Hi Vineeto,
Thanks for your reply, things have settled down and we have managed to enjoy our weekend with my friend staying over. Now that the dust has settled im starting to see things a little clearer without the cloud of frustration/anger/sadness.
This has given me quite a bit to think about. I look forward to exploring what’s going on. I can tell there is definitley an element of an unsure little girl hiding behind his legs, waiting for approval, checking with him to ensure everything is safe. Of course, if he get’s upset with me I feel “told off” , to the point of in a heated momement, “sticking to my guns” to blame him for my upset. In the moment I needed him to acknowledge the hurt so I feel safe to go back hiding behind him again.
Yes, I can see why that sounds rather radical. I admit I was still feeling rather raw whilst writing this. I more so meant the “relationship” I have in my head, the one that doesn’t actually exist but I feel it to be real. The relationship in which I have decided my partner’s role is a provider/protecter or can very quickly switch to aggresor/villan. I hope that is a bit more clear. I’d very much like to end that and meet the actual Kuba.