So,
Nostalgia. It’s a very powerful thing to be. Intoxicating in the way it combines beauty, meaning, the remembered innocence of youth, of love, of simpler times. But also, of sunsets, and the waning of life. Of the grasping at some moment, which slips through one’s affective ‘fingers’.
The river was particularly picturesque today. Being an affluent out of the way suburb , there is a certain serenity to the place. The sun sets over the river, with the cockatoos flying about, the boats moored in the river slewing to match the tumbling softness of the moderate south westerly breeze.
Each view could be a postcard. My feelings are that I want to capture this moment, but more than that, I am feeling nostalgia, which is way more than just a postcard.
All the art I ever drew, the music I wrote, but more than that the entire catalogue of art and music in my memory, has strong appeals to feelings, but some of the most powerful are those inducing nostalgia.
What is left if nostalgia disappears? Immediately, I sort of know that it is all a silly game. Just like the postcards my eyes want to make out of the sun on the water, the boats and the birds, my mind imagines that nostalgia can be “lived in”.
That the feeling, that I, can live in that cozy, romantic, and beautiful “place”.
Later, while still feeling this and otherwise looking around at the beautiful houses, I imagined myself owning one that had windows facing the river. This gave rise to despondency. That even with that house, and that view, and that amount of space, I would still sit around and pursue art, and music to express some nostalgia, or sadness, or whatever. I saw myself being exactly who I am . Nostalgic, sad, romantic, despondent, whatever.
Another aspect of nostalgia is legacy. Leaving a legacy, following someone else’s legacy. In other words, Being a legend. I considered the whole time my sons. My love, and love in general. How nostalgic it is to love. How “postcard” like it is! Snapshots of times together. Imagined times when I am no longer alive and they remember me. Nostalgia and love feel full, but only when one chooses to believe in it. It’s hollow and cold when the sun starts to set, and the wind picks up a bit and it’s a tad chilly!
Anyway, at some point the question arose in response to the idea of a PCE or Freedom “what would replace me?” and I laughed a lot at the irony.