Well I’ll grant that your ‘nurture’ post was pretty accurate in some ways w/ regards to how you tick… notably:
Indeed this “specialness/superiority” complex is powerfully alive and well, evident in every phrase you write.
It’s quite remarkable watching you flip back and forth among these… from posting a journal here, to not responding to earnest engagement with you, to coining a new term for why the “neurotypical” can’t understand you, to describing how you can’t be bothered to explain any of it anymore anyway, to continuously working on your public journal (which obviously is meant to be read by others else why is it public?), to not engaging with further responses here, to then bewailing how nobody is even engaging with you in the first place.
All the while you’ve made yourself out to be especially singled-out, as because it is Syd posting, you are wrong – again missing the point after I belabored to explain it to you (which explanation, btw, clearly has not landed, as your “high-context footnote” still has the history wrong… which combined with missing the same point yet again doesn’t speak too highly of your mental prowess), and in total ignoration of the full progression from when you first came onto the forum, and the responses to you then (careful, thoughtful, worked out, in-detail), followed by gradual realization from all parties that none of it was doing any good, which is why you are getting the feedback you are getting now and not because you are ‘Syd’ (i.e. if anyone wrote what you wrote, the responses would be the same).
It’s been a particular watching-a-train-in-slow-motion-derailing experience seeing how you went from describing how you greatly enjoy lustful feelings, to getting the point (again after 10+ years) that lustful feelings intrinsically take away from what is called “feeling good” in the actualism lingo, to backtracking to how lustful feelings don’t take away from feeling good, and then to how they don’t take much away from feeling good, all the way back to… eh… enjoying those lustful feelings again, albeit now couched as “cheeky revel”… described as “a light, internal-grin pleasure right here”, previously mislabeled a “sensual” pleasure, which has now been edited to be “affective” (which is the correct terminology) yet still something to be enjoyed (“the passion arrives, the body grins” – that “body” remnant in-there revealing how the correctness edit was nothing more than an edit and not a thorough understanding), something to be “savour[ed]” and “revel[ed]” in, the pleasant-hedonic-tone endorsement of which is now described to lead to a “wider sensuous field”… all of which combines to really give no impression other than that you are yet again endorsing and revelling in ‘good’ feelings with their pleasant/positive hedonic tone, and mistaking this for the felicitous and innocuous enjoyment and appreciation of being alive.
Be that as it may… usually when someone touts ones’ own superiority it’s cause something is really lacking underneath, eh? Else why all the hullabaloo. Indeed if none of us get you at all, and are far behind you in your astounding turn-around success of a few months, and you have no need for any of us, and you’re happy and harmless and enjoying and appreciating being alive… why continue to engage here? Why these parting shots, after which you come back anyway, after which yet more parting shots? Every word you write is revealing, and one can only wonder if it one day will be revealing to you as well.
The ultimate proof, of course, would be for you to have PCEs, which you then describe in a way that everyone else who has had PCEs and actually free people can clearly recognize (which is universally the case when people who’ve had genuine PCEs) and from there to become actually free… but as you expressed explicit lack of interest in getting to that direction then I won’t be holding my breath. (Somewhat likely of course is that you are pursuing these, but you think you have to be not pursuing them for it to work… a strategem evidenced elsewhere in your self-reporting, which of course is anything other than naive and sincere… but as you write the words it is certainly simpler to take them at face value.)
Cheers,
Claudiu