Feeling very naive and sensuous atm. This investigation really helped^.
As much as I’m speaking about the “macro”, that macro is made up of composite micro moments - these can easily be missed. In fact I am motivated as a self to miss them, as if secretly clinging hard to my much-held beliefs.
I went to the park and was feeling incredibly naive. The chat with @Vineeto made me think of the following quote:
“Pride is derived from an intellect inured to naiveté.”
It made me realise I am kidding myself, if I think I’m being naive, let alone being naïveté itself. My standard is too low as it were - I’m content to be clever or verbose or argumentative or rational, proclaiming my lack of deep feelings and denying the muddying sense of ‘being’ that dirties everything.
Everything started to look very fresh and vibrant in a way that it hasn’t in a long while.
Now I’m back at home on the balcony. My awareness is drawn to the presence of any interference of the types of issues mentioned above, my main ones, the most hidden ones. The ones that dominate my every waking moment virtually in the back of my mind.
But those issues aren’t coming up, sensuosity is. The flickering of candles, the glow of my phone, the tapping of my thumbs. The faint sound of crickets. Cars in the distance.
There is an aliveness, but I’m still much much more out of the way than usual. It’s wonderful. My aloneness is of no concern whatsoever.