Ok emp inspired me to write an update too…
So my “have PCEs” approach is paying dividends, I get very very close and it always orients in the right direction. Watching the baby crawl around on the rug in my living room, I could see how I could just ‘step into’ actuality, it was but a little step away…
The main thing I am experientially seeing now is how much better it is to go this approach rather than the usual – better for the baby, for my partner, and for me as well (much more fun!)
The main sticking point now is my work-drive, it’s really very powerful, I was able to just set it aside for most of the week (except one morning where it got me into a bit of a funk that I only really got out of halfway through the day) but now i gotta deal with it hehe
I do see it’s about not getting worked up about it though.. ‘my’ adversary is just ‘me’, there’s no way I can fail at this, i mean it’s not something that ‘I’ cannot overcome since.. it is ‘me’ haha.
A super useful insight so far was seeing that the work-drive is actually not really about work! it’s more of a ‘good’-feeling-addiction of ‘accomplishing’ things, which devolves to anxiety when i feel i don’t accomplish enough. The same energy actually is often super unproducitve, where i spend ton of time on ‘fun’ side-projects and doom-scrolling twitter instead of the actual most sensible task lol
I put ‘fun’ in quotes because it does feel like it would be ‘fun’, however, it is certainly not felicitous… and the week of convivium-felicity-feeling is a great thing to rememorate by contrast.. now that was fun!! Haha.
So it amounts to this addictive pull of what I feel would be fun, with very obvious clear and immediate downsides… and it’s not even about work, as in doing a job and earning a living or whatnot! Feeling like i ‘need’ to do it for ‘work’ is, in other words, an excuse! haha
So it’s really just something ‘I’ choose to do, and i figure, if i’m gonna choose something that’s not ‘necessary’ (like earning money, taking care of baby etC) then I may as well choose something that’s actually fun, not fake fun lol
that’s kinda where it is at though , the pull is still there, but contrasting it w/ the felicity helps quite a bit