The effect I can apparently have on people around me is quite mirificent!
An ad-hoc/unplanned lunch with some coworkers. One of them was saying how they were feeling bad and not sure what they want in life, what value system to follow, what do they actually really want? The benefit of where I’m at now is I can just talk straightforwardly and directly. So I told them that the tricky bit is that people want to find a solid, unyielding core that is reliable – but such a thing doesn’t exist for an identity! Because whatever identity you pick, it can only have an illusion of stability, it never actually is so. Because what you ultimately are are your emotions – an emotional expression is what you are. And any seemingly stable identity is just this.
And I could see she didn’t expect that and she reacted in a sort of stunned way, but like she was really considering it! And then she’s like ah so the goal is to be ok with that (or something like this)? And I said well it’s more about accepting that it’s the case and not looking for that anymore but choosing to be a way that is more felicitous, or something like this, but then we got interrupted to be seated.
Later the convo turned to setpoints and I was saying how people have a default emotional setpoint, most are neutral. One said theirs is default good which is why they got so worried when they were feeling not good – I said that’s great, easier for her haha. But another said it was neutral and I said I was able to up-level mine to good, and he was suddenly very interested, like, oh how did you do that?
He had said something like he has a feeling of always wanting more, of having a higher standard, of expecting more than he gets. And I basically just straightforwardly said, if that is how you choose to be in the world, you will never be satisfied. And he went suddenly very still and silent (similar to the other one’s reaction) but it was like he understood and really was listening! And I went on to say that if he wants to be that way he can, but if he wants to not feel unsatisfied all the time he has to change that about himself, and it’s something he can do if he wants.
And then I got into the actualism method (not named as such) of, ok start from feeling good – there’s always a trigger that leads you to not feeling good. And you see specifically what the trigger is, it’s always something. And then you see what about you, how you relate to that trigger, that causes you to not feel good.
It was a lovely convo and he even remarked how he was feeling good now, and everybody evidently was. Just able to straightforwardly and directly talk about and share this advice which worked for me – was quite wondrous!
I remember distinctly what could have been a similar convo, before I had actually been practicing the actualism method, where I outlined to a friend how it would work in theory (as that is the only way I knew it). And he basically asked for practical advice, like an example, and whether it really worked – and I wasn’t able to relay anything satisfying, because I hadn’t been doing it!
A night-and-day difference indeed
And it is so distinct from me wanting the other people to be in a good mood. It isn’t like I was trying to convince them to be, or if someone is down trying to cheer them up. This brings an expectation ‘I’ have for ‘them’ to feel a certain way, and if they don’t it affects & upsets me to a degree. This was, I was not even trying to do anything, it just unfolded this way.
In hindsight I would solidly label this as an intimacy experience, quite wondrous!
It just also goes to show how much even more effective such unplanned interactions would be, with actual Claudiu being the one that is conscious, sans any feeling-being whatsoever 
The other wondrous recent insight was in seeing how I am actually not ‘special’ in that I am essentially the same as any other feeling-being out there. In terms of what I am at my core. In other words I don’t have to maintain or hold onto or try to prop up any aspect of myself that would set me apart or above anyone else – because I am the same at core! This is something I can’t change – I can only self-immolate to remedy this situation.
This was seen as an immense relief of a huge burden that I no longer have to maintain myself in all these various small ways. In other words I am free to do anything, and anyone is free to say or think or do whatever in response, and none of it matters in terms of me having to prop myself up or defend myself or do anything. Cause I already know I’m not special, there is nothing I can actually defend to change this fact!
Similar to Kuba also I’m seeing I really do have to take this next step. Even further insights or realizations are no longer sufficient. It’s not about this anymore. It’s about actually taking the last step, for this fundamental change, that is the very best I can do for every body, including this body!
Cheers,
Claudiu