Chatting with @Kiman , and realising I was being preachy, then thinking “how can I be more helpful?” lead me to talking about coming from a religious background and automatically looking for the rules.
Rules are everywhere in religion.
Funnily, after posting my tongue in cheek list of rules, I realised how relevant it was for the very thing I was journalling about; my relationship to my ex and women in general.
It unlocked something further to the previous insights into my mother.
She is a life long, very devout Christian. Follows the rules to a tee. Smiling, loving, extremely generous, kind to everyone. Went through hell being the perfect wife to a very imperfect husband.
Then it clicked. I keep circling back to thinking about my recent ex because she didn’t follow “the rules”.
Infact, it’s a summary of all my relationships. I expect the woman to essentially be like my mother, following very definite ways of behaviour; the classic Christian virtues of faithfulness, kindness, generosity, unselfishness et al.
However, the dark side is, I followed a mixed path. Without a father fulfilling his equivalent set of rules, I was in a sort of limbo. Experiencing my mother’s piety, whilst witnessing my father’s licentiousness.
I’ve said it before, but I absolutely love this forum!
@Kiman Thanks for posting, and I hope I can be useful to your journey!
