Honestly this discussion is very pertinent to my current experience, because my current relationship is starting to give me a sour taste in my mouth about the whole love thing. We’ve had persistent sexual issues due to a medical condition - this has always compromised the potential of our long-term partnership. I fell a little bit in love in the beginning but the physical disconnect led to me falling out of love, but I still deeply appreciate and care for the person he is so we’ve continued to try.
However, he fell deeply in love. Now it’s been a year and a half, and the sexual issues are becoming untenable for me. When we talked today about the potential of breaking up though, he talks as if he would need to purge me from his life completely. This seems so silly to me because there is so much about how we interact that is pure and creative and delightful, and none of that needs to hinge on us having a sexual, monogamous dynamic. But being in love has turned this into a painful, all-or-nothing possessive relationship in his experience.
It makes me sad to think I might lose the company of someone I get along with so well because of this. The alleged intimacy of romantic love seems to be highly conditional. It’s funny because I was always worried that he “loved” me more because he was so doting towards me due to being in love with me, while I remained pretty independent. But now that the security of the relationship is compromised, it almost seems like the more grounded, less attached affection I’ve felt for him is actually purer and deeper than what he has been feeling for me, because it’s not conditional and doesn’t demand that he be anything to maintain it.