘I’ am completely owned by the state and the health care system. They have inflicted undue and unjust penalty on ‘me’ including pain and suffering and threat of early death. My only way out is to become actually free. Then they can’t hurt ‘me’ and control ‘me’. I must do that. Can I do that?