Hi Adam,
Well, a PCE is not an “act”, a pure consciousness experience is an event, which you allow to happen. ‘You’ have no part in it except allowing to go into (temporary) abeyance –
Richard: It takes the felicity and innocuity of naiveté to bring about a PCE: where one is happy and harmless a benevolence and benignity which is not of ‘my’ doing operates of its own accord … and it is this beneficence and magnanimity which occasions the PCE. (Richard, AF List, Rick-a, 4 Mar 2006).
This link might be informative – How Do I Induce a PCE?
Adam-Cl: Which my passive and resentful self has mistaken as being like there is nothing I can do to actualise it, so I turned into something to feel resentful about because I can’t do it, it is not within my specialness to be able to do. Which then becomes a form of self-criticism of uselessness too, if I was a better or more competent actualist this would have happened by now. I am really seeing the mess I have been in.
After you recognized that source of “self-criticism” did you abandon your idea of “specialness” and its resultant resentment in order to better facilitate PCEs to occur?
In other words, it’s all very well to virtuously demonstrate how aware you are by saying “I am really seeing the mess I have been in” – but have you actively done something about it by consciously (and thus permanently) abandoning such an attitude recognized as silly, or are you merely content castigating yourself while continuing remaining the same as before?
I have deliberately phrased my question in this provocative way because you said that you “keep circling back to is this passivity” – lacking “lack the will or intent to actualise things”. (link)
One of the most helpful tools for the actualism method is to be a friend to yourself (see Actualvineeto, Selected Correspondence, Being a Friend). Changing your attitude to yourself to being friendly might also help to ween you off veering into alternative imaginary realities.
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Vineeto: Apart from that, to actively remember/ rememorate your PCE’s with the sincere intent to imitate the actual as much and as often as possible is important because nothing will change unless you want to change. Imitating the actual was how Richard first developed and applied the actualism method –
Adam-Cl: I have mentioned several times over the years since the zulip forum, I have always had this tendency to be in imagination more than the real world so like twice removed from actuality was my norm. It is so reflexive to start going to imagined scenarios about having a PCE or being virtually free or fully free without actually doing the actual method and the imitation of the actual. Even to the point of imagining paying attention to this moment and doing the method rather than actually doing the method, its so bizarre once you start to spot it in action.
Ha, this really is the perfect description of day-dreaming arm-chair philosophy.
Adam-Cl: At least I am becoming aware of what I am doing and taking steps to rectify. (link)
Ok, I am looking forward to learning of the rectifying steps you are taking, and if they have been successful.
Hint – a silly habit can only be replaced by developing an alternative sensible habit, to wit, whole-heartedly saying !YES! to being here.
Cheers Vineeto