Women of Actualism?

This forum, like many others has always been a bit of a male preserve. But actualism did start off with a majority of women becoming actually free - Vineeto, Pamela, Grace, Justine’s Daughter. Then there were others like Devika who became OFC VF.

Was curious why the women here aren’t as keen to lend their voices? @Dona @Sonyaxx @emp and anyone else?

Claudiu’s and my recent foray on the hyper-masculine DHO has got me wondering what a forum with more of a female presence might look like


I’ve been pondering this a lot and I’m not sure how much is due to gender programming and how much is personal preference.

I think I’ve mentioned multiple times that I prefer personal interactions. To me, the discussions here tend to veer into way too abstract territory quite quickly. Sometimes it also feels like intellectual one-upmanship that I have zero wish to spar in.

I haven’t finished mentally writing my reply in the “Spreading the word” topic, but in short; I find that for me, actualism shines in down to earth, day to day interactions and the small details, not in the grand philosophical debates. A big part of why actualism started seeming attainable to me was when I started getting details about actualists lives and not just the very disembodied discussions on the mailing list, DhO and Slack.

I hope this makes sense. Today has spiked my anxiety again so I’m wrestling a bit with my thoughts.


Also as an addendum, a lot (all?) of the women who became free did so in the company of male actualists. I’m entirely removed from all actualist circles (except for this forum, ofc), and found and started practicing actualism on my own, and I’m not sure how much that makes a difference.

I had pondered something similar: I didn’t thought about that they had achieved AF in company of male actualists (because as I understand Vineeto was second, the rest of them would have been surrounded by a man and a woman actually free), but I did thought about that it was via face-to-face interactions rather than digitally mediated ones. I think @Srinath and @geoffrey are the first via this modality; I understand that also Craig if considered AF (but also if not, as Alan achieved VF “remotely”).

@emp I also prefer personal interactions and I find that it is up to me to put personal things on here to have such discussions. I get more out of it when I put personal details about my life on here as I have no one else to talk to about these matters. I would be glad to listen about your personal details if you wish to put them on here.

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I think I need to clarify that I mean interactions in person, or as a second choice, over video (voice distant third). I no longer enjoy writing and find it doesn’t work for me in either direction.

I’m also a coward and feel like I have very little of value to add for my fellow human beings when it comes to actualism. And now I leave the floor to someone else. :relaxed:

Thanks for your honesty. That sounds to me like a good start. What exactly are you afraid of?

I am afraid of growing old with deteriorating health and financial condition.

I feel the same way :joy: honestly I do also feel intimidated with this forum being largely older male dominated, I’m still 20 and not super confident in myself. Also being with Kuba and speaking to him about actualism and all sorts of topics is helpful for me :slight_smile: but I do need to get over this insecurity!


Great points there Emp and Sonya

Something to think about. Actualism was primarily dispersed through email lists and then forums, so thats in the DNA. But there’s nothing to say that this needs to be the only form of communication. We can change. Andrew and Alan had been banging about this for ages. As you point out Emp, many of the women (apart from Vineeto) were not big participants online but got into it through personal contact with Richard.

Yeah nerding out on specilaised topics is like crack cocaine for men :slightly_smiling_face: Things get d**k measury pretty quickly. While there may be no substitute for reading words on the AFT and all that, I do think there might have been some side effects to that approach that alienated people.

OK so more video calls! Sonya might that work for you too? Once you realise us oldies are pretty goofy and idiotic in real life it will be less intimidating methinks :joy:

I don’t think this is about cowardice or insecurity - at least not anymore than anyone in the human condition - but about creating a space where men as well as women feel more free and relaxed about participating. I wondering if video-calls would lead to greater comfort with forum participation and make things less contentious?


Interactions in person could happen in the future too. Perhaps small get togethers of each continental chapter at first with others Zooming in from overseas - then eventually a big party in Ibiza :grin:


Yes a video call sounds like a good idea and then as long as Sonya is happy I could potentially join in as well.
Actual meet ups would be great too I would be very interested, I’m in England though so I think @geoffrey would be the closest, if he was interested in the idea that is.
Or am I getting ahead of myself and this post is females only? :grimacing:

I volunteer Portugal for European meetup! :D. It is very nice here @Kub933 @geoffrey

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Yes I think video calls are a great idea :slight_smile:

Yes @claudiu I would be super interested in that :+1:

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Ambassador @claudiu!!

@srinath “continental chapters”?
I’d like to see my wife’s face if I told her the house was now a “continental chapter”, with a bronze plaque up front: “Actualist European Chapter. By appointment only.” Only to end up with people hiding in the nearby vineyard with telephoto lenses to catch the Geoffrey going out in the morning wearing jogger pants to collect eggs from under some recalcitrant chicken.

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Portugal or Ibiza don’t sound that bad tho :sunglasses:

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@geoffrey do recalcitrant chickens make the tastiest eggs?