It’s wonderful how simple it is. I think where I was going wrong before was trying to figure out why I was feeling bad whenever I was feeling bad, and of course trying to do that whilst in that state means that any investigation led me to justifying and solidifying my “right” to feel bad.
So, being okay with not trying to intellectualise my feelings meant that I was freed to see that I am being the feeling and fully experience it without repressing or expressing - then any time it came up again I would refer back to the last time that bad feeling came up and see that there was no point to feeling that way, it didn’t help the situation, it wasn’t “protecting” me from anything. In fact being that way would just spoil whatever experience was going on. The next time the feeling came up it would get easier and easier to nip it in the bud and go back to enjoying and appreciating.
After the above happened it seems to be getting easier to come close to the direct experience again. I keep getting fleeting glimpses of being close to that direct experience which is cool! It’s like I’ve found a road leading straight to that direct experience that is so easy to get back on, it seems all I have to do is just angle myself towards enjoying/appreciating and im back on it again. I guess that’s why it’s called the wide and wondours path 