I reread it and was just blown away by how immaculate and perfectly articulated Richard’s writing is. I experienced what I’ve called “Richard’s energy” while reading it — which refers to pure intent, of course. The flawlessness of what he apperceptively wrought leaves nothing but admiration and a salient desire and aim — I want to be that!
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Richard: Therefore a mortal or transitory shape or form, comprised of immortal or perpetual stuff, can indeed ‘know that which is immortal’, or, as I have said before, as this flesh and blood body only (which means sans ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul) I am this universe experiencing itself as an apperceptive human being: as such the universe is stunningly aware of its own infinitude. And if you gaze deeply into the inky darkness betwixt the stars you will be standing naked before infinitude. (Richard in … Claudiu, 24 April 2024).
Claudiu: I reread it and was just blown away by how immaculate and perfectly articulated Richard’s writing is. I experienced what I’ve called “Richard’s energy” while reading it — which refers to pure intent, of course. The flawlessness of what he apperceptively wrought leaves nothing but admiration and a salient desire and aim — I want to be that!
Dear Claudiu,
It takes apperceptive reading to recognize the significance and immaculate perfection of those words, and then there is no choice but “to want to be that!”
This is truly wonderful.
Cheers Vineeto
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Hey Vineeto,
There are a few things I could quibble with about the way you interpreted some things I said and the meanings of some words and phrases. I feel like it would be missing the point on my part to do that.
Obviously this is all about our individual journeys to becoming happy and harmless and ultimately free of the human condition, and you are using your time to help support that process - so it’s in that spirit that I’ve thought about what you said overall and how I could use it positively.
I don’t think this interaction that took place was that much about the specific context in which it took place. If I were to ask myself why I wrote what I wrote, it wouldn’t have much to do with Jon or trans jokes or actualist morality I don’t think. The trigger of itself of the post wasn’t that strong.
I’d say it’s more to do with my overall mood and perception and baseline I think. When you don’t feel good overall, it can make you behave in all kinds of ways that might not be considered happy or harmless.
I’ve taken this event as a chance to go back to basics, to drop some of my ideas about my own actualism journey and where I’m at and all of that.
Going back to basics for me is just having a clear understanding of how I feel, without all the ideas and concepts that feelings engender about the way things are.
I think I definitely tend to get lost in those secondary perceptions about things. “Overthinking” and complex map building and a kind of franticness that has the cogs of my mind spinning all the time.
Underneath all of that, I realise I spend a lot of my time feeling quite quite anxious. This can manifest secondarily as drive, ambition, arrogance, desire to do something, ramp things up, egg myself on, think about what I could or should do, question myself, question others, attack myself, attack others etc etc.
Most of the time I’ve not thought about myself as anxious (otherwise I would have written it). I think that’s usually because the anxiety is pointing away from itself, inciting me to worry and analyse stress - it becomes like trying to think my way out of a paper bag. It feels bad to feel anxious and so I start going down all these different routes to address it.
I’m trying to be as gentle as possible with myself about looking at that anxiety, and figuring out why anxiety is my “go-to” response and whether I might be inclined to choose another way to respond each moment again.
There are also a few practical things I’m addressing too. I realise one habit I have, for example, is to put all my eggs into the one basket of hoping to become free, and somewhat trying to bypass or avoid the many and varied feelings and problems relating to my “real world” life that come up - including relationships, family, work, health finances, and all of that.
Another one is shutting down all my impulses and real desires and fears in order to push myself into taking what I believe to be the correct route (becoming free), that evidently only part of me is on board for. This becomes a kind of harassment ritual as I try to control the other parts into taking this path that I fervently believe to be the right one.
These habits are creating analysis paralysis, where at an age where others are making concrete life choices, I’m second guessing myself constantly in every area from my career all the way to my own sexuality - under the guise of it helping me get to an actual freedom.
So I’m going to be cutting all the trappings around actualist identity and going back to just asking how I feel in the most basic sense, and seeing if I can allow myself to feel good. But I’ll also be going back to living a normal life and not being quite so fervent about actualism as it seems to take me in the wrong direction.
I might not be writing on the forum for a while but we’ll see 
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Felix: Hey Vineeto,
There are a few things I could quibble with about the way you interpreted some things I said and the meanings of some words and phrases. I feel like it would be missing the point on my part to do that.
Obviously this is all about our individual journeys to becoming happy and harmless and ultimately free of the human condition, and you are using your time to help support that process – so it’s in that spirit that I’ve thought about what you said overall and how I could use it positively. […]
Underneath all of that, I realise I spend a lot of my time feeling quite quite anxious. […]
So I’m going to be cutting all the trappings around actualist identity and going back to just asking how I feel in the most basic sense, and seeing if I can allow myself to feel good. But I’ll also be going back to living a normal life and not being quite so fervent about actualism as it seems to take me in the wrong direction.
Hi Felix,
Thank you for your reply.
It’s a good idea to “cutting all the trappings” and enjoy and appreciate as much as you can. Whenever you are feeling anxious, ask yourself each time, is it worthwhile, whatever you are anxious about. Mostly you’ll find it is not, and often it may only be a persistent habit.
Remember, it feels good to feel good.
All the best
Cheers Vineeto
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