James' Journal

I was going to suggest glucosamine a couple of weeks back, but i looked up the research then and it seems it doesn’t do anything for backs.
However, hearing you struggling, maybe it’s worth a shot?
Also, do you use a back-support brace?
Also, building some muscle/ core strength. There are exercises which are simply tending one’s muscles, without have to move too much.
Just throwing some ideas around.

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A few weeks back I went for an orthopedic checkup as my usual upper back pain wasn’t healing from a week or so…he took a quick x-ray which ruled out bone issues…then gave muscle relaxants plus some B vitamins etc…and asked to do neck stretches n strengthening exercises

This particular problem resolved in a few days but now from 2 weeks another upper back pain issue came up which wasn’t healing…yesterday eve took b vitamin again plus decided to go more into stillness of the universe…then went to sleep…now since morning it’s a bit less generally but can’t say for sure

I find that using phone n laptop can exacerbate it so trying to reduce it…walking on the other hand tends to reduce the issue it seems

Have you done an mri ?

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@Andrew , @Shashank Thanks guys, your feedback has helped me a lot. It has helped me to realize that what I need is endurance. I need endurance to heal my back and I need endurance to become af. I have never seen that before so I appreciate it.

Have a look at John Sarno for back pain.

He posits that there’s a back pain kinda personality - bending over backwards for other people, wanting to get things right etc etc and its only after resolving issues at the core of all that does the back pain resolve automatically.

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I keep thinking that when my back gets well then I will feel good and enjoy and appreciate. It has just occurred to me that what I need to do is enjoy and appreciate now and not wait for when there is no pain and I feel better.


Richard said that what there is to do is have fun. I need to have fun despite physical limitations. What if my back never gets well?

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also might help – if you remember to when your back was well — were you always enjoying & appreciating back then? I suspect not… so it’s not just about your back

Hmmm yes, good point. It’s not just about my back. There can always be an excuse to not enjoy and appreciate now and wait for a future time when things are better.


This is not new or earth shattering but I never got it like this before. I have to get an operation on my back with a three month at home rehab. There is so much to do that it seems overwhelming to think about. However, when I stick to what there is to do right now then it seems doable. The only thing I have to do right now is usually some simple task. All the other stuff I can do when it needs to be done and I can find help when I need it.


Funnily enough, I had some of my best times investigating when I was broken / sick last year. It may well be the best 3 months of your life!

May it all go smoothly.

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The back operation went well and the @home rehabbing is going good. I am feeling good and enjoying and appreciating.


I finally quit the cannabis in order to pass my next drug test. What I have noticed is I don’t seem to be enjoying as much or to the same degree because the weed did enhance my senses. I need to be more aware of my senses to make up for the lost stimulation.

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How is what you are doing any different from a vipassana style mindfulness directed at the senses?

Awareness of the senses is a part of actualism. I don’t know about vipassana. Is that focusing?

Yes vipassana is focusing. that’s how i used it anyway

Yes vipassana is focusing. That’s how I used it I mean.

I don’t experience awareness of the senses in actualism as focusing.

The same back problems have resurfaced after my operation. Also, the insurance has disallowed my hospital charges. I did exactly what the doctors told me to do but the insurance says I was an outpatient instead of an inpatient because the doctor released me after a one night stay in hospital and the insurance says I have to stay two nights to be classified as an inpatient. This is going to cost a small fortune and its not my fault because I didn’t know. It bothers me but I am still enjoying and appreciating although not to the same degree. There is sadness lurking underneath. It seems like my grasp of actualism is being tested.

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The lurking sadness is trying to morph into depression. Richard said to enjoy and appreciate no matter what. Continuing back pain and getting unfairly stuck with a huge bill is hardly the end of the world. I had rather enjoy and appreciate. I think I’ll have a great masturbation and finish watching this great movie.

I’m not actually free but it is becoming increasingly clear that what I am is a flesh and blood body.

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