I remember reading this part of your writings with great fascination, thank you for sharing it again!
This is the crux of it, perfectly distilled. I want someone else to figure out how to make me happy. I’ve tried so many different things but I always struggle and they always fail eventually and I feel dissatisfied, and I soothe this dissatisfaction with the fantasy that the right person will solve this problem for me, rather than me figuring out how to be my own fount of happiness.